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The fastest way to accomplish The Project is to cease being afraid of The Project. The Project cannot maim you. The Project cannot kill you. The Project is more afraid of you than you are of it. It is okay if The Project turns out differently from how it was in your head, and it is okay if it has flaws. You are capable of engaging with The Project.
Actually, you are enough. Even if you don’t work. Or study. Or go out. Or have friends. Or have family. You’re enough because you exist and your existence is enough to be enough because you are not a product. You are not a sum of output. You are not a task to complete. But because you are something the universe wanted and put here even if you’ll never understand why. Somewhere in the cosmos your existence makes a difference, even if it’s not the way others existences do.
i don't care if it's nazis, mormons, or a bunch of misguided autistic people. if anyone ever tries to tell you your soul is from another planet and you're actually part of the class of impressive people that secretly did everything cool in the world but is now extinct and lives on through your broken genome, you RUN. YOU WILL RUN AWAY. YOU WILL SPRINT FULL SPEED AWAY FROM THAT.
grabs you by the shoulders listen. listen to my words. i understand the urge to make fanfiction about yourself and to find a reality in which you're super awesome and great and everyone who hates you is wrong and dumb. i get it. you're better than that. you can love yourself without putting other people down, dehumanizing and generalizing, and retaliating against your oppressors.
there's no NPCs. there's no aliens coming to save us. we're not the next step in human evolution. our hyperconnected nervous systems give us terrible sensory overwhelm more often than they make us geniuses. neurotypical people are sentient, conscious, aware people who are capable of understanding you. we're more the same than we are different. we're more the same than we are different. we're more the same than we are different.
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Synopsis: Mary Murdock is a blind lawyer with a strong sense of justice by day and the Devil of the Bowery or Daredevil by night. She defends the neighborhoods that are often ignored, delivering justice to those who evade it. A chance encounter in a dark warehouse in the Bowery, along with a charity gala to support the Gotham City Legal Aid Fund, puts her on the radar of the Batfamily much to her dismay.
warning: cursing, sibling banter, appearances from Bruce and Damian, (there might be some errors that I missed)
wordcount: 3,407
author's notes: the respond to this series has been just wow. I had to turn off the notifications because there was just so much. As always like, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. Credits of inspiration given at the end.
[Batfamily Interviews Masterlist] | <- previous - next ->
The video starts with a quote from Dick Grayson.
"I can already see the comments shaming us for going for the milk. You try these wings! Try them!" he yells at the camera.
The introduction montage starts to play.
"This is Hot Ones Versus." the narrator of the video said, "In front of these contestants is a stack of deeply personal questions. They can either tell the truth…"
It cuts to a moment featuring Jason.
"I think this might actually kill Tim…" he's quoted saying.
"Or suffer the wrath of The Last Dab." the narrator continues.
Tim's voice cuts through, "Oh my gods, this is so bad!"
"Whoever eats the most wings…loses." the narration ends.
Sitting at the table was Tim on the left side; Dick and Duke sitting at the center fully in front of the camera; and Jason sitting on the right side. Palate of wings were laying in front of each boy, along with glasses of milk and water.
"We binged watch every episode of Hot Ones in preparation for this by the way." Dick states.
"I'm scared." Tim says.
"I'm excited actually." Duke states.
Round One
Dick picks up the first card, "This one is for Tim."
"Shit." Tim says.
"For this first challenge, you can only use one your senses. Choose wisely." Dick read.
"Let's go with taste since we're here. That's the respectable thing to do when your doing a wing challenge." Tim said.
Dick laughs as he read ahead to himself.
"Oh no, that was a bad idea wasn't it."
Dick nods his head, "After gracing us with their presence sixteen years ago, Mattel introduced to us a Justice League toy line featuring the six original members. The line continue to grow as the League did. You must now successfully identify Justice League toys only using the sense you selected. Which was taste."
There was laughter coming from the crew and Tim instantly regrets his choice.
"I don't think anyone but Tim could do this." Duke said as a crew member comes and places a blindfold and headphones near Tim.
"I live for this shit." Tim said as he put on the headphones. "Alright I'm ready!"
A tray featuring action figures of the original six Justice League was place in front of Dick. He grabs the Aquaman figurine first and holds it up.
"Open up." Dick said.
Tim begins to practically make out with the toy. Jason, on the other side of the table, was loosing it.
"Someone clip this please." Jason said looking at the camera.
"Hold it still!" Tim mumbled out, mouth full was Aquaman's head. "Can I have the arm please?"
"What do you want? The weapon?" Dick asked.
"Aha." Tim said before wrapping his lips around the trident. "Aquaman."
Dick hold up the Wonder Women figurine next. Tim clamps down on the head, feeling the toy with his mouth. Dick is trying to not to laugh too much.
"Can you provide me with the feet?" Tim asked.
Dick turned the figurine so that Wonder Woman's feet were now being bitten by Tim.
"I think it's Wonder Woman."
"Yes!" Dick exclaims.
Flash was next. Dick slows protrudes Tim's mouth with Flash's head.
"I've got no idea." Tim said, sitting back a little.
"Focus on it's head…it's got two identifiably things on its head." Duke said.
Tim goes back for the head once more before sitting back after a minute.
"Okay is it Batman?" Tim said unsure, "Flash."
Dick looks towards the crew, "Does that count?"
"I'll let you make the call." a male crew member said.
Tim still blindfolded knew what verdict his brother was going to make.
"Bullshit, you just shoved plastic in my mouth for the last twenty minutes. I should be given that." Tim yells. Dick, Duke, and Jason all lean in various of ways in laughter, "Is it Flash?"
"Yes, but you guess Batman first." Dick reminded.
"No, but I corrected myself immediately." Tim defended.
"Cause I didn't immediately say yes." Dick argued.
"This is rigged. Do I have to eat a wing?" Tim looked between his brothers and the crew.
"Yes that's literally the whole point." Dick stated.
Reluctant, Tim ate a wing. the others waited with baited breath for his reaction.
Tim swallowed, "I'm fine-" His words were interrupted by a cough that made the others laugh.
"I think this might actually kill Tim…" Jason said.
"Our little Victorian child." Dick commented.
Tim held up his middle finger as he drunk from his water glass.
Jason picks up the next card.
"This is a wildcard for Dick." an air horn sounds and the words 'wildcard' goes across the screen. "Okay then um…Dick you grew up in a traveling circus, where you were performing acrobatic tricks by the age of five."
"True." Dick confirms.
"Put your skills to the test by beating me in a handstand competition. Whoever loses must eat a death wing." Jason read.
"Oh great." Dick said, sarcastically.
The tables have been pushed to the side. It was just Dick and Jason against the white back drop with Tim and Duke standing to the side.
"You ready to go?" Dick asked is brother.
"Let's do this." Jason responds.
Both boys fall into a handstand, their backs facing the camera.
"We're gonna be here a while." Tim mention.
Duke has a card in his hand, "To spice up the competition, the other opponents can now try to sabotage the competitors."
"What?!" both Dick and Jason yelled.
Foam balls were given to Duke and Tim. They started to throw the balls at their older brothers. The older boys start to let out a series of complaints. Both had now turned so they were facing the camera. Jason had caught a ball and threw it back towards Duke. Tim nailed Dick in the balls causing him to falter.
Dick groans as he falls backwards. Jason remains in a handstand.
"Ha, I win!" Jason boast.
"This game is rigged." Dick stated.
The tables are back and everyone is back in their seats. Dick sighs and looks up at the ceiling before taking a bit.
"Mhm, mhm. Okay." Dick wipes his fingers on the black napkin. He lets out a breath that turns into a cough. "Coughing does not help."
