Mind The Gap: A new Patreon Exclusive Tier series!
Pairing: Older!Harry x fem!reader
Trope: Age Gap
CW: Minor language, mentions of drinking/partying, 20-ish year age difference, smut, dad Harry, blonde Niall, lots of fun banter and some emotional moments.
A/N: This is my first go at an age gap fic and the events in this story are loosely based off something I went through and thought it would make a good fic! This is a light hearted take on an age gap fic and everyone in this story is a consenting adult nothing underage is going on!
Summary: You find yourself accidentally dating your bestfriendâs boyfriendâs dad, Harry. Heâs about two decades older than you but neither of you really seem to mind.
*below youâll find the free series intro to see if this is the kinda fic youâll enjoy or not*
Being twenty two is a weird age, youâre old enough to drink but not old enough to rent a car. You can vote but arenât really taken seriously when you voice your opinions on things. Sure you have a mind numbingly catchy Taylor Swift song that sometimes accurately describes how youâre feeling but other than that being twenty two is kind of boring. But that all changes when you take your bestfriend and current roommate Niallâs advice and take your car to a shop his boyfriend James recommends when the âcheck engineâ light comes on for the fifth time in the last two months. Itâs where you run into a man named Harry that looks far too put together to be sitting in the waiting area of a grimy dirty mechanicâs shop with his briefcase and button up. You donât waste time in introducing yourself and that sets off a chain of events that will have you thinking that maybe being twenty two isnât that boring after all.
Harry is in his early forties, works long hours, and follows the same routine each day. He spends most evenings at home, avoids last-minute plans, and rarely seeks out excitement. Through a previous marriage that ended years ago, he has a twenty one year old son named James who lives with him. All in all Harry thinks he has everything he could possibly need out of life, heâs got a handful of friends that he can count on to be there when he needs them, a son who is as far as Harry knows is in a new and healthy relationship and in Harryâs eyes he canât really ask for much else. While he is happy with his life, Harry will also admit that sometimes it can be a bit boring. That all changes the day he meets you while waiting for his car to be ready after a routine oil change, having been going to the same mechanic for years heâs become good friends with the owner Mitch. Youâre all smiles with an infectious personality and the moment you shake his hand and give him your name Harry gets a funny feeling that his life is about to get a lot less boring.
So if youâre ready to jump in and hit the gas on this fun new series join the honey pot tier today! Part 1 goes up next week!â¨
Minding the Gap (S) by âĄMilk and Honey Fics⥠on Patreon. Join âĄMilk and Honey FicsâĄ's community for exclusive content and updates.
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Niall in penpal Harry has me sođĽşđĽš he cares about her so deeply but doesnât try to change her even though he knows sheâs making a mistake. Thatâs a true bestie.
Hiii babes!! Same though like Pen Pal bestie Niall makes me wanna sob he loves his Goldie so much and will watch her mess up and just be there to pick her up when she needs him. He wants to control her life so badly to help her avoid getting hurt but he knows thatâs not his place. He is such a true and amazing bestieđđ Goldie is lucky to have him but he is also very lucky to have herđ
Niall running to the rescue anytime his Goldie girl needs him:
Sarah okay what if youâre Harryâs wife or gf whatever but youâre in the pit and thereâs a fan with a sign that you think is funny so you ask to hold it up because Harry will see it and heâs like so confused but itâs a cute moment between her and Harry but also the fan.
Hiiii babes!!! Ohhh this is super cute! What are possible sign options?? This is where my sense of humor isnât like everyone else because my first idea was a fan holding a sign that says âAlexa, volume up!â Or like âtell Niall I said hi!â đđ but this is such a cute idea though so I will be saving this!!đ
Harry spotting his gf in the pit with a sign about Niall:
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Niall being our gay bff in the age gap fic is all I want out of life. Is Harry gonna be rich too?đđ¤Ş
Hiii babes!! Anytime Niall can be your gay/bi bestie Iâm making it happen! It just adds a fun layer đ ohhhh is Harry gonna be rich?? Thatâs a great question and youâll get the answer in the first part đ¤¤đ
A NUDIST COLONY!!! SARAH I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS GONNA GET MURDERED NOT HARRY IS JUSR A NUDEY PATOOTIE!!! IM SHOOK!!!!!đŤŞ
Hiii babes!! Iâm stealing nudey patootie from you hope you donât mind đ no murder just some nakedness!! Iâm glad it kinda had you shook though I didnât wanna give it all away too soon đ thank you for reading!!đ
Niall explaining to Reader who has no idea whatâs going on that Harry just likes to do yoga in his backyard like itâs no big deal heâs naked:
I'll get to all my asks soon. I just got into town and only had time to make these posts for Tumblr and Patreon!!
On a side note: Come check out what's happening over on Patreon. Our â¨Free Tier⨠has lots of stuff happening, and @harrywavycurly has something awesome brewing for the â¨Paid Tierâ¨. Find out by staying in the loop and joining one of our tiers! There's something for everyone, and we'd love to have you guys over there!!đ¤
Click the link below for more:
ŕŞââ´ Hey Love Bugs!đ by âĄMilk and Honey Fics⥠on Patreon. Join âĄMilk and Honey FicsâĄ's community for exclusive content and updates.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Hope yall are hungry for a blurb about Harry being a pirate who is stuck on a ship thatâs in one of those ships in a bottle because he was cursed by his ex sea witch gf and each night he gets to leave the bottle so he can find the person who can break the curse but at sunrise heâs back in the bottle but then you buy it at a random estate sale and end up being the one to break his curse letting him finally be free! And if you donât like this idea you can take it up with @monicaalexandraaa đđ
Me telling Monica an off the wall idea as an example for how fics can be fun:
Monica wanting me to actually write the off the wall idea:
Okay soooooo itâs happening and coming soon here is the banner for yâall to enjoy until I get to making a little summary and all that fun stuff!!
