Aesthete's Musings

//Consider: 21st century Louis and Lestat going to Ikea to furnish their apartment. They can’t agree on anything and spend most of the precious few hours between sundown and closing time arguing because Lestat wants to buy every modern and flashy item in the store while Louis just wants a simple armchair to sit and read his books in peace but oh my god Louis look there’s an egg-shaped chair that spins and it even has a canopy over it! Lestat then actually tries to fit himself into this child-sized chair while Louis proceeds to have a migraine. Lestat drags Louis, who just wants to sit down for one goddamned second, along through the entire labyrinthine place, exclaiming over every colorful, avant-garde object. Louis is certain he’s seen that hideous bookshelf four times already and it’s either following them or he’s actually losing his mind. Lestat has gone starry-eyed currently surrounded by a collection of amorphous accent pieces which are beginning to look positively ominous. Somewhere along the line they pass a vaguely phallic-shaped rug which just adds to the feeling that they’ve entered some sort of cursed liminal space and nothing really feels real anymore and thank god or whatever powers exist when they finally get kicked out at closing time before they actually become trapped here by some unknowable force of madness.

im gonna liveblog interview with a vampire so get ready kids

brad pitt talking in monotone is the single weirdest and funniest thing i have ever seen

i think im developing a thing for 80s/90s christian slater

“how can i put you at ease?” idk maybe you shouldn’t have told him you’re a vampire 

six minutes in and there’s a montage with dramatic music and a deadpan monologue voice over provided by brad pitt i love this movie already

aaaaannnnnnnddd………….now they’re flying

they’re in mid air, tom cruise in a blond wig is drinking brad pitt’s blood, brad pitt made a sex noise when tom cruise detached himself from brad pitt’s neck, and then tom cruise dramatically dropped him into a river. i really do love this movie

as in all period dramas, there is a scene where a rich person in lacy nightclothes lies coughing and gravely ill in their massive bed in a huge mansion. even when the period dramas have vampires, there’s always this scene

question: how many times is tom cruise gonna attach himself to brad pitt’s neck in this film

also: how many more dramatic speeches is tom cruise gonna have, and how many more sex noises is brad pitt gonna make

this movie is so dramatic i can’t

do you mean to tell me that these two guys can just sit in a public tavern and casually drink someone’s blood in the corner until they die and no-one notices??

the “NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” then the high pitched squeak/laugh i’m losing my shit

in other news, this immortal vampire is also a grape-throwing eight-year-old

HE’S DANCING WITH THE FUCKING CORPSE 

they’re parents. its official. lestat and louis are an old married couple, complete with daughter. i can’t believe i don’t even have to make this up

“you’re mine and louis’ daughter now” gay vampire dads i cannot fucking believe this

there’s door-slamming and everything amazing

yeah thats right armand take louis to your weird underground vampire sex dungeon 

and in rides armand to save his boyfriend (or, more like his crush. who he hopes will be his boyfriend)

so lestat is like “you might have heard of me. im famous. kind of a big deal” right before he drinks someone’s blood then proceeds to complain to them about his ex-boyfriend. incredible

#my favorite Tom Cruise role ever

#turning a small child into a vampire so your lover will be forced to co-parent with you and won’t leave you: get on Lestat’s level

I keep waiting for a gay vampire movie but then i remember Interview with a Vampire happened and literally it cannot get any more homoerotic camp than Brad Pitt being all “omfg I’m reborn as a denizen of hell” while Tom Cruise basically serenades him with the music of the night 

😂😂😂