"Duke, you led the We Are Robin youth movement after Batman was presumed dead leaving Gotham hero-less.." Tim read from the card.
"Oh, y'all did research, I see." Duke commented to the crew.
Tim continues to read, "Rank all of the Robins from best to worst."
Duke thinks for a moment, "There's five Robins or four past Robins and we are on number five now. I'm going to say Robin 3, Robin 2, Robin 1, Robin 5, Robin 4."
Round Two
Tim: I Dick: I Duke: 0 Jason: 0
"Jason, you love and know romance novels, but how well do you know your RomComs? I will now read poorly described plot descriptions and you must tell me which movie it is. Miss one and eat a death wing." Tim said.
"Poorly described?" Jason questioned. He makes a face, not confident in his skills.
Tim nods goes to read the first plot, but the wing from earlier was still effecting him. "It doesn't get better with time," he states, "Okay a woman falls for her arch nemesis via email."
"You've got mail." Jason said instantly.
Second plot: "Two people who desperately want to break up realize that Staten Island is for lovers."
"How to lose a guy in ten days?" Jason said unsure.
"Yeah." Tim confirmed.
Third Plot: "A high-schooler who can't drive realizes she falling in love with her step-brother."
Jason laughs, "Clueless."
"I'm sorry what? She falls for her step-brother?" Duke makes a face.
"They were step-sibling," Jason explains, "we'll watch it next movie night."
Fourth plot: "A man doesn't think he came be friends with a woman, but he can share a sandwich with her."
"When Harry me Sally, which I've actually never seen before." Jason states.
Fifth plot: "A boss blackmails her assistant into marriage."
"The Proposal."
Sixth plot: "A woman accepts a proposal from a recovering asshole."
Jason brows pinch, "Huh?"
Tim stifles a laugh, "Dude, you have to get this. You're going to be so mad if you don't."
Jason mumbles the sentence back to himself. Dick leans over to see what the movie was and makes a face.
"Jay, come on you know this." Dick hinted.
"Can we give hints?" Duke asked looking towards the crew.
"Yes." someone answered.
"This is like a movie adaptation of a really popular book." Tim said.
"That like fifty percent of Rom-Coms!" Jason exclaims.
"Do you give up?" Tim asked.
Jason sighs in defeat and picks up a wing, "What was it?"
"Pride and Prejudice."
"Fuck! Are you serious?" Jason fumed.
"I told you you were going to be mad." Tim reminded.
"Kudos to you, you did good, Jay." Duke praised.
Jason shook his head, upset that he didn't guess his favorite novel. He takes a huge bite of a drumstick.
"Oh Jason is just going in…" Duke said watching Jason.
"Damn Jay…" Dick observed.
"It taste the way bleeding feels" Jason coughed out.
Tim smirked, "Yeah, you would know all about that wouldn't you."
Jason threw him a death stare, "You are so lucky that there is about five feet between us — holy shit, I feel like it's getting worse." he goes to chug some water while his brothers laugh at him.
"Duke, you are still relatively new to the family." Jason struggles to read out.
"You okay there, Jay?" Duke asked, chuckling.
Jason clears his throat, "Shut up…rank all of us from most to least likable." He throws the card down.
"Rank like rank all of the siblings or rank everyone in the family." Duke looks to Jason then the crew.
"Yeah, we'll say just us sibling." Jason said.
Duke shakes his head, "I can't do that. You've all been so welcoming to me."
"See we haven't broken him in yet because everyone else would have answer this in a heartbeat." Jason told the crew/camera.
"So you can rank the Robins just fine, but not us?" Dick questioned.
Duke picks up a wing and takes a bit. He chews on it then makes a satisfied face.
"It's good." He clears his throat, "Definitely feel it in the chest."
Round Three
Tim: I Dick: I Duke: I Jason: I
"Dealer's choice. The player who picks this can ask one of their opponents any question they wish…their opponent must answer truthfully or eat a death wing." Dick reads out loud. His voice was going in and out still affected by the wing from earlier. "Well this can actually be a question…for everyone, but going to mostly directed to Jason…"
"Fuck you." Jason said, sweating from the heat of the wing.
"What happened to my motorcycle, Jason?" Dick asked.
"That's why I said fuck you in advance." Jason said, voice breathy.
"What happened to my motorcycle?" Dick asked the question again.
"Which one?" Tim asked trying to act oblivious.
"Don't play stupid with me, Timothy." Dick argued.
"I think we should pretend that this card never happened…" Duke said.
Dick looked forward, a little past the camera, "Bruce, where's my bike? I know you know…"
There was a pause before Bruce's voice was heard in the distant, "Ask Jason."
Dick turned to Jason again, "Jason…"
Jason also looked off camera, "Damian."
"I swore an oath to father that I wouldn't tell…" Damian said from behind the camera.
Dick looks at Bruce with tight lips, "Now why would he have to do that, Bruce?"
"Everyone eat a wing." Bruce declare.
Duke took a bit of a wing without complaint. Tim picked up a wing and took the smallest bite in the world. Jason took a bite, but bite of a lot more than he wanted to.
Dick saw him about to spit it out, "Nope, you got to eat that."
"Tim you've been in more hostage situation than anyone else in the family." Duke says.
Tim looks towards the crew, "Alright, who the fuck made these cards?" Everyone laughs.
"Rank these villains that have held you hostage from least intimidating to most intimidating. Condiment King…."
"Condiment King, really Tim." Dick looks at his brother.
"I was just trying to get a bat burger." Tim grumbled.
"…Kite-Man, Polka-Dot Man, and The Mad Hatter." Duke finished saying.
"Mad Hatter, I understand, but Kite-Man and Polka-Dot Man, Tim." Jason threw a disappointed look at him.
"From least to most intimidating? Um…Kite-Man, Condiment King, Polka-Dot Man, and Mad Hatter." Tim answered.
"Hey Richard…" Jason says with the biggest grin on his face.
Dick, already not liking this, "What the fuck do you want, Jay?"
Jason laughs as he reads the card again, "I love whoever made these cards."
"Get on with it!" Dick yelled.
"You've had many public girlfriends, one of whom was the police commissioner's daughter…" the camera zooms in on Dick's face, which was sweating and scared for the question. "Out of all your girlfriends whose the worst kisser?" Jason laughs starts silence before it gradually getting louder as he watches his older brother complaint life.
"Um…" Dick began as he picked up a wing, "Y'all play dirty and I don't appreciate it."
Dick hesitates before taking a bit of the wing, "I feel like it gets hotter every time I eat it." He lets the taste settle.
"Are those tears, Grayson?" Damian asked from behind the scene.
"No…" Dick denied. "I can already see the comments shaming us for going for the milk. 'Oh, they can't handle it blah blah.' You try these wings! Try them!"
Round Four
Tim: II Dick: II Duke: II Jason: II
Duke picks up a card, "It's tradition around here to put a little extra on the last wing…"
"You and your opponents can add an extra dab to your final wings now." Duke finished reading.
Tim and Dick both get up, but Tim goes to grab a bottle of sauce while Dick walks straight off the set.
Jason laughs, "Dick just left."
Tim confused, "Where is he going?"
There is laughter coming from the crew. The camera pans off set to where Jason was coming back in.
"You good brother?" Duke asked when Dick walked back.
There's a cut in the video, the boys are back at the table. Each putting a little extra one their wings…maybe a little too extra.
The camera is on Jason's wing. The sauce pours out of the bottle fast.
"Oh gosh is that too much?" Jason picks up the wing to show the crew/camera, "Will this send me to hell?"
