She Who Hunts For Heaven

[[ Source. Original creator: wats6831. Additional information and images linked under each one. ]]

Universal:

Homemade artisan herb bread, home grown and dried apples and prunes, uncured beef sausage, munster cheese. Made a small bag from cheesecloth and tied it closed.

Discussion thread here.

Dwarf:

Garlic chicken livers, smoked and peppered cheese, spiced pork sausages, hard tack, dried vegetables, dried wild mushrooms.

Discussion thread here.

Elf:

Top left to right: Evereskan Honey Comb, Elven Travel Bread (Amaretto Liquer Cake with custom swirls), Lurien Spring Cheese (goat cheese with garlic, salt, spices and shallots), Delimbyr Vale Smoked Silverfin (Salmon), Honey Spiced Lichen (Kale Chips), and Silverwood Pine Nuts.

Discussion thread here.

Halfling:

From upper left: “Honeytack” Hard tack honey cakes, beef sausage, pork sausage mini links, mini whole wheat toast, cranberry cheddar cheese mini wedge, mini pickles, pumpkin and sunflower seeds, lower right is my homemade “travel cake” muesli with raisins, golden prunes, honey, eggs and cream.

Discussion thread here.

Half-Orc:

Wrapped in cheesecloth and tied in burlap package. Forest strider drumsticks, molasses sweet wheat bread “black strap”, aged Munster, hard boiled eggs, mixed wild nuts.

Discussion thread here.

Orc:

Orcs aren’t known for their great cuisine. Orcs prefer foods that are readily available (whatever can be had by raiding), and portable with little preparation, though they have a few racial delicacies. Toughs strips of lean meat, bones scavenged from recent kills, and dark coarse bread make up the bulk of common orc rations.Fire roasted rothe femur (marrow is a rare treat) [beef femur], Strips of dried meat (of unknown origin) [homemade goose jerky], foraged nuts, only edible by orcs….nut cracker tusks [brazil nuts], coarse black bread, made with whatever grains can be pillaged [black sesame bread], Pungent peppers [Habanero peppers stuffed with smoked fish and olives].

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Gnome:

Pan fried Delimbyr smelt, spiced goat cheese (paprika crusted hand pressed Fontina), Gnome shortbread (savory pistachio), glass travel jar filled with Secomber Red (wine), hard boiled quail eggs packed in rolled oats (to keep safe), dried figs from Calimshan, and Southwood smoked goat sausage (blood sausage).

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Lizardfolk:

Lizardfolk are known to be omnivores, forage for a surprising variety of foods found within the confines of their marshy environs, in this case the Lizard Marsh near Daggerford. Fresh caught boiled Delimbyr Crayfish on wild chives, coastal carrageen moss entrapping estuary brine shrimp (irish moss, dried brine shrimp), Brackish-Berries (blackberries), Blackened Dart-Frog legs (frog legs) on spring sprouts (clover sprouts), roasted bog bugs on a stick!

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Drow:

From top left: Menzoberranzan black truffle rothe cheese (Black Knight Tilsit), Donigarten Moss Snails (Escargot in shallot butter sauce), Blind cave fish caviar in mushroom caps (Lumpfish caviar), faerzress infused duck egg imported from the surface Realms (Century egg), Black velvet ear fungus (Auricularia Black Fungus Mushroom).

We had this HUGE test that day. There was a big party the night before and we were all so exhausted; I don’t think I’ve ever been in a more tired and unprepared class. I include myself in this, as I was making interval trips to the bathroom because I ate so much sugar the night before that I was throwing up the whole next day. Needless to say, we didn’t want to do the test and literally looked and felt like zombies. Girls were crying, boys were laying on the floor sweating profusely. It was weird and gross.

So there was this boy, the Windex Kid. I think his name was Jed or something. He was this really quiet boy who always was reading and didn’t make much of an impression until The Day. Five minutes before the test, in the cafeteria, he took the Windex bottle from the cleaning closest, emptied it and poured his blue Gatorade in it. Put it in his backpack and we went into the classroom, not really paying attention to what he did a minute prior.

It was all quite grand and not unlike a movie scene. The test is about to start. We all are ready to fail and our grades to crash for the semester. I’m ready to vomit again. Windex Kid stands up says in a loud voice “FUCK THIS TEST” and proceeded to drink the Gatorade out of the Windex bottle.

