8.31.15

She told me she was the weeds 

ESTP: You fist-fought an off-duty police officer behind the 7/11 and when his partner came to help you put him in headlock too

ISTP: You’re a terrible dresser. Honestly. Those tight jeans look fuckin terrible you have to take them off immediately, slowly

INFP: It’s 3 am, pigeons do not have feelings STOP ASKING and GO TO SLEEP- horses do not have feelings either but let me tell you what, what they do have the devil inside them

ENFP: You stay at people’s houses for several days just to pet their kitties and you eat all their jello that they were saving for a special occasion

INTJ: Your fun facts became increasingly condescending and then you managed to escape from the locker I shoved you into you squirrely fuck

ENTJ: You’re in Club Fed for starting a street rules, bareknuckle intern fight ring in the accounting department of a Fortune 500

INTP: You spoiled Star Wars for everyone. You haven’t even seen the movie yet, you’re just like a freakishly good guesser

ENTP: You go to church, sit in the confessional booth, and start your confession with, “Forgive me Daddy for I have sinned-”

INFJ: You’re a kind and helpful spirit but you lowkey like finding out dirt on people to exploit their weaknesses in the future you fake b

ENFJ: You run a pseudo-religious new age suicide cult in the abandoned lumber mill outside of town

ESFP: You laugh super loud which is kind of endearing but you show off pictures of your boyfriend a lot raving about how cute he is when he is about as flavorful as a whole wheat tortilla lying face down on the pavement

ISFP: You carve hearts into trees and doodle on your notebooks and take pictures in front of brick walls and hum to yourself and love hot cocoa too much and are very cute and where was I going with this

ISFJ: You head to the local prison to sweetly visit your friend. You bring snickerdoodles and you save a few for the guards, who all greet you by name. What they don’t know is that it was actually you who got rid of the body. Your snickerdoodles are a little off-tasting, but delicious nonetheless.

ESFJ: I asked you 10 times what you wanna eat and you said you don’t care and now we’re here at olive garden and you’re pouting but you better order some chicken-fucking-alfredo from this fine establishment real quick before I snap my shit

ISTJ: You get everything done right and on time and you’re making the rest of us look bad, Gary, fuck you