The camera is on Duke's wing next. He pour the tiniest bit of sauce on his wing.
"Duke…" Tim observed both Jason's and Duke's wing, "Look at the difference."
"It said a little." Duke defended himself.
Dick was next, pouring the same amount of sauce as Jason.
"Oh see they like living life on the edge" Duke stated to the camera.
Tim pour a little extra than Jason and Dick.
"Yeah no, you guys are cooked." Duke shook his head and the three boys laughed. "Our local vigilante Batman is know for his unique utility belt that houses gadgets such as the bat shaped ninja stars. For this last challenge we'll be testing how good your aim is while wearing inverted goggles. The player with the most points wins."
The set changes. A backdrop of the skyline of Gotham city is rolled down. Crew members roll in a dart board and lock it into place. Each boy was given inverted goggles and three 'bat-a-rang'.
"Okay should we throw to see who goes first?" Dick asked.
"Nah let's just do youngest to oldest like we always do." Jason said.
Duke puts on the goggles and looks around, "Woah."
"Alright, ready? Gonna spin you." Jason said and began to spin Duke.
Jason stopped and then position Duke so it was facing the board. Duke throws his first dart - 20.
"Shit." Jason said.
Duke threw the other two darts - 4, then 14. Duke lifted his goggles to see his score.
"Oh wow, I did better than I thought." Duke surprise with himself.
Tim was up next. Jason spun him faster than he did Duke. Stopping Tim and lining him up with the board. Tim stumbles a little when Jason stops him.
"Why did you spin me so fast you jerk." Tim whined before holding his hand up to throw the first dart. He had missed the board completely causing everyone to laugh.
"I fucking missed didn't I…" Tim frown getting ready to throw his second one.
"No no, you're doing great." Dick reassures.
Tim throws his second dart - 20. Then lastly his third - 3. Tim took his goggles off.
Jason was next. Dick spun him for longer than Jason had spun Duke and Tim.
"Alright, Dick!" Jason shouted, holding his hands out to steady himself. "Am I lined up?"
"Yeah." Dick lied.
Jason first throw missed, sticking itself on the backdrop instead. Jason turned a little to his left and threw his second - 1. The boys let out a laugh. Jason threw his final dart - 3. Taking his goggles off, Jason saw his darts.
"This game is rigged." Jason stated.
Dick walks up next. All three boys join together to spin him. Though it was more of Dick getting jolts around. Jason patted Dick's shoulders as to settles him into position. Dick throws his first dart - 5. His second dart was close to the green center, but not quite and his third dart missed. Dick removed his goggles.
"Okay could be better, but hey, I was the closest to the bullseye." Dick said.
Duke: 38 Tim: 23 Jason: 4 Dick: 17
The camera cuts and Jason, Dick, and Tim have their palette of wings in their hands. While Duke just stands beside them.
"Cheers." Dick said as him, Jason, and Tim bumped their wings together. "Alright guys, I'll see you…"
"On the other side." Jason finished.
"On the toilet." Tim said also finishing Dick's sentence.
The three take bites of their wings and the effects are immediate.
"Oh…OHHHH." Tim yelled.
"I ate the whole splotch…." Jason mumbled out already beginning to sweat.
"This is the end of my week." Dick declared.
The videos skips to moments later, Dick, Jason, and Tim have accepted their fates. Duke stands in front of the camera with the trophy wing in hand, completely un-phased. The rest of the boys are seen panting, crying, or chugging milk.
"So I won. Uh white people are crazy." Duke says as he starts his winning speech.
The camera is focus on Duke, but in the background was Tim, actively dying. The boy had tears in his eyes and a glass of water in hand.
"Oh my gods, this is so bad." he said bent over laughing through the pain.
Duke ignores the cries of distress and continues, "This is for my parents and my people. A shout out to Bruce and Y/N." He gives a smile as the crew applause. "All righty, thank you!"
"Bru- Dad!" Dick yells holding his arms out towards Bruce, who was coming in frame.
Bruce chuckles as his eldest wraps him in a hug.
"Alright there, chum?" Bruce amuse by the situation.
Dick sucks in a breath, "I'm gonna died, this is hotter than Cass' Buldak noodles."
Jason comes into view with a traumatic look and red eyes from crying, clutching onto Damian. Seeing that everyone in a state of…not functioning, Duke closes out the video.
"This has been Hot Ones with the Wayne Brothers. Thank you so much for having us. Be sure to catch our next video, whatever that might be." Duke said throwing an arm around Jason. "How are you feeling?"
Nothing but a small whine came from Jason. Duke laugh enjoying the sight of his surrogate brothers in different states of unwell. The crew starts to clap, and credits start to roll as Duke leaves Jason and Damian.
8,838 Comments
@ princesscello
Duke giving a speech while the rest of the boys roam the background
melting down was amazing.
@ everythingsred
New meme unlock
@ classyapple
They forgot ALL the media training they had and I'm here for it.
→ @ bridge4756
Funny you think they had any to begin with.
@ fallenangel4012
Okay, but now I'm curious as to what happen to Dick's motorcycle.
@ iamirobot
Why are they acting like this is their first time eating spicy food. They have zero tolerance.
extra notes: credits to Dylan (Dyllikescomic) for the 'what happen to the wingcycle' bit. art credit: @jasmingen92. Also, I don't know why half of the tags aren't working.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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For the girlies who do the fake instagram/social media posts, what do you use to create them? I know there’s apps and sites but what’s the go-to that is easy to use? I’d prefer an app but I’ll hear anything out. I really want to do them.
Summary: Azriel refuses to leave your side after the Valkyrie training, which is all well and good until a certain High Lord shows up unannounced.
A/N: Almost there! Next part is Az finding out, I promise! I honestly didn't expect this part to take so long to come out. Thank you all so much for your patience. I don't know why, but writing every scene with Rhys so far has been like pulling teeth. Thank you all for your patience. Some stuff came up with my job that took over the past month of my life, but it should be over now, or at least calmed down (but I'm not promising anything).
This will probably be the shortest part, besides possibly the epilogue. There is a possibility that what is now part 5 will be split, but I'm not sure yet (the reveal will happen in the next chapter no matter what, don't you worry).
Word Count: 4.5K ish
Warnings: Reader has chronic pain (I'm trying to keep it accurate, but just in case: any medical inaccuracies are due to the fact that Reader is fae and not human and should be attributed to the biological differences between the two species), semi-unreliable narrators, feeling insecure, more angst, talk of pregnancies and complications during pregnancies (see previous note about medical inaccuracies, but with more fae and magic nonsense), past child abandonment, Rhysand means well
Part 3 | Part 5
————
Azriel's wing coils gently behind you, its warmth seeping through the back of the couch, soothing some of your aching muscles. The shadows curl lazily about the room, humming contentedly. A soft smile pulls at your lips, eyes lethargically following their swirling movements. Azriel's arm drapes around you, his touch light, leaning into you as much as you are him. He insisted on taking you to his apartment after you reunited in the garden, keeping you close as you and the parents-to-be arranged a time for their appointment in a few days.
The two of you barely said a word when you arrived; Azriel discarding his leathers before sitting next to you on the couch, the shadows depositing warm mugs of tea in your hands. Your fingers flex gently around the mug, the contents seemingly charmed to remain the perfect temperature. Azriel takes a long, slow sip, eyes never leaving you.
The soft cushions relieve some of the stress on your spine, muscles still throbbing after spasming earlier. During the kiss. Just the thought has your smile growing and warmth rushing up your neck. You have only been kissed a handful of times, but they weren't… like that. A spark of warmth filling every part of you, the need to feel him more important than breathing, all your pain momentarily forgotten. It was the first time the bond flared so brightly since it snapped, the only time it brought a gentle warmth and love and acceptance and no pain.