I present to youâŚbottle on the bookshelf a story of pirate Harry who is cursed to be stuck on his ship thatâs in a bottle you buy randomly at a thrift store and it turns out youâre the one heâs been waiting for to lift his curse but it also turns out heâs kinda annoyingđâ¨
đźSummary: "You knew the card you had left. One sentence, two words, and his hand would drop from that doorknob. He would stay, but he wouldnât be staying for you. He would be staying because he was trapped, and for the rest of your life, you would never know if he was there because he wanted to be or because you had shackled him to you with another selfish line."
A/N: Based on this request-> Here <-
đźWord Count: 8.8k
đźWarning: Heavy Angst, Positive Pregnancy Test, Talk Of Prego Symptoms // SMUT, Harry Cheating On New GF w/Reader, Heated Argument.
It happened all at once. The breakup, the distance, and for a while, you thought it would stick. Even when you saw him at parties, still sharing mutual friends neither of you could drop, whether by choice or stubbornness, that was still undecided. For you, it was by choice; there was always going to be that little sliver of space that no one else could fill but himâin your heart or between your legs. That was the stubbornness, that was the choice, and gradually this was how it happened, the chance encounterâalways the chance encounter to use as your excuse. Because you told yourself you werenât ever going to be the one to call or text, and you hadnât this whole time.
Even after the first couple of hookupsâyou both, drunk after a party, or him calling you at two in the morningâyou would answer, tell him yes, come over, and the justification would be that you werenât the one who caved and called, so you were still winning. And when he left the next morning, sometimes without a word, you told yourself this was the trade. This was the cost. Stubborn was both of you bringing dates to a party, then ditching them to fuck in a spare room, then coming back as if nothing had happened, the press of him still lingering between your thighs, because nobody else knew how to fill you like that, how to fuck you just the way you wanted.Â
Because you had tried. Had done the hook-up thing with randoms you met on whatever dating app you were using that week, cycling through them, each a reflection of just where you were with yourself mentally, though that was what you would figure out later. But in the moment, in the thick of it, they were all the same. You were trying to force yourself to get over the one guy who kept coming back in some way or another. Fun fact: it never worked.Â
They all sucked; most of them were only out for themselves. Their talk was always better than when they would put it into action, and truthfully, it was fucking boringâalways the same shit. Some even brought the size but didnât know how to use it. Not like Harry, who could bring both. Who could fuck you any way you wanted, could have you coming in minutes, sometimes for hours when you guys were really deep into it all.Â
But it wasnât just the sex. You guys were good at that. That was a no-brainer. It was everything else about him. He was your person, the one who would let you talk his ear off. You could spill your mind, your dreams, your thoughts at his feet, and he would just get it. He cared; he wanted to know. He wanted a future, so your breakup was a shock to both of you. It just happened, and now you donât even know how or for what? Because the only thing you remembered now was how much you missed him, not just now but then. There always seemed to be so much distance, your job seeming to create the divide you guys thought you could navigate, something you thought you were strong enough for.
God, it was all so crazy now. In the bad moments, all you could think about was the fights, the distance you felt, even when he was lying next to you in bed. All you could think about was: I miss you, I want youâjust be with me. Right here, right now, I donât want to fight anymore. But fuck, you guys were so fucking stubbornâyou to a fault. Because when it was bad. Whenyou guys couldnât even get through one day without fighting, all it took was him saying, âWeâll maybe this isnât workingâŚâ at your breaking point for you to just run with it.Â
Stubbornâwas you latching on to that one thing and throwing it back in his face, telling him, âWell, if thatâs how you feel, then letâs end this.â And the truth was, in that moment, it felt good to say it. It felt good to see the stunned look on his face. To finally say what you thought you both were thinking. Because to you, if he wasnât thinking it, he would never have said what he said in the first place. Yet he was the one who said you were being ridiculous, twisting his words, and that he meant that how you guys were handling the situation wasnât working. And you, god. You were persistent in that stubbornness, stood your ground, and told him it was over, and maybe even that tired, defeated side of you who just wanted everything back to normal meant itâthat you could admit to yourself now.Â
Still, the part of you that only wanted normal was lying to yourself. What was normal anymore without him? He had been so deeply woven into every aspect of your life that you couldnât even go to the same coffee shop without them asking if you were getting his drink too that morning. It had been almost a year since you had been apart. Still, there were days when you saw him, when you would be walking and spot him across the street, then you would stall at the crosswalk until he walked in the direction where âhomeâ used to be for you both. But that was another source of stubbornness where your restless heart could stew, your downfall, because the coffee shop was yours, the neighborhood was yours. You had chosen it, and he had put up a fight, and now he was still there.
To make it worse, if you thought you knew the distance before, the distance now was a fucking endless black hole that opened the day you left. Because you couldnât even remember what light felt like, you couldnât remember the clarity of a single, defining thought. To start down a path and think, yes, this is exactly where I need to be, youâre on the right track, itâs only up from here. Because now your path was changing, and all it took was two pink lines appearing on a piss-soaked strip for you to really put all your wreckage into focus.Â
Pregnant. Thatâs what the plastic stick in your hand said. That was your reality, alone at one in the morning on a Saturday night. You knew who the father would be. Knew the exact moment it happened. Could remember lying there afterward, the one night Harry decided he wanted to sleep over because it had been a while. It seemed the more you hooked up, the more casual it became, and the more distance he wanted to keep between you. You thought, okay, two can play this game. So you went with it. But that night felt different; he wanted to hold you. It was like he didnât want to let go. It wasnât the horny clash of bodies that night. He made love to you slowly, like all the times in the past when you guys didnât want to leave your bed.
