she/they | bisexual | 22

The kid’s eyes widened with excitement when he spotted Thorne. “You’re back!”

“What’s up, bro?” Thorne attempted nonchalance, trying not to think about how Cinder had shivered in his arms. Worst Roommate Ever award goes to Carswell Thorne for making out with the girl Kai had been obsessed with for the past three years. Though, of course, it was him who got with Cinder before Kai. 

He eagerly set his shower caddy down and practically ran to Thorne’s side. “I need your help.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever said that to me. Let me relish this moment.” Thorne joked, but it felt off. Maybe because he just kissed his best friend! Maybe because he was already thinking of ways to get her to his room without Kai knowing! The same guy who begged for his help whenever she was single! Kai should not want his help. 

“Put some clothes on first, Calvin Klein.”

Kai ignored his request. “I drank way too much last night and I said something to Cinder and I think I freaked her out.”

“I could tell. You slept until it was practically dark out. What did you say?” 

He already knew. Cinder had told him. Then he kissed her. And she kissed him back. What does that mean? Usually A + B = C, but in this case, it equaled glaring and hatred. He may have instigated it, but she returned it. 

“I don’t remember. Not really. Something about Jade.” He frowned. “But she’s been ignoring my texts.” He groaned.

“Are you and Jade dating, by the way?” Please say yes. Aces, Kai, for the love of everything good in this world, please say yes.

Another deliberating glare. Maybe Cinder and Kai really do belong together. Maybe Thorne should kiss Kai to make it even. 

“You of all people should know how much I want to get out of this. I trust you the most.” He paused, as if debating whether to add to his statement. “You’re like my best friend, actually.”

On the outside, Thorne was merely looking at Kai, maybe even smiling. On the inside, Thorne was smashing his head against the wall, trying (and failing) to remove all feelings of guilt, shame, and regret. So he’d managed to screw over two of his best friends today, and he was lying to one of their faces. What a day! He used to consider himself lucky; now he was convinced he was out of stars to wish upon.

“I love you too, bro. No need to get all emotional.” He managed to speak. Then his tongue ran faster than his brain (which kept happening in all sorts of different ways). “Is that why you have no clothes on? Are you trying to seduce me?”

Another Cinder-like scowl. “Sorry, but I don’t swing that way.”

“I could kiss you right now and I think you’d like that.”

“No, I’d gag–”

“You sure would.” Thorne erupted into a grin.

Kai gaped for a second, then recomposed himself. “I actually don’t think I could, given that I’ve seen your ‘friend,’ and it’s nothing to look at. Actually, it was hard to tell what it even was, given how small it was.”

“Aw, you think about me that much? I’m touched.” He cocked his head. “Just like how I’m going to–”

“Ok, I’ve had enough.” Kai turned and walked away. Thorne chuckled and watched him leave. 

“Turn around, pervert.”

“Nah, I like the view.” 

Glare number three. 

“If you wish, but only because I’m your best friend.”

“Shut up. I take it back.”

“No takebacks.”

“This isn’t kindergarten.”

“I don’t care.”

Once Kai changed, he returned to Thorne’s side of the room. “I think I might like Cinder again.”

Aces and Spades, sometimes Kai acted like they were in middle school. “What, do you like-like her?”

Glare number four. “Actually, I don’t need your help.”

Thorne grabbed his shoulder before he could leave. “I’m sorry, dude. Continue?”

Kai sighed, running his hand through wet hair. “I mean, I don’t even think I ever not liked her.”

“You mean love.”

He remained silent, which was all the confirmation Thorne was going to get. 

“Well, you’re an asshole.” Thorne blurted. Perfect example of the ‘freudian slip.’ He knew that from when he’d quizzed Jacin in psychology.

Kai whipped his head towards him. “In what way?!”

Thorne shut his eyes. He remembered how distraught Cinder looked over Kai still being with Jade. The very reason she came to Thorne was because of this kid. Did Kai not know how much pain he was causing her? 

“Imagine how Jade’s gonna feel if you got with Cinder. She might actually kill both of you.”

His roommate nodded. “I’ve accepted that fact, but something tells me that’s not all you meant to say.”

Thorne sighed. Kai was always good at reading people. He always had to be on guard whenever he had to hide something from the kid.

“Well, you’d make Cinder upset too.” He tried to act cool about it, but he couldn’t forget his desire to cheer the girl up while she subconsciously bit her lip.

Kai’s eyes narrowed. “You saw her today.”

How did he know that? “Uh, what?”

“You did. She told you what I said, did she?”

“I saw her, but she only seemed down. She didn't talk much.” No, but their bodies were. Oh, shut up Thorne!

Kai stared at him for a few more seconds before dropping the subject. “I think I’m gonna sleep now.” 

The kid, disheartened, sluggishly made his way across the room. He climbed the cheap wooden ladder to tuck himself into his lofted bed. Thorne finally collapsed on his own with a deep sigh and finally began to unpack his bad decisions.

Sure, Thorne has found himself attracted to Cinder, but he never considered a relationship with her. No–he had. He never thought about it seriously enough to expect a good outcome, however. Plus, he couldn’t tell if Cinder actually thought he was hot or not.