Azriel nuzzles your hair softly, you can feel his smile against your scalp. "What are you thinking about that has you blushing so prettily?" he hums.
You turn to him slightly, flush deepening. "Just you," you admit in a whisper.
Azriel's smile broadens. "Oh, yeah?" he murmurs, amusement dripping from his voice. "What about me?"
Ducking, you hide your face in his shoulder. "The garden," you whisper.
He hums, pecking the crown of your head. "I meant every word."
You still, his words breathed into your skin hours ago echoing in your mind.
You are everything. So perfect.
I love you so much. My beloved.
I'm yours.
Your pulse climbs into your throat and you draw your hands in until you can feel the warmth of your tea on your stomach, almost enough to disguise the void opening there. You could feel the sincerity in his words, his earnestness flowed through the bond. You want so desperately to believe them, and you had for a brief, perfect moment.
Then your lower spine spasmed and reality flooded back. You aren't perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. He only calls you such things because you keep a part of yourself from him, a part that dictates your entire life. Such sweet nothings will die on his lips the moment he learns, as they have for everyone else in your life.
"Hey," Azriel murmurs, tenderly guiding your face out of his shirt. He studies you with a quiet intensity. "Where did you go?"
You try to force a smile, but it's shaky. "Nowhere," you try. Azriel hums, unconvinced, eyes not leaving yours. You take a deep breath, gaze sliding to a shadow curling serenely on his shoulder. "I- I didn't mean to ruin everything with your family," you breathe.
His brows cinch, eyes flickering between yours. "Oh, my love," he whispers, voice soft and thick. Shaking his head, he leans in slowly until his forehead rests on yours. "You didn't ruin anything," he vows, the words gentle but heavy.
"But… the Hight Lord–" you start.
"Was wrong," he finishes gently, running his thumb across your cheek. "He never should've spoken to you that way. He knew those questions were inappropriate and asked anyway. If anyone ruined anything, it was him, not you."
You purse your lips, taking a shaky breath. The High Lord may have asked the questions, but only in response to you, your job, your trip to the Dawn Court. It was still your fault in that way, but you knew Azriel would never see it that way.
Your eyes drop to his chest. "I'm sorry about this morning," you breathe, shifting to try to relieve the ache from your twisting spine.
"Y/N," he whispers reverently, his voice catching. His other hand cups your jaw, his tea disappearing into the shadows. "That was not your fault. None of this is your fault." Gently, he tilts your head up, ducking to catch your eyes.
"But, if… if I wasn't there it wouldn't have happened. She never would have been kicked out," you insist quakily.
Taking a deep breath, Azriel closes his eyes. Your pulse thunders, hot tears burning behind her eyes. It really shouldn't surprise you; despite his flowery language, he can't deny that. Still, the jagged bond writhes in your chest, the hollowness in your stomach growing.
"Y/N," he says softly, his eyes opening, lined with silver tears. "My kind, sweet, beautiful, selfless Y/N." He smiles shakily as your face heats. He forces himself to take another deep breath, his eyes locked on yours. "Your presence may have been a catalyst, but her actions, her words, are hers and hers alone. It is her responsibility to bear, my beloved. Not yours. Never yours."
Your breath picks up, faster and shallower than before. Azriel's fingers tense against your cheeks, his jaw ticking as he studies your face. Stiffly, you force yourself to nod once, just to put him at ease. It works, his hands and shoulders relax a fraction, a sigh escaping him.
"It looked like you wanted to kill her," you breathe, voice steadier than you felt.
Azriel tenses again, eyes widening as they flicker across your face. You know of his job, of course, heard the stories that circulate about the… less savory aspects. Today was the first time seeing him fight, watching as the kind, gentle shadowsinger morphed into the deadly Spymaster. You thought it would scare you, distantly you were aware it should scare you, but it hadn't. Fear had been coursing through your veins, but Azriel was never the cause. Rather, it had fascinated you in a way you don't think it should; it made somewhere deep inside of you feel… safe.
You keep your face neutral, waiting patiently. It was a part of himself he hasn't shared with you and you aren't going to force him. You know all too well what it must feel like, to keep something secret for fear of rejection. But it was different, you reason; he has a family who has stuck by his side, while you… The only constant you have is Madja and you suspect she only tolerates you because you pay for her tonics.
"I… I considered it," Azriel admits in a tight breath.
Your lips pull upward in a small, shaky smile, his eyes track the movement, brows furrowing. Slowly, you lean in, watching him closely, your lips pressing softly onto his cheek when he doesn't pull away. His body shudders, wings twitching from the slots carved in the couch.
You pull back a fraction, smile steadying, his head turning slightly, your eyes meeting his hazel ones again. Mentally, you map every line, ridge, diamond, and fleck, noting the hundreds of colors that appear to glow in the sunlight.
Hesitantly, you lean in again, gaze flickering to his lips. His fingers tense against your cheeks, a soft breath escapes him as his lips twitch upwards. For a moment, your lips just brush each other, both your breaths already quickening in the shared air. The touch sent a painful shiver up your spine that you ignore. The shadows dance excitedly, urging you both closer. Time seems to slow, your very being gravitating to him, the bond clawing in your chest, begging for your mate's touch.
Drifting forward, your lips slot perfectly in his. You both sigh in relief, lips languidly beginning to move as one. The shadows take your tea and your hands immediately come to lightly grip his shirt, pulling his body flush to yours. The bond roars in triumph, heat pouring into your stomach and somewhere lower, demanding more. Carefully, you pull back before the need fully overtakes you, the bond screaming in protest.
Leaning your forehead against his, you both smile, cheeks flush. "I'll be honest," Azriel pants, a hand tucking a small lock of your hair back, "that's not how I thought you would react."
Your brows furrow, smile dimming slightly. "It wasn't too much, was it?" you ask quickly, trying to pull away.
Azriel's grip keeps you in place, shaking his head as your mouth opens again. "It was perfect," he breathes, pressing forward until his lips meet yours again for a brief moment. "You are perfect."
You relax into him, eyes fluttering closed, limbs heavy, even as your mind spirals, fighting against his words. Once he finds out about your condition, about the bond, this… fantasy he made of you will crash and he will leave. You're sure of it. Everyone has before him. Why should he stoop so low as to accept you? You who are weak, uneducated, poor, who has spent the past 24 hours ruining different parts of his life. How he was not embarrassed by you already, you don't know. It was only a matter of time, you concluded the night you met him in Madja's clinic, before he left you for someone better, as is his right.
"I wish I got to meet your family," Azriel murmurs, breaking your thoughts.
Your eyes snap open, pulling back sharply, wincing at the shooting pain up your spine. "W-what?" you breathe.
Azriel's brows furrow, his hands dropping. You had told him that you grew up at the Silver Oaks Orphanage when he asked about your family in the past. The words had stuttered out, face flushed with shame. Az had simply taken your hands, gently explaining how the Lady Nyssa had all but adopted both him and the General. He had never pushed or asked for an explanation.
His soft smile remains, a hand gently reaching up to grasp your wrist, thumb running tender circles along your pulse point. "Your parents, my love," he tries again. "I wish I could meet the fae who blessed me with you."
Heat flares up your neck and cheeks, you shift away, the shadows stilling around the room. You don't remember much about your parents, but you remember their voices, the disappointment, the disbelief, the yelling. They still echo through your dreams, along with your begging; begging them to believe you, that you weren't trying to get out of work. Mostly, you remember their silence, their disbelief in Madja's diagnoses. Then they were gone, leaving you with the old healer, refusing to take you back.