He stayed the night, and you thought, I want this, I want him back. So you went with it, letting him set the tone, not wanting to rock the boat. You wanted to savor every moment until he had to go. When you woke the next morning, he was still there. He stayed until breakfast, then made you both a late lunch after hours of being inside you, still slow, still taking his time over every inch of your skin. It felt like a fever dream. It felt like you could slip back into your old life, and all you would have to do was wait for him to say it.Â
When he stayed another night, you thought, okay, this is it, but when you woke that next morning, he was gone, his only communication a note that said:
 âThought I could do this, sorry, H.â
That was it. That was how he left itâhim leaving that time. You didnât even know it was happening, didnât even know there might have been a choice, a discussion to have. It didnât feel fair. It was the first time he left you in the dark, like all the other times were a mutual smorgasbord, a game you were in on too, but to just leave without even saying why he was there in the first place left you empty, left you fucking discarded like the condoms you swore by with every hookup outside of him. Itâs not like he wasnât doing the same, except that for him, it was only two other people. One, he fucked right after you broke up to get back out there, and the other, who was on and off, someone he talked to regularly. Which should have been a fucking red flag, the sign that he was moving on.
And now here was the breaking point, fucking snapping, because you were searching for his name on your phone. You were going to call. For the first time since the breakup, you were going to fucking cave and call. You were already shaking, but as soon as the first ring sounded, panic seized your throat, choking the breath you were taking. You felt sick, like you were going to throw up. Sick like all the nights you had spent heaving over the toilet, which you could now finally fucking name. Why did they even call it morning sickness if you could be sick any time of the day?
You were sitting on the edge of the tub, listening to each ring as your hand went to the band of your bra, hooking a finger under the wire where it had been digging in all week. You thought, maybe this should have been another sign, because it was so obvious now. Your boobs hadnât fit in anything for weeks. They were sore and spilling out of the cups, and for some reason, you had been telling yourself it was PMS, that your period was late because you were a mess. Because everything that was supposed to be your life was fucking messy, and you believed it because you wanted to. That was the truth. There were no other options; your delusion said there were none.
By the third ring, you were looking down at your stomach, at the way the waistband of your leggings was being sandwiched between two rolls at your middle, the stretch already pushed past its limits, and you sat up straight. You didnât even think about it. You just sat up, and then you realized what you had done, and that was when it hit you. Not the fucking test you just took. Not the math you had just done on your phone, as if the answer would change. It was that. This gut should have been a sign; this wasnât your normal bloat. In fact, you werenât even sure if you had ever been this bloated in your life.
When the phone rang again, you were scared in a way you had never been scared in your life. Not scared of anything happeningâbut scared like it already had, and there was no version of your life now where it hadnât. And you were alone, god, you were so alone. You were doing this by yourself, sitting with not just the grief of losing the love of your life, but with this. With what you both had created, and it wasnât just the mess of your lives. No, because this was the consequence. That was the part you kept coming back to.Â
It was almost two in the morning on a Saturday, and there was only one person you wanted to call, and you hadnât seen or talked to him in two months. What did this look like? What would he think this was, you being pathetic, calling him drunk somewhere? This had been the longest silence you guys had ever had. Even when you broke up, you somehow saw him more. What was the point of any of this? The silence. Why was there ever any distance? Because now all of the other bullshit felt silly compared to the life that you were holding in your fucking body.Â
You had to stop thinking about it. The thought had to go away, and when the fourth ring sounded, you almost hung up, because you didnât think you could do it. You could barely convince yourself, and you had the proof sitting face down on the bathroom counter. Maybe you werenât ready to admit it. Because hereâs where your emotions were spiraling again, because maybe if he didnât answer, you could still be the same person who wouldnât have to ask for anything. But just when you had almost talked yourself out of this call, his voice rasped through the phoneâ
âHey...â He whispered. He sounded like he had been sleeping, like you had woken him up, which was strange, because it was Saturday, and it wasnât like his world had fallen apart yet; he was still free.Â
Your words were lodged in your throat, burning like coal as tears pricked at your eyes. âHeyâŚâ Was all you could say.
âIâm not sure I can get away⌠Itâs kind of late.â He told you, which hurt even worse, because he was already assuming, and now you really did feel pathetic. But worse, he was being quiet, and that had your gears turning more.
âCan you come over?
Harry was silent for a long breath, and then you tried again, âWell, can I come there, then?â You asked, feeling frustration surge beyond your control. You were already bursting at the seams of your mind with everything you were trying to hold to yourself, and he was giving you nothing.
When he didnât answer. He didnât have to. You knew why, and your heart sank with the thought. That sickness that had been looming was threatening to stir into something more, and you were holding your breath, trying to fight the tears and your stomach from turning. But the tears were already silently falling.Â
âIs there someone else there?â You questioned, although you already knew the answer.
âYeahâŚâ He breathed.
God, and then you really started crying. Not for any particular reason, not even for himâit was all just hitting you, your emotions coming like tidal waves, like they had for the last two months. Except this time, he could hear it, and you pressed your hand over your mouth, but it didnât help. Because this was ugly, and broken, and you were falling apart, and you had no one. There was no one. There was no one you wanted more than him, because you wanted him so badly, you wanted every single thingâthe good and the bad. You wanted him to come over and make everything better, to tell you that everything would be okay. To tell you that you were in this together.
