strawberry goblin

Emily: IMAGINE HAVING SEX WIRH SOMEONW AND RHEY TURN ON THE SHREK SOUNDTRACK

cis white men are a disease

keep talking and I WILL suck your tiddies. this is a formal threat.

Spencer: gonna bark at a counselor tomorrow

sometimes i wanna tell u abt ppl im attracted to but then you'd bully me for liking twinks and older men

SHUT UP I just realized I've never actually had hot teachers im just sexually aroused by people who have clear cut positions of power over me

Jj: gonna commit arson for a venti cold brew with sweet cream and vanilla

I JUST SAW A CHICKEN IN THE HARDEE'S PARKING LOT

he's trapped nd gay- OH GOD WAIT THAT'S ME

Aaron: gonna have a fuckin anuerism this morning

Im mentally unstable bro I need a therapist but my last one dropped me because I "wouldn't open up"

Derek: imagine having sex with someone and they turn on the fucking euphoria soundtrack, might do it next time ngl

not to be a whore but ᵗʰᵉˢᵉ ᶦˢ ʳᵉᵈ ᵇᵒᵗᵗᵒᵐˢ ᵗʰᵉˢᵉ ᶦˢ ᵇˡᵒᵒᵈʸ ˢʰᵒᵉˢ

concrete?? in my way? jus crunch monch it you'll eat through it eventually

Rossi: mornings are gross and I don't respect them

babies in da pot,,, hhhh baby pasta

Penelope: This is what happens when your brain functions are all based on "oo priddy!!!!!!"

Alice:

Edward:

Bella:

Carlisle:

Esme:

Jasper:

Rosalie:

Emmett:

So, let me guess– you just started a new book, right? And you’re stumped. You have no idea how much an AK47 goes for nowadays. I get ya, cousin. Tough world we live in. A writer’s gotta know, but them NSA hounds are after ya 24/7. I know, cousin, I know. If there was only a way to find out all of this rather edgy information without getting yourself in trouble…

You’re in luck, cousin. I have just the thing for ya.

It’s called Havocscope. It’s got information and prices for all sorts of edgy information. Ever wondered how much cocaine costs by the gram, or how much a kidney sells for, or (worst of all) how much it costs to hire an assassin?

I got your back, cousin. Just head over to Havocscope.

((PS: In case you’re wondering, Havocscope is a database full of information regarding the criminal underworld. The information you will find there has been taken from newspapers and police reports. It’s perfectly legal, no need to worry about the NSA hounds, cousin ;p))

“Below are selected prices that are paid to professional assassins by criminal organizations and drug cartels for a contract hit.

In Australia, the median price to hire a hit man is $13,610 (9,800 Euros), with the price going up to $83,000 (60,000 Euros) based on the task.

In Mexico, the cost for a low level assassin is $208 (150 Euros), and up to $20,832 (15,000 Euros) for a higher profile target like a police chief.

The prices paid in Argentina are between $3,749 (2,700 Euros) to $5,555 (4,000 Euros) per hit.

Government statistics in Spain state that 40 assassinations take place each year, with prices for the hit ranging between $27 (20 Euros) to $69,000 (50,000 Euros).”

Floral button up

I might be a vampire, who knows?

Too much jewelry

I am insecure about my body :)

Ken/Polly Pocket incarnate

I walked right out of the set of an 80’s sitcom