You still see them every once in a while, your parents and siblings, selling their crops in the market. You're always careful to stay away from their stall.
A tear burns a path down your cheek, you pull your hands away from him, furiously wiping your face. Azriel's smile fades. "If- if you truly want to, then we can- I mean, you are- if they–" you stammer, breaths coming too fast, too shallow, before you stop yourself.
They don't want you, never have, why would that change now? And if they told Azriel why they left you behind, he would just follow suit. Your breath shudders, the bond roiling at the thought.
"Hey, hey," Azriel chides gently, taking your hands in his, guiding them away from your face. "Breathe, my love," he commands softly. Shadows press in around you, whispering against your skin, a light grounding weight on the back of your neck. They pulse against you, slow and steady, miming a deep breath.
You do your best to copy, focusing on their steady weight against you, on the light brush of Azriel's thumb on the back of your hand. It takes several moments, but your breathing does start to even, although your heart continues to pound against your ribs. "That's it, beloved. That's it," he encourages. "What were you trying to say?"
Lips trembling, you force a steady breath, eyes focusing on where his hands hold yours. "It's just…" you push past the lump in your throat. "They own a farm, maybe two hours from the city. It- if you t-truly want to meet…" you trail off as his hands tense around yours.
His brows cinch, a muscle in his jaw flexing. "They're still alive?" He asks, voice almost a growl. Flinching slightly, you nod. "And… you were raised at Silver Oaks?" he asks, trying to keep his voice steady, but it remains low.
Slowly, you nod, breath shuddering again. "They- I–" you stammer. "I was six when… when they…" you couldn't get the words out, eyes closing as more tears fall, missing how Azriel's eyes darken.
"Oh, sweetheart," he breathes, voice cracking.
Slowly, he gathers you into his arms, drawing you to his chest. Placing a tender kiss on your hair, he holds you as you attempt to keep your breathing even. "I was too much," you admit thickly through your tears. Azriel goes still beneath you, but you keep your eyes closed, basking in his warmth, his wing curling around you. "I couldn't help on the farm, so I wasn’t worth keeping," you repeat, the threat constantly thrown your way until they made good on that promise.
Azriel's breathing picks up slightly, but he stays eerily still beneath you. You take another breath, the shadows nudging you encouragingly. Exhaustion pulls on the edges of your mind, dampening the walls you normally keep around the memories. "I- I was no use to them," you heard yourself saying, "not after Madja–"
A loud knock echoes through the apartment. Your words die as you stiffen in Azriel's hold, eyes snapping open. The shadows still around you, their indistinct voice shifting from soft whispers to a harsh hiss. Azriel tenses beneath you, blinking the silver from his eyes, gaze hardening at the door.
You are both silent for a long moment, barely breathing before the knock sounds again. "Az," the High Lord's voice is dampened through the wood, low and hoarse, almost tired, "it's me."
You scramble in Azriel's hold, sitting up as much as you can, ignoring the rippling pain along your spine. Azriel's arms remain firm, not caging you, but keeping you close. Your heart thunders, eyes flickering wildly across the room. Instinctively, you grip tightly onto Azriel, pressing back into him. Your breath comes fast and shallow, a few hot tears burning your cheeks. The shadows flock to you even as their swirling ceases.
Azriel pulls you back into his chest. You don't resist, nearly collapsing back into him. Your body trembles in his hold, the High Lord's accusations from the night before echoing in your head. Rubbing a hand along your arm, Azriel gently shushes you, his shadows running along your body. "It's okay, my love," he hushes, voice barely a breath. "If he doesn't hear us, he might just leave." Azriel tries to add some levity to his voice, but it remains tense.
Your gaze slides to him, blinking rapidly. "Does that normally work?" you whisper, breathing shakily.
"Az, I know you're in there," the High Lord sighs, his voice echoing through the quiet apartment. "Please, can we talk?"
Azriel lets out a long, controlled breath. "Worth a shot," he mumbles. You try to laugh, it coming out a huff through your tight chest.
Slowly, carefully, Azriel shifts to settle you on the couch next to him. Grabbing your hands in one of his, he gently tilts your head until you're looking him in the eyes. "Listen to me, my love," he whispers, his gaze searching yours. "You don't owe him anything. You don't have to talk to him or even see him if you don't want to." You swallow thickly, forcing yourself to nod. A muscle feathers in his jaw. He leans in, pressing a long, gentle kiss to your cheek. "I'll deal with him," he says, voice low as he pulls away.
Slowly, Azriel stands, stalking towards the door. The shadows surround you tightly, whispering against your skin. Your hands shake, butterflies fluttering in your stomach as you force your breath to remain calm. You stand, mostly unaware of the action, turning towards the door, drawing the shawl around you tightly.
The door swings open silently, and you have to take a step to the side to see around Azriel. The High Lord stood in the doorway, dark circles under his eyes, a hand running through his hair. Azriel studies him, keeping his wings drawn tight. Rhysand lets out a relieved breath, smiling weakly at his brother. "I wasn't sure you were going to answer," he admits softly.
"I almost didn't," Azriel retorts, crossing his arms over his chest.
Rhysand nods slowly, licking his lips. "I…" he starts, sighing softly. "I want to apologize."
You watch in silence, hugging yourself in the shadows' embrace as Azriel scoffs. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."
"I know," Rhysand says, pursing his lips. "But, showing up at her place unannounced didn't seem like the best course of action," he chuckles breathlessly.
Azriel growls, taking a step towards his High Lord. Rhysand's voice fades and he tenses, squaring his shoulders, almost like he's preparing for an attack. "And you thought showing up here unannounced was better?"
The High Lord flinches slightly. "I was wrong. I shouldn't have… fuck," he breathes, running his hand through his hair again. "Can I please just speak with her? To apologize and explain."
Your breathing is still heavy and your pulse echoes in your ears, even as the shadows attempt to guide you towards the couch again. "What is there to explain, Rhys?" Azriel snarls, hands clenching at his sides. "You made your opinion very clear last night."
Rhysand lets out a heavy breath, nodding slowly. "I–"
"She doesn't want to see you," Azriel continues, cutting him off. Your grip on your shawl tightens.
"But–"
"No," Azriel barks, wings extending slightly, blocking your view of the male he considers a brother. "She does not want to see you. You don't get to argue your way out of that, Rhysand. If you have something you want to say to her, then tell me and I can pass it along."
You take a step back, your calves hitting the low coffee table behind you. The shadows rush to stabilize you, the soft thud echoing through the apartment. Azriel stills, head whipping towards you, his hard expression softening slightly, his wings extending further, almost hitting the walls. A hand flies to your mouth as if that will soften the sound, neck and cheeks heating, your back protesting the shock. Gently, the shadows guide you away from the table, but you can't bring yourself to sit despite their prompting, so you stand next to the couch, eyes fixed on the rug beneath you that doesn't look like it's from the Night Court; Summer Court maybe, or Day.
"She's here," Rhys breathes, somewhere between a statement and a question. Azriel's gaze returns to him, a low growl rumbling through his chest.
You can hear the High Lord shifting on the other side of Azriel as your mate squares his shoulders. "Just say what you came here to say, Rhysand," he demands, forcing his wings to fold just enough to provide you a sliver to see the High Lord.
Rhysand tracks the movement, eyes finding you almost immediately, a long, careful breath escaping him. "Look, I… I am sorry. Truly. I jumped to a conclusion and refused to be swayed when it turned out to be wrong. I never should have spoken to you like that, never should have… interrogated in such a way, never… well, there are quite a few things I should have done differently," he admits, just loud enough for you to hear. Your grip tightens around your shawl, the other hand coming down to wrap around your middle, eyes stinging.