âPlease, H.â You whimpered out, like it was life or death, and to you in that moment it was. Because you didnât think you would survive thisâif you could survive the rejection from someone who once told you you were the only thing he loved on this earth.
âCan you just please come over, please Hâplease.â
You were begging. You knew you were begging, and you did it anyway, because being the one who never called didnât mean anything anymore. None of it mattered anymore. Not when everything was on the lineâ
âJust this one time,â you pleaded. âPleaseâjust this one time, I swear. Iâll never call again. I havenât called this whole timeâjust this one time.â He was quiet for too long. Long enough that your body was already reacting to the answer no, every inch of you trembling.
âJust this one time. Iâll be there soon.â He snapped, then hung up the phone, and you sat there with the phone still against your ear. He didnât live far, especially if he walked fast, and since he was mad, you knew he really would be there in no time.Â
Adrenaline jumped through you then, not relief, as every emotion shifted again. You took the test off the sink, put it in the trash, then stood there looking at the trash like it could rewrite your whole life story. And then you took the whole bag out, tied it off, and put a new one in. You knew he wasnât going to look in your trash, but you did it anyway. Because more than anything, even though you were an adult, your body kept reacting to the sight of that pregnancy test with an adolescent fear all over again, hitting you with a strange shame that only ripped open the reckless guilt you felt pressing at your chest.
You brushed your teeth because your mouth tasted like shit, and honestly, you couldnât remember the last time you brushed them. Tonight was the first night you had gotten out of bed in days, still wearing the same clothes from when you called out to work on Wednesday. Then you brushed them again, feeling more shame and more guilt, and sat down on the bathroom floor with your back against the tub after you were done. You needed some kind of guidance, needed to Google âhow to tell your ex youâre pregnantâ just to have some kind of base. But you only got past the first two lines of the first thing you clicked, and put the phone face down on the tile.Â
The words were too calm for what this was. Everything on that page felt written by someone calm and clear-minded, and you were none of those things. You sure as hell knew he wasnât calm by the way he hung up the fucking phone. Your emotions were churning into rage because nothing about the two of you had ever been calm or easy; this wasnât something you could say without ruining someone elseâs life. It didnât feel fair that you were the one who had to sit with it all. Why you? Why now?
Because truly, how were you supposed to say it? That was the whole mindfuck of it all. Did you say it at the door, before he even got inside, just say it and let it hit him like it hit you, fast and devastating? Did you sit him down first? Did you wait? But wait for what? There was no good timing for any of this. There was never going to be a good time to say it, was there? There would be no moment when everything was fine, and he would be open and receptive to what you needed to tell him. Because he had no clue why he was even coming over here.
God, and then there was the topic of whether he would even want to keep it. You didnât know. You honestly didnât know, and you had known this man for years. The one who had said he wanted a future with you, but also the same man who left a five-word note. Somehow, they were the same person, and you didnât know which one was walking over.
Did you want to keep it? That question hit you like a bullet to the chest. You could hardly keep the thought straight in your mind. It kept circling, slipping in and out of focusâyour mind still unable to grasp what it actually meant to be pregnant. Werenât you supposed to know this kind of shit? Women were supposed to know, right? Your like-nature-born instinct, or whatever. You were looking down at your stomach again, and yet you still didnât know anything. Then you took your hand away, trying to search your mind for the answer. For a few minutes, it became a vicious cycle. You would put it back, then take it away.
Still nothing.
And beneath everything, and the time it was taking Harry to get there, there was something else gnawing at the surface of your mind: who was at his place? Was it just some random, another body that didnât matterâor was it her? The one who had become the on-and-off hookup. The one he talked to. You had known about her for months and had decided she wasnât a threat, because he was still seeing you. But now she was probably at your old apartment, sleeping in your bed. Why did he even pick up in the first place? God, he was whispering because of her, and fuck, you knew it shouldnât have mattered, but tonight, of all nights, it fucking mattered. The thought was suffocating you, and now you could hardly breathe around the thought of her.
You forced yourself into the living room, waiting by the door because you felt that if you sat down again, you would never get back up. When the knock sounded, you lurched forward and opened the door, surprised by your sudden burst of energy. Harry looked like a wreckâhis T-shirt was inside out, the seams showing at the shoulders. He mustâve dressed in the dark so he wouldnât wake her. You could see it all as you took him in.Â
You knew what it meant, and you let him in anyway. As soon as he took a step forward, you were on him before he could even get the door shut all the wayâarms around his neck, face against his throat. You felt like it was the first time you could breathe since you had taken the test. It was that fast. After two months of neglecting your body, doing everything wrong, it only took one second against his neck, and you were alive again.
At first, his arms stayed at his sides, standing there like a statue carved from stone. Your stomach dropped, but you didnât let go; you refused to let go. The seconds ticked by, but your grip stayed firm, his scent the only thing keeping you tethered in that moment. Then you felt him move; he was deciding. You could feel it in the shift of his breath, and when your bottom lip dragged against the pulse of his neck, his hand came up to the back of your head, fingers in your hair, drawing you closer as his other arm wrapped around you. He let out a heavy breath into your hair and held on as if he meant it.
