Fat House Cats

tic tac — oh.

Frank O’Hara, Meditations in an Emergency

To Samar, My biggest fear is being forgotten by you. That I am nothing but a fading shadow of your childhood, a growing stranger you meet once a year even though we have shared the warmth of the same womb. I remember the day you were born in April while the sun got stronger. I remember sitting on the cold marble stairs of the hospital corridor waiting for our parents to bring me to you. You were pink and I didn’t understand how I could love and despise someone so much. I hated sharing the attention but I also knew that loneliness was now a forgotten concept. A fair bargain. when our nanny left us, you left sticky rice on your forehead and cheeks, and I fell in love with you. You became my sun, gently kissing every corner of my world with your humble, soul. You had curly hair like your father and I’d pull them while you grew into a boy who erased the sadness in the blue skies above and built paper planes out of my fears and flew them from our balcony. Your sensitivity, is a soft, calming echo of your grandfather whose kindness is engraved in the scars of your arms that you got playing in the forests of his village.

I fear loneliness but I’m also scared of dependency and its consequences.

Fall colors

Books

Miroslava Duma in yellow

Chloe S/S15  

Miroslava Duma

Cher