"It's just…" he continues, voice bordering on desperate, "you have to understand. I've known Az since we were children. He's my brother in all but blood. In many ways, I know him better than I know myself. And I know that when he loves, he does so with his whole self, willing to put everything on the line for those he cares for," Rhysand pauses, taking another breath, eyes flickering to Azriel. "And there… there have been times when that has been used against him, against the Court." Your eyes jump to Azriel, his back still turned to you, wings almost fully tucked in, but his shoulders tense.
Pursing his lips, Rhysand looks back to you, your wide eyes meeting his for a brief moment before they drop again. "I will always do what I need to, to protect my family and my Court. So, when I recognized you as the one who had the private meeting with Theason, I wrongfully assumed the past was repeating. I pushed because I thought I could catch you in what I assumed to be a lie. And when one of the first things you answered was something we were explicitly told by our healer not to do, I thought I had."
Rhysand's eyes close for a moment, his lips pursed. Your breath picks up slightly, a few tears falling. "But then, you went into your reasonings and… either you were a really good liar, or you were telling the truth and Feyre, my mate, suffered from something with such a simple solution because we…. because I refused to look in the right places. I needed you to be lying just to prove that we didn't miss anything, that we did all we could, that what happened to Feyre was inevitable, and the only thing I could point to was your meeting with Thesan."
The High Lord chuckles drily, running a hand over his face. "Of course you can't tell us specifics of what you spoke about with him. I know how confidentiality works, and I used that against you. I am deeply sorry."
Quiet breaths shake your frame. Azriel turns slowly, watching you with a carefully neutral expression, hands still clenched at his sides. You don't even hear him move, just feel the shadows split apart before his arms wrap around you. You lean into his chest, letting his scent engulf you as you try to control your breathing, keeping your gaze fixed on the rug.
"I am not saying any of this to excuse my words," Rhysand continues. "What I did was inexcusable, but I did just want to give you a bit more context so, hopefully, you can understand where I was coming from. What happened last night, what I did and said, had nothing to do with you and should never have happened. I don't think there are words to express how sorry I am."
Your breath shudders in your chest, Azriel's arm tightening slightly around your waist, and you force yourself to nod, unable to find words. Your head hurts, dry tear tracks mar your face, your thoughts moving like molasses. The muscles in your back rage, begging you to lie down, even Azriel's support only offering slight relief, and all you can focus on is how much you want this to be over.
Rhysand takes another deep breath, nodding stiffly. "You should go," Azriel says, the gentle rumble soothing your frayed nerves.
"Yeah, of course," Rhysand agrees. His eyes find you once more. "We are having a birthday dinner for Az next week. You are welcome to come, Y/N. Only if you want, we understand if not." He gives you a sheepish smile before turning to leave. The shadows make quick work of closing the door behind him.
Your body falls into Azriel, knees buckling beneath you. Azriel doesn't flinch, gingerly guiding you back to the couch and gathering you into his lap. Your muscles ease slightly, but are still tense in his hold. Azriel sits too still beneath you; his only movements are his careful breaths and a hand rubbing soft circles along your upper back.
Everything around you feels distant and out of focus. The feel of your mate's body and his scent are the only things that feel real. Distantly, you are aware of what emotions you should be feeling: disbelief, anger, guilt, and shame, but it all feels so far away. Azriel's voice cuts through the fog gently. "I'm sorry," he breathes into your hair. "I've got you, my love."
The shadows trace gentle patterns up your arms and around your neck, and you melt further into the haze, taking comfort in the nothingness. Somewhere out there you feel the shadows guide Azriel's hands to better support your strained back, although even the pain in your back feels distant; it wasn't often that you are able to remove yourself so fully, so you embrace the opportunity.
Exhaustion pulls on your mind as you nestle further into your mate's chest. The High Lord's voice echoes through your mind, most of it disjointed and muffled, but one part breaks through. "Someone hurt you?" you ask, tongue heavy in your mouth, your words barely a breath.
For a moment, you don't think Azriel hears you. He doesn't react, tracing soft circles along your back and arms. Azriel stiffens slightly after a few seconds, the meaning of your words dawning on him, his hands hesitating for a brief moment before continuing on their paths. "Out of everything Rhys said, that is your first question?" he asks teasingly, but his voice is strained. Your grip on him tightens and Azriel lets out a long, slow breath. "It was a long time ago, my love," he admits softly, his arms tightening around you.
Carefully, you turn your head to look up at him, the odd angle angering your already inflamed muscles. "Where are they now?" you demand in a whisper.
Azriel looks down at you, wetting his lips, eyes softening. "Gone."
"Gone?" you repeat.
Studying you carefully, Azriel nods slowly. "Dead," he amends, voice clipped, adjusting his hold on you but not letting go. "She's dead."
Something odd settles in your chest at his words: relief and satisfaction and something almost protective. Nodding stiffly, you settle your head back on his chest, eyes fluttering closed. "Good."
————
Fun fact: the original plan was to have Rhys appear unannounced at her door. But then I thought about it and realized Az wouldn't leave her alone after the dinner and the training, so… here we are. The conversation had to be reworked with Az, but it gets us where we need to go in the end.
Tumblr was giving me issues getting all the taglist done in one go. Some may have gotten multiple notifications while I figured it out. Just think of it as my way of saying Love You 😘
If, when my toddler is, you know, toddling around saying “mama? Big ball?”
If I were lean down and say “unfortunately the big beach ball for some reason fills you with such an unadulterated rage that is beyond human comprehension that you scream until you pass out, so mama had to remove the beach ball from the premises until you can better regulate your emotions” she would simply stare at me like I had 3 heads full of equal betrayal.
so metropolitan museum of art has a register of books they’ve published that are out of print and that you can download for free! they’re mostly books on art, archeology, architecture, fashion and history and i just think that’s super useful and interesting so i wanted to share! you can find all of the books available here!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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The Wayne Family Does A WIRED Autocomplete Interview
pairing: batfam x batmom; Bruce Wayne x fem!reader
warning: Usage of Y/N (it's unavoidable here), Bat siblings, Bruce Wayne has a sense of humor (who knew), talks of pregnancy, Tim Drake missing spleen, light cursing (there might be grammatical error sorry)
wordcount: 3, 184
author notes: my YouTube watch history is going to be fucked with this series. Anyways I hope you guys like it.
[Batfamily Interviews Masterlist] | next interview ->
The video opens with with a short in the moment intro. It the Wayne Family, they don't know that the camera started to roll. In the first row from left to right sit you, Damian, Cass, and Duke. Behind in the second row sits Bruce, Jason, Dick, Tim, and Stephanie. Jason is messing with Damian by barely touching his earlobe. Damian flinches at the feel of a ghostly touch.
"Todd!" Damian yells. Which cause Damian and Dick to both laugh.
You turn in your seat to swat Jason's hand away, "Can we behave for once?"
The camera cuts before showing the Wayne again, but this time all facing the camera sitting nicely as this time they were informed that the video had started.
"Hello, we are the Waynes and this is the WIRED Autocomplete Interview." Bruce introduces.
Autocomplete suggests the most common searches on the internet
"I still don't quite understand the rules of this…" Bruce admits to his children.
Stephanie groans, "B, we went over this."
So WIRED asked the Wayne family some of the Internet's burning questions
Jason holds the board and angles it in a way that it faces the camera. The board display that of a Google search with Bruce Wayne typed into the search bar and four questions coming up in the search. Part of the sentence was hidden under a white tab.
"So these are like the most searched questions from Google and you have to answer them." Tim explains.