You grazed his neck with your mouth again, your entire body pulsing with the energy of new life. Everything about this felt right, so fucking natural that you werenât going to stop. Your mouth moved against the heat of his neck, because it was there, because he had come to you, and there was nothing else but him and you. Thatâs the truth of it. In that moment, he had chosen you; he was yours. Because in that moment, the delusion was a fact.Â
Because his skin was so warm, and he was right there, and your mouth was just doing what it knew best when it pressed to the heated hollow of his neck. This was what you guys did, as natural as breathing, what your body was designed for when you were in his arms. Then he made a low sound in his throat, and the door clicked shut as your feet lifted off the floor. He picked you up, and your legs went around him without a thought, your mouth sucking hard into his skin. Your mouth moved to his as he carried you across the living room, your mind going blank.
Maybe you knew this wasnât supposed to happen, that you needed to stop itâor maybe you knew it was happening the entire time, and maybe both things were true at once, but neither one was slowing anything down. It was all happening so fast. It was fast and confusing, and it all seemed to carry new weight, like something rolling downhill. Like if you tried to catch the mistake while it was happening, you would lose the only thread you had keeping you sane in that breath.
Somewhere in you, there was a version of you, deep down, still holding the plan, all the words you had meant to say first. But the longer your mouth pressed to his, tasting him, wanting him more, that voice that should have been there grew quieter and quieter, and then you couldnât hear anything at all except for your breath mixing. You couldnât even remember why you had asked him to come. Because you had asked him to come, and here he was, and wasnât that good enough? Couldnât you just have this first? This was what you needed. That was all. To be here, just like this, just for now.
As soon as he laid you down on the couch, he lifted your shirt, and it came off in one fluid motion. He moved his face to your neck as his hands gripped your hips and tugged you down the couch, pulling back to get a look at you. His eyes were wild, and maybe you would have felt that insecure ping that had haunted you in the bathroom earlier, but you were too distracted by how different he looked, by the wild rushing through his gaze. Then he started talkingâ
âYouâre so beautiful.â He rasped as his mouth moved to your jaw, then to your neck again. âGodâ baby, look at you.â He continued as a hand slid up from your hip and settled flat and warm against your ribs. âYour bodyââ He pulled back again.Â
âFuckâ You look so good.â He cooed, his mouth inching down your body, his hands squeezing you tight. âSo fucking good, loveââ
He kept saying it over and over, âYou look so good.â And every time he said it, something in you flinched because he could see it. The changes. The difference was being gripped and handled like meat, his touch explorative and untamed, as if he had never seen you like this. Part of you wanted him to slow down so he could see it, but he didnât know what he was looking at, and you did. He was saying it like it was good news, like all along this was what he wanted.Â
Yet all the while he sounded confused, because that was the other thingâhe kept saying it like he hadnât planned to, like the words were coming out of him the same way everything else had been happening since you opened that door, or maybe even when you called. None of this had been decided because the choice was still there to be made.
But maybe the truth was that the choice had been made months ago, both of you unknowingly making it, without a conscious thought, or thatâs what you wanted to believe. Maybe that should have made this easier. But it didnât, it wasnât, because you were so fucking scared, and the only choice you felt you had was to offer your body, whether you wanted this or not, you knew this was the only way you could make him yours, that you could have him a little longer. This is what he thought this was, right? Why else would you call him this late?
You wanted him to look at you, at your face, not just your body. But already he was distant. In that moment, you were just a body to him, because thatâs what it felt like. This was the choice you were making with yourself, not with him, with you. This was the tone you had set with him the second you said âyes,â the first time he called you after your breakup, and every time after, when you found yourself beneath him, whenever he had been inside you. What did this even mean for him anymore? What did it mean to you? What had you guys let this become?
He pulled the cup of your bra down and put his hot mouth on your nipple, and you jerked underneath him, hard, because it hurt. Because everything was hurting, bearing down on you tenfold. The harder he sucked, the more you moaned. Your boobs had been tender for weeks, which is partly why you had found yourself standing in your bathroom earlier. His mouth was overwhelmingâa little too much, and yet just right. When he sensed you flinch, he lifted his head and smiled.
âSo sensitive for me,â he said, thinking it was him, and you let him because what was the alternative? You were going to have this no matter how it felt afterward. He wanted you; you could feel the hunger in his grasp, the way his eyes were locked on your tits spilling heavy out of your bra as he unhooked it with ease.
Then he was working your leggings down, stopping halfway down your thighs, just enough to drag two fingers up your slick center. You knew you were already wet, that your body was fucking vibrating to be touched, your clit so thick it hurt every time it pulsed. Harry breathed the wordâfuckâ against your neck, faintly, the way he always did, and slid two fingers inside you, and your hips came up to meet his hand as you shuddered in a deep breath.
It was so fucking good, but it wasnât enough, because his fingers were leaving too much room for thought. Too much room for reality to creep back in. Room for the trash bag and the test and fucking Google search to loop in your head, and you didnât want to think about any of it. You wanted there to be no room in you for anything but him, and the press of his big dick inside you.
âFuck me,â you demanded, right into his mouth. âI want you inside me, right nowâI need you.â
He didnât make you say it twice. In seconds, he was shoving down the front of his sweatpants. There was no time to make this official by taking everything off. He was just as greedy, his thumbs hooking back into the band of your yoga pants, dragging them down and off one leg with a brutality you knew would leave marks later, your ankle still caught in the other. Then he pushed into you, his tip catching on your opening and making you wince. In one long stroke, you both were making the same sound at the same time as he stretched his way into you.
Fuck, it hurt so fucking good. You hadnât had sex since him. It was good, exactly what you knew it would be, because it was never not good with him; that had always been the problem with you two. For a long, halting breath, you both stayed like that. His dick buried to the hilt deepâhim waiting as your pussy walls spasmed around the girth of his thick cock.Â
You were already on the verge of coming, your body so turned on that you could probably even come just like this. But then he was pulling out slowly, thrusting against the tightness, your body tensing as he pushed back in just as hard as the first thrust. You knew this was going to be fast for both of you when he kept saying âfuckâ over and over, as if he was already trying to hold on.
