All the random stuff I can't stop talking about.

How long did it take you to amass all of these of have you just been collecting Weird Things Team Mustang Does™ the entire time

Uhhhhhhhhh. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hah. Hahahahahahahahaha. [really awkward laugh] Let’s pretend this took nowhere near as long as it did.

I mean, part of it is that I know FMA canon too pathetically well, so I could pull many things up fairly quickly. Part of it was that I was already collecting all the canonical times Mustang falls asleep at work for another, almost-finished analysis. So might as well use that scavenger hunt to collect other things while I was at it? And I’ve also been trying to collect All The Information From All The Official Materials Of FMA Canon because I looove digging deep into larger franchises. And part of it is that I might love Team Mustang a bit too much.

Okay but When director cut We is waiting very anxiously

gaydragonwizards replied to your post:

[chanting] DIRECTOR’S CUT! DIRECTOR’S CUT!

[sigh] All of my friends are horrible influences. Horrible influences. FINE. XD

Here are more I-can’t-believe-this-isn’t-fanon fun Team Mustang shenanigans, facts, and stuff. Includes everything from manga to shows to books to omake. I’ll maybe include details with Auxiliary Team Mustang (Armstrong, Ross, Brosh, etc.) too. Here you go:

Falman wearing Groucho glasses. (omake)

Alex Armstrong barging into Hughes’ bathroom stall to transmute toilet paper. (omake)

Hawkeye regularly tripping her superior officer before he does something stupid. (FMA/FMAB/manga Scar incident, and FMA 2003 OVA)

Hughes freaking out that his baby might be born when he’s gone from home for a day… until Hawkeye screams at him, “BABIES AREN’T BORN AFTER JUST FIVE MONTHS!!!” (FMA 2003)

Team Mustang taking bets on how badly Havoc messes up a date. (FMA 2003)

Mustang suggesting the State Alchemists should celebrate their most recent addition (Ed) by getting drinks…. and has to be reminded that this is, in fact, a twelve year old kid who should not be given alcohol. Note Mustang offers juice after Ed, incredulously, questions, “Booze??” (Manga bonus chapter Vol. 0 “The Journey Begins”)

Havoc derailing from giving his formal tour of Eastern Headquarters… to angrily ranting about how Colonel Mustang is a horrible monster who steals your girlfriends and whose only decent trait is his appearance. (FMA 2003 OVA)

Team Mustang getting into those nerd conversations. Those “who would win in a duel” conversations. About State Alchemists. Arguing about whether Fullmetal or Flame would win if they were pitted against each other. Until they decide to set up the actual match. Get the Fuhrer’s approval. The FUHRER’S approval. THE LEADER OF THEIR COUNTRY’S APPROVAL. FOR THIS MATCH THAT WAS JUST SO THEY COULD ANSWER THEIR DEBATE. And force the colonel into a duel. (Manga bonus story “The Military Festival” and FMA 2003)

Team Mustang using over 10,000 sens of the military’s budget to buy flowers for a ghost. A GHOST. Because they scared themselves over their own ghost stories. All of Team Mustang, including the colonel himself, trying to get the bill approved without Hawkeye noticing. Until Hawkeye, the only sensible one here, finds out and is like, “Uhm. No.” (“The Land of Sand” novel) 

Team Mustang going to Maes Hughes to get embarrassing stories of the colonel. (“Under the Faraway Sky” novel)

Mustang hoarding paperclips. He’s the reason no one in Eastern Headquarters can ever find paperclips.  He’s the reason Eastern Headquarters is always purchasing new paperclips. He’s the reason the newly purchased paperclips from Eastern Headquarters go missing again. There’s a mountain of paperclips in his desk. It’s his fault. (“Roy Mustang’s Observation Diary”)

Havoc completely failing to drive a vehicle safely at fast speed, to the point that all his passengers are screaming in terror. (“The Abducted Alchemist” novel)

Hawkeye asking “What is this?” when she finds a dog in their office. Instead of understanding the rhetorical reason Hawkeye is asking about the dog, Falman gives the lieutenant a dictionary definition of a dog. Vato. Vato. Vato honey. That’s not what Riza’s question meant. (Manga bonus story “Dog of the Military?” and FMA 2003)

A cute thing to make your face go :3 …it’s implied that, at Maes’ wedding, Mustang was best man. At the very least he was a groomsman. There is, after all, no other good rhetorical reason for Hughes to tell Roy to “be prepared” for the upcoming wedding ceremony. (Bonus Chapter: His Battlefield Once More; FMAB OVA)

Breda pranking and terrifying the rest of Team Mustang by dressing up as Alex Armstrong. (FMA 2003)

Alex Armstrong bejeweling Hawkeye’s military uniform. (omake)

