You make me feel like a teenager, with the way you make me act. Sometimes it is like the honeymoon phase and I am just so happy and life is amazing. Other days, you make me cry not knowing if today will be the end or not. I can't eat or sleep, everyone sees I am not myself but I am too afraid to say why. For if I say it, my fear may happen, again. And though you are hurting me everyday, I rather that than for you to walk away yet again. For a sad confusing life with you is better than a life without you. I hope this rollercoaster ends soon, and we can have just the good times. The good times don't mean there won't be bad days or fights, but being able to work through those days together rather than putting distance between us is what I want. I try to explain these things to you, yet you turn it around on me. Listing off a bunch of things you don't like about me. Listing off a bunch of things wrong with us. You get so angry you walk away from us. But you don't try to work on it. I know it always ends up being the same things you're angry about. And I am working on those things. But I am making progress every day. You may not see it because it is minimal but it is changing. When we get to this point I revert back, because my desire to be better goes away when I see it is still not making you happy. I sit back and question what will make you happy, what can I do to bring a smile back to your face? I see you smiling all the time when you're out and about without me. Is that what would make you truly happy? A life without me? A life without us? All I want is for you to be happy, it doesn't matter much what happens to me. Should I dissappear?