Then he was fucking you fast and hard with one knee braced into the cushion, the couch scraping across the floor a notch every time he thrust back in. He kept talkingâso good, you feel so good, so beautiful as your sore tits bounced and you spread yourself wider for him.Â
He was falling apart the same way everything else was. Every time you felt yourself slipping toward that realm of thought, ready to let it take you, you would come back to the feeling of him inside you. To the weight of him, to the stretch of him, his mouth at your jaw. But then the creak of the couch would echo, and you would try to look him in the eye, but he was looking everywhere else but at you.Â
You were in and out of these pockets, dragging yourself back down into your body every time, because this was the last time. You knew it was the last time. You didnât know how you knew, but you knew, and you were going to be here for it, and maybe somewhere underneath all of it, that whole time, you kept telling yourself, âhe doesnât know. He doesnât know.â
Then all at once you were coming with no warning, no build that you could trackâyour fucking body just locked down around him and let go, the wave hitting like a hand twisting inside you as you gripped at his inside-out shirt. He followed, just as quick, your moaning release echoing through the space, spurring him on, as you repeated his name over and over. In a few more strokes, he was pressing a guttural groan into your neck, sucking and biting into your skin. He was coming inside you; there was no thought about it. He always came inside you, so it made no difference now. That was how it had always been with him, and it didnât matter anymore. It couldnât do anything that hadnât already been done.Â
Neither of you moved. Then, suddenly, the room was too quiet, the air thick and still, humming with the rush of what had just happened. He stayed heavy against you, face buried in the crook of your neck, his breathing rough and ragged in your ear. You were stunned, lying there, staring at the ceiling fan spinning, wondering how the hell you were supposed to tell him now.
There had been a plan; there were supposed to be words first. But now, anything you said would sound like it came from someone wrapped up in whatever you had just done. It would sound like a lie or an afterthought; it wouldnât sound like everything you had wanted to say since you read that note or saw the two pink strips on that plastic stick. What were you supposed to do now? How were you supposed to tell him? Every syllable you could say would be tarnished by the sweat and heat of what had just happened. You had those two words right there, but you couldnât say them now, not on this couch, pinned under his weight while he was still inside you. There was just no way.
When he finally moved, it happened all at once. When he pulled back and pulled out, you felt the wet, sliding friction as he left you, the sudden gush as the air hit the mess spilling out with him. He didnât even look at you. He tucked himself back into his pants, yanked the waistband of his sweats back up, and slumped onto the edge of the cushion. He was stone again, a statue sitting there with his elbows digging into his knees and his eyes cast to the floor, his own shame probably eating at him, everything about him unreadable. But you already knew what he was thinking. You didnât need words to translate the distance you had felt since the moment he walked through that door. You sat up, shivering, and reached for your leggings, the bridge of your nose burning as you fought back tears.
You had never felt this way with him. Getting dressed while someone watches is one thing, but doing it while theyâre pointedly not looking is worse. The whole time that you fumbled, he stayed silent as if he had nothing else to say. You had to lift your hips off the couch to squirm into the too-tight material, your body limp and clumsy, hands shaking in a frantic motion that felt pathetic and disgusting.Â
You felt exposed, you felt usedâall the while your stomach twisting as the skin of your thighs stuck to the fabric, the smell of him still heavy on your skin. You kept trying to catch his eye, desperate for a hook, but he wouldnât let you in. He was three feet away and already goneâyou could practically see the regret settling over him like ash. There was nothing to grab onto, no way to bridge the gap, because he was already buried in his head, face hidden in his hands.
âThis was a mistake,â he said, words you knew were coming.
A mistake. You had just had him inside you, and now you were just a mistake. It felt cruel, a slow-twisting knife of a realization that had been buzzing in the background since the moment he walked in. You had felt it then, in the way he didnât hug you right awayâthe hesitation, the stiff distance in his arms that told you he was already questioning why he was there. He had known it was a mistake before he even touched you, and yet he had stayed. Why? Had he only come here for this? Had your tears on the phone not suggested more?
Now, the silence in the room was confirming the worst of it: he hadnât come for you, or for the words you needed to say. Had he come here just to take what he wanted? Was his opinion of you really that low? Were you another body being added to his listâthe ones he had discarded, the ones that didnât matter? Because more than anything, it felt like he had just used you to drown out any indecision he might have had, and now all that was left was the cold, gritty reality of what you guys had done. Maybe you werenât a person to him anymore; maybe you were just going to be the body where he left his regret.
When he didnât say anything else, you waited, the silence stretching with the sharp ache of suffering that was already settling in, âWhy did you leave?â you asked, because in the moment, that was the only thing you could think about.