Alex Armstrong OWNING A SECOND MUSTACHE (why??? why do you own a second mustache??? that’s not on your face???) and giving it to Roy to wear. (omake)

Breda being deathly afraid of doggos to the point he’ll climb up furniture or hide behind curtains and tree trunks. (throughout franchise)

Mustang starting a bitter, antagonistic, ongoing, dedicated rivalry against Maes……… because Hughes took the cafeteria’s last spinach quiche. Somehow we only became friends when Hughes saved Roy’s ass, when teenaged Roy decided it wasn’t a bad idea to start a fistfight six against one. (Yet Another Man’s Battlefield FMAB OVA) Okay okay there’s more to the story and their motivations than that, but it’s an amusing summary of the situation nonetheless.

Mustang shouting and angrily chucking pillows at Hughes to get him to shut up. (“Under the Faraway Sky” novel)

Mustang sleeping by curling up and snuggling a pillow. Awww. <3 (“Roy Mustang’s Observation Diary”)

And where would we be without at least one screencap of Mustang’s memorable pink Hawaiian shirt? (Prince of the Dawn) Let’s be real, even the prison outfit looked better on him. XD

Mustang convincing Armstrong and Breda to kidnap a State Alchemist and illegally transport him out of the country. (FMAB and manga)

Hawkeye trying to save Black Hayate, who has slipped down a cliff, by tossing the dog a gun. Yeah. That’s. That’s going to help, lieutenant. Sure it is. (omake)

Mustang being tutored by a fifteen year old girl on how to do really basic household chores like sweeping and peeling vegetables. And still completely failing at these tasks. (“Under the Faraway Sky” novel)

There are multiple times we are told that Mustang is… not the world’s greatest cook. In addition to his bad vegetable preparation in “Under the Faraway Sky,” there’s also the time in “Roy Mustang’s Observation Diary” wherein the colonel decides to prepare dinner with Fuery… probably to avoid doing work… but eats all of Fuery’s cooked food instead of his own, because Roy knows Roy’s food has a… bizarre and unique flavor.

This is a cute comment rather than a silly one, but we know Team Mustang has meals together a lot, even on their days off! You’ll get these hints in bonus chapters, official art by Arakawa and Bones, and Daughter of the Dusk has a group photo of Team Mustang on a picnic!

Mustang being proud of himself because he’s good with chickens. Cool. Why be the Flame Alchemist when you can be the chicken whisperer? I guess this makes up for him being somewhat bad with dogs…? XD (“Under the Faraway Sky” novel) 

Speaking of, can we please ask ourselves why so many official art pieces from Arakawa and Bones… and even some merchandise… have BraHa on Roy’s head? Why is there a dog on his head? Does the dog climb up? Does Hawkeye put him there? Why is there a dog on his head?

Hawkeye writing a novel about how Mustang is useless. (omake)

Havoc saying that Mustang is only worth 100 sens. According to the suggested unit of conversion in Fullmetal Alchemist Profiles, this means that Havoc said that Mustang was worth….. 89¢. Yes. 89¢. You read that right. $0.89 USD. XD XD XD Ohohohohoho I hope the colonel never finds that one out. (“Roy Mustang’s Observation Diary”)

Mustang managing to snag women who were at the time dating other people (like Havoc’s old girlfriends. Though the angry crowd behind Mustang in “The Military Festival” also has some audience member shouting “Give me back my girlfriend!!!”)

Not only are Havoc and Mustang bad on the flirting front, but there is a point where Mustang asks out a woman on a date during work hours (FMA 2003) and where even married women and grandmothers are responding… favorably… to him (Roy Mustang’s Observation Diary). Oh… dear. Oh dear.

There’s this hilarious if horrible omake parodying The Little Matchbox Girl except it’s The Matchbox-Selling Roy, and every time he lights a match he hallucinates beautiful women until he dies. (FMA Chronicle)

Mustang’s alchemy research notes are coded in a “date log” listing “women.” And all of Team Mustang are given women’s code names for covert missions. The best code name? [cackles] Bradykins. (manga and omake)

Despite having a squishy income, Mustang’s home is nothing more than the ultimate bachelor’s pad, a tiny studio apartment containing almost no furnishings except a couch. (Ultimate Guidebook #3)

And if you want some wonderful, ridiculous official art showing Team Mustang shenanigans… my favorite is DEFINITELY this one…

the incorrect quotes where ed swears for no good reason are always my favorites

Source: [x]

At this point, the guy who had reeled him in had literally fallen over in shock, and the other people with him were scared shitless. The warden whipped some citations out of a plastic bag in his wetsuit, made the trespassers sign them, asked if they had any questions, and then gathered all of their fishing gear. And he just. Walked back into the river. And quietly swam away, without another word.

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