"Is there a right and wrong answer?" Bruce asked.
Tim and Steph both shake their heads, "No."
"Just answer the question however you want." Stephanie said.
Jason pulls the first tab off to reveal the hidden part of the question. "Is Bruce Wayne…richer than Lex Luthor?"
"Um…I think I'm generally considered richer than him in wealth, I mean I'm certainly richer than him in other aspects…like having hair…"
The crew begins to laughs. Jason makes a 'boom' sound as he pretends to drop a bomb.
"Shots fired." Dick said.
You were sitting there pinching the bridge of your nose trying your best not to laugh.
"You know lots of things" Bruce said smugly.
"Why is Bruce Wayne…afraid of bats?" Jason read off the next questions.
"Are you really afraid of bats?" Duke asked turning in his chair to look at Bruce.
"Okay…I wouldn't really say afraid…." Bruce started before you interrupted.
"No, you still have some fear for them." you corrected.
"When I was seven, maybe eight, I fell down an old well that was part of the property that I wasn't suppose to be at. Ended up being part of a cave system and there was a flock of bats that swarmed and attack me." Bruce stated.
"Wait are you serious?" Stephanie double checked.
"When aren't I?" Bruce said sarcastically.
Jason reveals the next question, "Does Bruce Wayne…have living family?"
Stephanie gasps, "Kate. We love Kate." The other nod in agreement.
Bruce throws a hand up, "My cousin, Kate from my mother's side. Who was actually with me when I fell down that hole and may or may not be the reason." Bruce gives a dead stare to the camera.
"Clip that." Steph said towards the crew.
Bruce gave a confuse look, "What?"
"B, again we talked about this!"
You were still hung up on what Bruce said, "Wait no she wasn't. Kate was living in Europe at the time."
Bruce put a finger to his lips in a 'shushing' motion.
"Alright last question," Jason annouced, "Is Bruce Wayne…batman. That's the age old question right there."
"Bruce is never beating the batman allegations." Dick said.
"Not I am not Batman. I hate that guy." Bruce states.
Jason throws the board somewhere off camera.
The next broad gets passed and it had Dick's name on it. Damien holds it, while you peel off the tabs and read the questions.
"Alright is Dick Grayson's name Dick." you read off.
"Yes actually his full name is Dick-wad." Jason answer for his older brother.
Dick slaps the back of his brother's head. "It's Richard." There was a pause before Dick speaks up again, "Why is Dick short for Richard? Who came up with that?" Dick asked, genuinely curious.
"In the Middle Ages, it was a trend to rhyme things. Rich or Rick was actually the shorten name for Richard, but then Rick evolved into Dick." Alfred answer somewhere off camera.
"That was the infamous Alfred Pennyworth everybody." Jason said.
You read the next question, "Where is Dick Grayson…from?"
A unison of 'o's' sounded from Dick's left (camera right).
"Aren't you like…technically not from anywhere?" Tim asked.
"Kind of, I was born into a traveling circus, so there was like actual city to like call home because the circus was home." Dick explained.
"So nowhere?" Stephanie clarified.
"Your birth certificate actually says Star City because that's where the circus was heading next." Bruce mentioned.
Dick pauses and leans forward to look at Bruce, "They told me that they lost it."
"I have my ways." Bruce said.
"Okay, two more question." you say. "What happened to Dick Grayson?"
Dick looked towards the camera confuse, "Did something happen to me that I'm not aware of?" This makes Stephanie and Jason laugh.
"I think they are talking about the circus accident, honey." you say.
"Oh like what to me after the…oh well to make a long story short, I got adopted by a grumpy rich guy that had no idea what he was getting himself into by taken in a kid that lived in a circus his entire life."
"Never in the history of ever did someone had to child proof chandeliers." Bruce said.
"Is that why the chandeliers are all bolted like that?" Duke asked.
"Yes, because Dick kept swinging on them."
"You know everyone thinks that Jay was the trouble, rowdy kid, but it was actually Dick." you pointed out. "Alright last question…you wanna read it Dami?"
"Dick Grayson…butt contest?" Damian read out.
Dick hides his face while his siblings laugh at him.
"So…" Dick began to say, face still hidden behind his hand. "So Teen Vogue put me in a contest for who had the greatest ass or something like that." Dick removes his hand from his face. "They had Nightwing also in that contest and it was down between me and him and I lost…which is utter…crap. I definitely have the better ass, but yeah that's that." Dick explained.
Damian tosses the board lightly off camera and another board was handed to Duke.
"Damian this one is yours." Duke said. "Is Damian Wayne…vegan?"
"Vegetarian. They are entirely different despite what people might think." Damian informs with a matter-of-fact voice.
"Is Damian Wayne…" Duke begins the next question before Damian can go into detail about the difference between vegans and vegetarians. Duke pulls back the tabs and slightly laughs at it before speaking. "Is Damian Wayne a test tube baby?"
Jason fell towards Dick in a belly laugh. Stephanie was also laughing and clutching onto Tim for support. Damian crossed his arms in a pout and you pulled him in and gave him a little frown.
"Oh wow, how did you guys get Tim's search history?" Jason joked. Tim threw his hands up in defense.
"I think they are confusing me with the clon-" you covered Damian's mouth before he could say too much.
"Is this really what people are searching?" Bruce asked.
Jason straighten up and wiped tears from his eyes, "I think that's the best question we are going to get this entire video."
"No Damian is not a test tube baby." you answer as you removed your hand from Damian's mouth.
"Well…" Tim began and that seem to set off a vocal stim amongst the siblings.
Damian glared daggers at his brothers.
"Stop it." Bruce warned.
"What is Damian Wayne's…favorite animal?" Duke read.
"All of them, it's hard to chose a favorite." Damian states.
Cassandra leans over and whispers something into his ear. It was the first time she had say anything the entire video. Though she is know to be the quite one and not one for speaking.
"Cassandra said that I should mention all of my pets that I have." Damian repeats what Cass said to him.
"You have have like 20 animals." Tim said.
"This is gonna be a minute." Dick stated.
"There's Alfred The Cat, he a tuxedo cat so it makes him look like a butler. So I named him after our butler. Ace and Titus are mostly father's pet Doberman, but they like me more. Then there is Bat-Cow, she has marking on her face that make it look like she is wearing a mask like the bats and then I'm gonna count Grayson's dog Haley because I watch her a lot and then…" Damian turns to look at Bruce. No words where exchanged between the two, but you knew what Damian was asking. "And then there is Goliath, he's a dragon bat."
"You just unintentionally answered the next question." someone says off camera.
Everyone looked towards Duke as he pulled off the tab to the last question.
"How many pets does Damian Wayne have?"
"Are you fucking psychic or something, Cass? Jason asked looking at her.
Cass gives a knowing smile.
The next board was pass and Stephanie grabbed it.
"Oh this should be good." she said and looked at Tim, who was beside her. "Is Tim Drake…" she pulls the tab, "Gay?"
"I lied I think Tim's questions are going to be the best." Jason said.
Tim sighs, already over it, "Yes, bisexual. Next question."
"Does Tim Drake…" Stephanie reveals the rest of the question and instantly falls out of the chair in laughter. Everyone was confuse.
"Wait what did it say?" Dick asked leaning back to look at Steph who was on the floor.
Tim snatched up the board from her and read it. "Does Tim Drake have a spleen..okay you know what, we're done."
Tim tosses the board and walks off screen. Stephanie was now in tears on the ground. Dick and Jason were now also laughing. Cass was smiling, laughing silently.
"Drake is very sensitive about his spleen." Damian said.
"Tim, baby, come back." you say.