Naturally, it looks just Ike Windex and the teacher panics, thinking a kid just poisoned himself in her class. She calls 911 in a panic. The ambulance comes. We all get sent home early as he’s taken to the hospital where they would soon discover that all there was was Gatorade in his stomach. He was a real hero; he took a bullet for the team. His legacy is still spoken about in that school, my younger brother confirms. Afterwards, he slipped back into oblivion and his books. His glimmer of fame vanished into the darkness, not unlike himself.

normal people enjoy nature and the world around them. creative people apparently don’t even pay attention to the creative works they claim to enjoy (because that guy is somehow simultaneously an elf, a hobbit, AND a wizard).

ordinary people do fun activities with their siblings. creatives engage in offensive racial stereotyping.

All true. All witnessed. No regrets.

Respected professor shakes fist at mountain and dares it to erupt

17 inappropriate ways to wear a hi-vis vest

Everything is 20% muscovite

The double-backwards hammer flip

Putting a fawn in a backpack and carrying it round all day

Food tastes of dirt because too much actual dirt in mouth

Spontaneous outdoors group nudity with sheep skulls to protect modesty

Reversing sheep out of canyons

Doing makeup in the mirror on your compass

Bandaging an arterial bleed with a handkerchief

If I can take it up a 4wd track, then it must be a 4wd!

Puppies ate my rockhammer and the house-cow ate my bra

Where’s [phd student]? *everyone just silently points up*

Killing a stoat with a rockhammer in front of fifteen second years and scarring them for life

Transit van mosh pits

“Why are you yelling? I burned my pubes, isn’t that punishment enough?”

The underwater naked strike and dip

Tent flooding ending in six people sharing one double bed

Dessert sandwiches

Unexpected bulls in unexpected places

Spontaneous a capella outbreak of “Wonderwall” followed by “… *tiny voice* but I hate that song?”

Butt-shuffling down hills that are too steep

Being the *second* person across the wasp-infested log

Back-rub circles

Handlens unscrewing and falling apart in the middle of a river

Field selfies #geology4lyfe

Fault gouge smeared over face

“That’s not yoga, THIS is yoga!” *falls on face*

Accidentally mapping river gravels for two hours and getting lost

*rock falls out of cliff* *twenty people silently take one step left in unison*

I AM THE GOD OF STRATIGRAPHY!

Duct-taping your boots back together every morning

Not enough coloured pencils

Sharing water bottles

If I throw my rockhammer at this, will it stick?

“I swear, I can SEE Milankovitch cycles!” “Okay I’m cutting you off.”

Cross-sections: kink or busk?

Respected professor claims our hydrochloric acid solution is less acidic than coca cola. We dare him to drink it. HE DOES.

Hiking up a mountain on crutches. “YOLO!”

Painting Cambrian-age trilobite fossils with nail polish.

Creepy abandoned fishing villages. So many creepy abandoned fishing villages.

Student finds brachiopod fossils in an outcrop behind said creepy abandoned fishing village. Respected professor gasps and squeaks “Brachiopods??!?” and goes tearing off up a hill to find them.

Students collect so many rock samples that we can no longer see the floor of the 15 passenger van. The van floor begins to develop its own stratigraphy.

Racing the roadside moose in the 15 passenger van.

Respected professor takes both hands off of the wheel of the moving van to get a picture of the moose. Panic ensues.

Mapping an island with nothing but a Brunton compass, a field notebook, and the largest bottle of fireball whiskey money can buy.

Respected Professor singing along to “Man-Eating Trilobite”

Entire class goes to local bar and won’t stop singing local drinking song for about a week.

That one vegan student that survives off of french fries for a month.

Stealing rock samples from National Parks

Straddling the moho

Licking the moho

Peeing on mantle peridotite just to see if it fizzes

Using the same pocket knife for everything. Eating. Scratching rocks. Removing splinters. Seriously, it’s gross.

Hiking down a river only to discover the water level is MUCH HIGHER than anticipated

Nearly drowning in said river but damn it you kept your electronics DRY

“It’s not safe to drink the water. So everyone gets 2 beers per meal”.

Fitting the entire class into a single hot tub

Every lobster is named Jack Daniels. It is known.

Dr Glass: Oh, an undergrad’s just thrown his compass into the sea.

Me: is that… part of the exercise?

Dr Glass: *nonjudgmentally* well…

(an unearthly, animal roar is heard over the phone)

Dr Glass: Ah, now he’s going into the sea.

Me: …To get the compass?

Dr Glass: I think he just wants the sea to take him.

(a peaceable, nonjudgmental silence follows, with distant splashing)