BOOL'N

it's crazy to think that memories you've had for years will just never look or feel the same again. all those memories from 2012 when i first got into 1D, all the concerts, all the songs and the first time hearing those songs, the first time watching music videos, the posts and memes here on tumblr... like none of it will ever feel the same. it'll always be tinged by loss and a degree of emptiness from here on out.

i have no idea how to process this. it’s not unfathomable and it’s something i’ve thought about many times but i don’t actually know how to process it. what do you mean he was such an integral part of me growing up and he did some fucked up things in part bc of the fucked up environment he grew up in and now he’s DEAD and can’t do anything to try and make amends. what do u mean the boys now means harry louis liam niall zayn. what do you mean he left behind a child less than 10 years old. what the fuck do you mean

i think part of it is just that i didn’t know him. he was in my phone and in my laptop singing in my ears for a decade but i didn’t know him. i never met him. i never spoke to him. how the hell am i supposed to grieve for someone so intangible when he will continue to be in my phone and in my laptop and continue to sing in my ears.

Along with everything—thank you for grieving with me, little people in my phone. I mean it when I say that having everyone on here to share our loss with has made it less isolating. I love you all

Those 5 boys and the community around them held such a strong role in shaping me and knowing one of them is just... no more... I can't explain this feeling.

i did not once ever have a full night’s sleep from 2013-2015. nothing new to say that hasn’t already been said but it was so fucking fun being a one direction fan while they were still releasing albums/touring. can’t even put it into words or describe it. u were constantly terrorized while also having the best time of ur life.

seeing so many people who haven’t been here for a while . we’re all family and will always be . what we got to experience is rare and precious . hope time will allow us to look back at it with joy and peace again . hugging all of you tight

I feel so fucking lucky to have been shaped into the person I am today by One Direction. 2024 me does not exist as I am today, without them. How lucky am I to have be changed by them. I’m here today on this tumblr, with all of you- friends, mutuals, strangers- because of them. One Direction will always be woven into the fabric of my memories, experiences and dreams. That is a truth that cannot change. I am so so lucky to have loved them and be loved by so many of you because of them. Wow.