âThat morning. I woke upâand you were just gone, Harry. You stayed for two days. You even held me, and it felt likeâI donât knowâlike maybe you wanted more⌠And then you were gone, and you left a fucking noteâa note, Harry, what was that?â
He stood up fast, took a few steps away, then turned around. âBecause you didnât want itââ He rasped out fast, like he had been waiting to say it for months. âBecause you ended things. You. And then that whole time you never calledânot once, not one time, not ever. How could I know if I was the only one who ever called or took any initiative?â
In a way, it was true, you knew it, but tonight you had called him. Tonight you had begged him even. You wanted to say that. You wanted to ask if it counted, if it could redeem the foolish game you had made this into. Harry was looking you in the eyes now, his gaze intent on searching for the truth. His green eyes were piercing you, stunting the words in your chest. You opened your mouth to tell him what tonightâs call was, what it was actually for, but nothing came out, and you shook your head, not feeling strong enough to convince him. The words you wanted to say were getting lost, adding pressure to every second stretching by, and he was still going, still slipping, barely a tether to reach forâ
âI shouldnât have come.â He snapped, already frustrated by your lack of words, and dragged both hands down his face. âYou know whatâIâm fucking seeing someone. Sheâs at my place right now. I knew this was going to happen. Why else would you call me? What else have we beenâthe two of us? This fucking game weâve made it intoââ
âYou mean our old place.â You answered, your voice coming out flat, already feeling the loss of him all over again, his words only confirming what you felt was coming the second he said someone was there. âThat was our placeâAnd now youâre fucking her in our bed.â
âOhâdonât give me that shit now. It stopped being âourâ place the day you decided to leave.â
Now you were getting up, your own frustration rising with your tone, âWhat do you mean, donât give you that shit? Harry, you didnât even fight me on it. You just let me leaveââ
âYeahâAnd what was I supposed to say?â he said, matching your anger. âIt was your choice. Your decision, and you made it for both of usâWhat is this fucking game? I never wanted it to end. You did that. Not me. So donât you dare throw that back on me. I was the one who never stopped calling.â
âGive me a fucking breakââ you scoffed, âItâs funny how none of that seemed to matter when you were still getting what you wanted, did itâAll that fucking sexââ
He laughed, a sharp, bitter laugh that sliced right through you, âOh, pleaseâLike you werenât benefiting from that too. Like, I didnât see the game from the start. How stupid do you think I am? Itâs like you give me no credit for anything,â
God, it was all true. That was the sting of itâthe worst things he said were the things you couldnât argue with, the parts you had both lived through and even enjoyed. But the truth felt useless now; it didnât fit, it was only adding more devastation. You were shaking so hard you could feel your pulse in your teeth. When you finally spoke, your voice didnât even feel like yours. It was someone else inhabiting your body, your throat. That frustration was turning mean, colder. You didnât give a shit about the consequences; you were ready to let it rip.Â
Part of you didnât care anymore. You were ready to have this out, and maybe it was the hormonesâyou had been Googling it in the bathroom, trying to flesh out every symptom that you had been feeling in that sudden panicâbut knowing the science didnât make the wreckage any less real. Nothing was stopping the downfall you knew was coming. You could tell you were about to burn the bridge by the way your anger was flashing red. You were still standing right in the middle of it; it was going to hurt you, too, but you needed him to hurt, needed him to feel the emptiness that you were becoming
âAnd the last time?â you asked, your voice breaking in the middle. âYou could have said somethingâanything. But you didnât. You just left. Why did you just leave? If you had been putting so much effort into itâwhy did you just walk away like a fucking coward? You want to talk about gamesâwell then what the fuck was that?â
He shook his head, his gaze dropping to the floor. When he finally spoke, all the fight was gone from his voice. That was the part that hit harder than anything else. It wasnât a roar you were still ready to combat, the defense he was holding; it was empty, it was him finally revealing the hollow of his own sunken emptiness. The sound of his breaking stole your breath. You knew how to survive a screaming match, how to hold your ground when things were heated and loud, but you didnât know how to exist in the silence you had made of him. You didnât know how to be in the ruins once the fire had gone out, once you really saw what your damage had doneâwhat it was still doing.
âBecause I thought if I stayed, weâd end up right back where we started. And I wasnât sure I could survive it⌠Losing you all over againâif you didnât want the same thing.â He answered.
And when he went quiet, the silence pressed around you, sucking the air out of the room until the breath in your lungs was thin and useless. It wasnât just quietâit was the fucking fanale, a dense, strangling stillness that made the space between you feel like a grave opening up. You stood there staring at him, waiting for a breath or a blink, but there was nothing left to say and nowhere left to go. His stillness was stripping you bare, turning the memory of his flesh pressed to yours into remorse, leaving you both sitting in the collapse of a life that had ended the second he pulled out of you.
That was your moment, you felt it. You could have said it then. He was being honest, and you could have been honest back, and the words were right there, but standing there, knowing he was defeated, all you could say wasâ
âAnd now?â
âIâm with her. Weâve talked about everything. Weâre together.â
He was with someone else; Harry had promised himself to somebody else. That was his truth, that was the reality of all of this, and all you could do was stand there. You didnât collapse and cry like you thought you would; you were going to stand there and take itâyou deserved this blow, and now you were bracing against his stare because there was no other version of you left to be, but unlike him, there was still that one reason to hang onâ
âBut youâre here.â You forced.
Harry closed his eyes and let out a long, shuddering breath. âYeah⌠And I think you know as much as I do that this was a mistakeâand now I have to go.â Then he turned away, walking toward the door, and you went after him, not missing a step as your heart jumped to your throat, pounding so hard you felt dizzy.
âBut Harryââ
âListen,â He said, halting you in place as his hand came up between you. âThis canât happen again, okay? Iâm with her. I canât have you call me again. Weâre over, okay? We have to be over this time. I canât do this anymore.â
âBut IâIâmââ
God, it was right fucking there. It was in your mouth, you could feel it, you could hear the words playing on repeat in your head.
