justin bieber

‘Wow. You’ve said the exact same thing to me in a dream once. Is that what’s happening right now?           Quick, pinch me. Just in case.’ 

‘Pinch you? Are you into that? Is that like.. your fetish?’

‘Maybe. Either way, I’m still happy to see another familiar face. How’ve you been?’

‘I’ve been alright, just so mental with new stuff coming out. Management has been so far up my asshole I can taste them in my mouth. How have you been?’

‘Timberlake! I asked for Timberlake. The producers never listen.’

‘You know what, that’s fucking rude and you’re not invited.’

“I’ve met you before so, no. Not really.”

‘Okay, rude. Just because you’ve seen me before doesn’t mean you can’t be starstruck.’

“You wish.”

‘I don’t have to wish with a face like mine.’

“A bit struck that you’ve decided to return, if I’m being honest.”

‘What’s so surprising about that? You guys were so boring, I had to spice up the show.’

‘I’m sorry. Was I staring again?’

‘Did you really miss me that much? Hm?’

“Me? No. I think you are confusing me with Gracie..”

‘No, no. I think I saw the stars in your eyes.’

‘I will neither confirm nor deny. Why ruin the mystery?’

‘I mean we can always solve the mystery in my bed? I’m not really sure where I’m sleeping tonight though so we’d have to find it first.’

‘Shit. And just like that, he’s back. You keep poppin’ up like this, Biebs, and I’m gonna start thinking you’re Big Brother himself.’ 

‘Fuck, why do you have to go and expose me like that, bro? Not chill.’

‘I think we’re all a little too good for this place, but for some reason, we can’t stop coming back. Humans are weird like that.’ 

‘Stockholm syndrome maybe?’

‘I know. I’ve been to a concert. Well, five. I’ve been to five concerts. And by five, I mean seven.’ 

‘And were you responsible for any of the projectiles thrown towards my head?’

‘Ah, of course. We’re forever in your debt. Welcome back, stranger.’ 

‘I’m glad that you recognise the magnitude of my actions. Truly appreciated. Now, what’s fun to do around here nowadays?’

‘Only way you’re gonna leave me star-anything is if Rihanna jumps outta that suitcase.’ 

‘I smoked a blunt with her not too long ago - does that count?’

‘Justin! Hi. Welcome back. It’s nice to see a fellow returnee.’

‘I’m really surprised that some important thing out in the world hasn’t pulled you out of here yet. You’re like.. too good for this shit.’

‘            I can’t even pretend that’s not true. You’re Justin Bieber. How else is a gal supposed to respond?’ 

‘There’s many ways for sure. I’ve had it all, knickers thrown in my face, bras... condoms.’