Bruce looks back at Stephanie, "Stephanie…" there was a bit of amusement in his voice.
"Steph, honey." you said.
The was a cut in the video, everyone was in recovery form laugh, Stephanie was wiping the tears from her eyes and every once in a while she would threaten to start laughing again, but would compose herself.
"Okay look the whole spleen thing." Tim began and this time Jason was the one to break, "Jason!"
"I'm sorry, the situation was funny." Jason said.
"Okay so I got stabbed. When you live in Gotham there is a fifty percent chance you are going to get caught in something." There was some gasps from the crew. "Hold on, don't gasps yet. I kept it a secret. Bruce and mom where out of town along with Alfred," Bruce could feel his blood pressure rise the more Tim tells the story, "So I tried to take care of it myself. Ended up getting an infection from it, got really sick. Dumb and dumber had to take me to the hospital, where I had to get my spleen taken out."
You and Bruce were shaking your heads.
"This is where we also learned that Tim is like a freaking Victorian child. A common cold could actually kill him." Dick said.
"Should also mention that Bruce had to demand to get your spleen back and now we have it in a jar." Stephanie said.
"Yeah, so that is the spleen story, so now everyone stop talking about my spleen." Tim said to the camera.
"Tim Drake coffee order." Stephanie says.
"Black coffee with half a pound of sugar." you say.
"It is not that much sugar." Tim corrected.
"Timothy." you said with a stern voice.
"It's a lot of sugar." Tim said, defeated.
Stephanie reveal the last question, "Tim Drake's age."
Tim went to answer, but Jason stopped. "Hold up, hold up. I think we should have the old man answer this."
"I know how old all of you are." Bruce stated.
"Do you though?" you looked back at your husband. He looked at you offended.
"Dick's 25, Damian is 11, Duke is 16, Jay you're 19…"
"That sounds like a question." Jason stated.
"It wasn't. Cassie is also 19, older by two weeks. Tim and Steph are 18."
You looked surprised, "Wow, I'm surprised, you normally get them mixed up."
"Jason's turn." Dick says holding the board. "Is Jason Todd…Bruce Wayne's biological son?"
Jason rolled his eyes, "Really."
It should be noted that Bruce and Jason were sitting the exact same way with their arms crossed and a scowl on their face.
"Multiple blood test have been done and we can confirm, for now at least, that Jason and Bruce have no biological relations." you state.
"I think it's the fact that DNA test have to even be done." Tim said.
"You guys do scarily look alike though, even Dick, Tim, and even Cass have some resembles." Duke said.
Cass got your attention and started to sign to you.
"Do you remember when we found that one picture and we all thought it was Jason, but turns out it was actually just a young Bruce." you translate Cass' signing.
"I don't see it." Bruce says looking at his children, which makes the crew laugh.
"Is Jason Todd…dead?"
"Only on the inside." Jason says and he moves before you could wack him because he just knows. "Um…I was. Well I was presume dead anyways."
"Dude has a whole grave and everything." Stephanie said.
Dick pulls the tab back to the third question, "What happened to Jason Todd?"
"That's a loaded question." Tim says.
"A lot." Jason states.
"And final question," Dick says, "Why did Jason Todd go missing?"
"Oh my gosh," Jason blurts out, which makes some laugh. "I ran away, I was a kid. Stop Googling me, please." Dick throws the board behind him.
"Oh goodness is it my turn?" you say looking at the board Bruce was holding.
"How did Y/N Wayne and Bruce Wayne meet?" Bruce askes.
"The most rom-com way ever." Dick said.
Bruce made a face, "I wouldn't say that."
"Bruce didn't like me when we met." you say. The news of this makes the children gasps. You nod, "Yeah He tried to find ways to get rid of me actually because he didn't think I was needed. I was hired on as Bruce's assistant though really I was working for Alfred cause someone didn't want to run their own company." you dissed.
Bruce lean down to kiss the top of your head, "I'm glad my attempts weren't successful, my love." he said.
Jason reads the next question, "How did Bruce Wayne propose to Y/N Wayne?"
"Well it was suppose to be a surprise, but someone couldn't keep their mouth shut and crash the proposal site." Bruce grumbles.
Dick had a guilty look on his face, "Listen I was excited, I didn't know it was suppose to be a surprise."
"I quite literally told you that it was when I tucked you into bed that night."
"To answer the question though, we went to the Gotham Botanical Garden because there was a new statue exhibit that were like copy of famous renaissance sculpture, but I had to pretend like I didn't know what was happening because Dick told me that night before leaving for dinner." you said.
Bruce has the board back in his hands now, "Y/N Wayne's birthday."
"Yeah Bruce, when's ma's birthday?" Jason asked.
"It was one time…" Bruce address.
"One time too many." you said giving him a look.
"It's May twenty-second." Bruce said.
"Is Y/N Wayne…" Bruce lifts the tab, but puts it back when he read what underneath it.
You furrow you eyebrows at him, "What?"
Jason leans over Bruce to pull the tab away, "Pregnant." An uproar started which causes you to laugh.
"There is already enough of us!" Steph exclaim.
"There's no way this is how you tell us." Tim adds.
Duke and Cass where beaming compare to Dick, Jason, Tim, and Stephanie. Damian's expression was unreadable.
"No I am not pregnant." you say.
"You're smiling!" Jason points out.
"I was just laughing."
"I'm not convinced."
"Last board." Duke announces.
"Last board!" the rest children said (minus Damian and Cass) in various different ways.
"Alright. How to get adopted by the Wayne family?" Tim reads off.
"Be an orphan or semi-orphan." Dick said.
"Have a lot of trauma." Tim adds.
"And you too just might be picked up off the streets by Bruce Wayne." Jason finishes.
"Or you can be like me and just stick around long enough that you eventually get you own room and become a dependent on taxes." Steph says.
You laugh at your children's antics while Bruce just shakes his head. Something that he seems to do a lot through the video.
"How many kids are in the Wayne Family?" Duke reads the next question.
"Legally or…" Bruce asked, which makes the crew laugh. "Legally everyone here minus Stephanie who, beyond contrary belief, won't let us adopt her. So don't let what she says fool you."
Stephanie beams.
"Does the Wayne Family own Gotham?" Dick reads.
"No." Bruce answers, "We are one of the founding families, but none of us really own anything. Gotham is run by the people…I just help fund it."
"The Wayne family corrupt." Jason reads.
"Again no." Bruce restates, "My father made questionable choices, but it was all driven by the love he had for my mother."
"And it seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Jason said as he grabs Bruce's shoulder.
The last broad gets flung somewhere off screen.
"Well that's it, I hope everyone was satisfied with our answers." you say.
"Thank WIRED for having us and apologizes to the crew members that were almost taken out by flying boards." Bruce said.
The children all wave to the camera and the video ends.
922 Comments
@ rollinghills
Bruce's face the entire time during the pregnancy question, oh she is definitely pregnant.
@ tessabp17
Not them throwing Bruce under the bus the entire time.
@ clairebear646
Why didn't Stephanie, Duke, or Cassandra have a board??
→ @ tjt5841
Cass is really private, Duke is also private and still new to the family, he's just being foster by the Waynes, and Stephanie is just there.
@ nicodegallo
Stephanie is essentially a squatter in the family. She has squatter rights lol.
@ bee2free
No because Damian looks the least like Bruce and he is the only one actually related to him.
→ @ justiceforjay007
They all look so alike, I forget that none of them are related to one another
→ @ snaillover365
Tim and Cass could literally be twins
add. notes: Lore is ovbiously changed because the internet/people can't know that the Wayne are in fact the Batfamily.
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