âI canât hear anymoreâI have to go.â He forced, already standing at the door, patting his pockets for his keys, his phone. âI have to fucking leave. Godâfuckâwhat was I fucking thinking?â
His eyes were everywhere but on you, he wasnât even talking to you anymore, his panic thick and grating in the tension between you, and when his hand closed around the doorknob, you grabbed his arm. You were gripping hard, but he didnât pull away. He just stood there and let you hold on, and somehow that felt more painful than if he had shaken you off.
âHarry, please, babyâwaitâokay, please.â
When he turned to look at you, his eyes were filling with tears. âWhat else could you want from me?â he asked as they spilled over and ran down his flushed cheeks.Â
As you searched his face, your eyes drifted to his neck. There was a mark. You had left a small dark spot of evidence, a reminder that he was yours first, and now someone else was going to find it. How could you keep him? What could you say to keep him from walking through that door? What could you give him that was just as true as the truth waiting to be revealed?
âWhat else can I give that you havenât already taken? Iâm begging youâcan we please just end it? Let me go⌠so I can let you go. I need to move on. I want to move on, okay? I want to. I deserve to see where this goes with her.â
When he said âI want toâ twice, the first for you, the second for him. He wasnât saying it to you anymore; that much was clear. Maybe this was even the first time he had said it out loud to himself, and you watched it hit its mark in his mind and settle into his features, pulling him completely away from you.
Standing there, your hand trembling on his arm, the realization settled in like ice. You knew the card you could play. One sentence, two words, and his hand would drop from that doorknob. He would stay, but he wouldnât be staying for you. He would be staying because he was trapped, and for the rest of your life, you would never know if he was there because he wanted to be or because you had shackled him to you with another selfish line.Â
As you took him in, your eyes roamed over him, and something in you knew you couldnât do it. It was the set of his shoulders and the way he wouldnât meet your eyes. He wasnât just leaving; he really was begging you to let him go with every fiber of his being. He was pleading with his whole body for an exit, and you were the only thing standing in the way of his escape.
So you buried it. You felt the shift deep inside, a stony, tectonic slide of emotions as you took the heaviest thing you had ever carried and shoved it down into the darkest crevice of yourself, its weight settling in your gut, knowing it would stay there, decaying. You let go of the truth that would have shattered him even more, and instead, you reached for the only other honest thing you had left, that one other truthâ
âBut I love you.â
Under your touch, he went still, his muscles locking tight as if he were bracing for a blow that would never come, but that was your last one. When he finally answered, his voice was soft and level, worse almost kind. That was the part that actually destroyed youâthe kindness. His tone was gentle, like he was already standing on the other side of the door, like someone who had already stopped loving you enough to just stay angryâstage two of the grieving process playing out in real time. The kind of soft you heard people use for the deadâ
âWell. Sometimes love isnât enough,â he said. Then his arm slid out from under your fingers, easy as water. The door opened, and then it clicked shut, and he was gone. He did it quietly. Even now, even as he was ending you, he couldnât even be bothered doing it with his chest, with more sound, because then at least it would feel real.
But this was the part you didnât remember, because later, when you tried to play this part over in your head, it was blank every time. All you remembered was standing there, listening to the hollow thud of his footsteps down the stairs until the numb silence in your head swallowed it all. A piece of you waited for the footsteps to stutter, for the door downstairs to stay shut, for him to realize he couldnât just walk awayâbut he didnât come back.Â
You remembered sliding down the doorâs wood until you hit the floor, your knees pulling toward your chest as your hand moved to your stomach instinctively. You had let the only person you had ever wanted just disappear into the night, and now you were left with the darkness of your mind, with a secret that was growing larger with every second. It was strange, the thoughts that followedâthat in all of the terrifying ache of this, the thought of the baby seemed dull, seemed doable compared to the unknown. Because in that stifled breath, the vast, empty stretch of a life without him felt like a void that was going to consume you entirely.Â
The strange clarity was that even though your heart was breaking, you knew the answer you had been searching for. As you pressed your hand into your belly, you felt your answer prickle across your skin and up your spine, and as a sob burst from your chest, the answer was yes. The answer was that this was your baby, the universe had given you this, and what that meant, you still werenât sureâthe why. But you didnât need to know that right now.Â
Now it was just the two of you, and that was the reality you needed to face.Â
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Sarah!!!!!! YOURE MAGIC IS WORKING HES IN A CROP TOP NEXT STOP IS A TANK TOPđ¤Şđ¤Šđ¤¤â¤ď¸
Hiii babes!!! Ohhh youâre all very welcome for this!! I have been putting the work in (just kidding Iâve just been telling people heâll be in a tank top by the end of this residency) đ he REALLY said the office is closed today!!đ
Love the ruffled crop, Harry L is now allowed one âget out of fashion jailâ free card for this and the pink shirt from Amsterdamâ¨
CW: minor language, emotional turmoil, eventual smut, banter, lots of talk about struggling with your self esteem, low self confidence, emotional moments, but lots of fluff and fun moments in between!
Series Summary: You're in the middle of writing your second novel and feel a little burnt out so for a change of pace you book yourself a cottage in a neighborhood tucked away in sunny Florida called Golden Sands Estates for the summer. When you arrive everything is as advertised on the rental listing but as the days go by you start to notice some strange things going on with your neighbors, especially the green eyed brunette named Harry who lives right next door with his cat Britches. As you start to uncover the truth about what really goes on inside the gates of Golden Sands you start to learn more about yourself and when the summer comes to an end and your novel is finally complete you're left with a tough choice to make. Will you stay in what feels like paradise or go back to the life you've always known?
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Hiii lovey!!! I know you want the sexting and trust me itâs coming!! I had it all written and ready to go then read it over and hated it to Iâm starting over but donât worry youâll get it soon!!đ