The answer was yes, apparently. 

Thorne shut his eyes, remembering the feeling of her lips against his. The way her fingers tugged recklessly at the ends of his hair. How she quieted his grunts with her mouth and–

“Thorne?” Kai suddenly asked. 

He reluctantly opened his eyes. “Yeah?”

“You’ll help me? Get with Cinder, I mean?” Kai’s voice was small and vulnerable. He could feel the hope behind it.

He gulped. “Yeah, dude.”

“Also, can you turn off your lamp?”

Thorne chuckled but it sounded hollow against the guilt in his chest. “Sorry, yeah. Good night.”

“Night.”

He might be a bad friend tonight, but he’d make up for his sins tomorrow. Now, all he had to do was to get Cinder out of his head.

A/N: fyi, this is how allegedly straight male guys in college act with each other.

Saho is aware of the reason; it has been evident since the Queen’s last visit. Her abrupt departure shifted the energy in the Palace. Torin might try to hide his affection, but his unsaid words give more information than actions ever could. How Kai was more forlorn, with crinkled eyes from the sleep he wasn’t having, late-night sitting contemplating in his cabin, the way his frown lines are more visible than laugh lines every time, ruining his handsome face — his husband was a true whiner when it came to talking about Kai.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Suho asks, seeing his breathing pattern normalise. His question is answered with silence; he knows not to push. Kai would speak when he’s comfortable. All Suho knows is that he’s going to force Torin to feed their child three meals a day and put him to bed if the need arises. If he fails, he would have to take it up with Suho himself.

“The Lunar Ministry sent a document,” he squeaks, at last.

Suho prays for it to be anything but the answer he’s assumed, “— a separation of rights, entities and mutual respect, were the contents of it”, his prayers return unanswered.

“-In her last visit, Selene had mentioned how her Council wanted a divorce. That’s all she says, before fleeing like some thief,” voice pained, as he swallows grief that’s clasped his shoulders like a jin, and won’t leave, throwing the crumbled pages, “Today I get this, which is surprising because it’s my marriage and I don’t remember agreeing to their bullshit.”

His faltering voice has shifted to an anger-filled disdain, reflecting off the closed walls of the room. Kai’s up, slamming the door open, as he walks into the people-filled corridor, Suho following closely behind, as she requests him to calm down. Kai pays no heed as he keeps on walking, all individuals making room for the Emperor to pass, as they notice him. Exchanging looks once he is moved ahead of them, some are concerned, others decidedly want something to talk about.

Nothing could have prepared him for the state he finds the cabin in, papers strewn all around the floor, the holograph Kai had kept for years on his desk, flickering in a corner. He hears himself gasp, careful to close the door after him.

Kai’s in his own daze as he walks behind the now bare Mahogany desk, connects the telephone lines, which he must have haphazardly pulled out sometime ago, and dials a number, shivering.

Suho doesn’t have to look at the digits to know who he must have been calling. It’d always been her.

From the very first time Kai had met her gaze, everybody had known. However, what none of them had known was the amount of turmoil it would cause these two. Sometimes, he and Torin would wonder if such devastatingly cruel love was worthwhile.

“One might think the Lunar Queen would be prompt,” Kai rebuffs, banging the receiver, before dialling the number again. A process he does a handful of times, each shove harder than the one before.

“Kai, you don’t have to ruin this,” Suho sighs, as he tries to pull away the receiver, but his grip is too definite, words razor-sharp, as he objects, “Suho, don’t.”

The dial tone rings between the two. Suho uses his towering age to his advantage, demanding that he stop this. However, Kai has grown into the Emperor he is today, and he holds his ground, adamant, as he requests, “I’d appreciate it if you give me a moment alone for this phone call.”

“Kai,” Suho cajoles, hands still holding the network cable, prepared to disconnect if the phone link is established.

“— Please,” the boy whispers, back at those tricks he uses, and much against his better judgment, he steps away, “Don’t do something you’d regret.”

There’s no nod from his end, nothing to acknowledge if he has heard. Suho can only hope that the phone isn’t connected as he closes the door, standing outside patiently, as he messages Torin to cancel all things on Kai’s schedule for the day.

He’s a disaster.

How bad?

He’s calling her right now.

Stars, are you with him?

He’s kicked me out.

From inside the cabin, there’s the faint noise of dial tones, this time not Her Majesty’s private channel, but the Ministry one.

3 sharp beats, before the phone connects. Suho is holding his breath, waiting for ruin to happen.

“Mr Lee, it must be my lucky day. You finally picked up the phone call,” Kai speaks, voice filled with crassness. 10 seconds of silence, before Kai repeats in the same tone, “- I understand how severely busy Madam Selene must be, you don’t need to ask her to call me. However, let me know whether the Lunar Ministry would require a printed copy of the signed document or if an electronic version would suffice?”

He doesn’t know how much of this he will regret after the phone call ends.

“-on what, Your Majesty?” Suho hears the faded timber of the Queen’s assistant and wonders why Kai would want to have this conversation over the speaker.

“Declaration of mutual separation, I wasn’t aware of it until 2 hours ago, funny, how they didn’t tell you about this, either.”

“Kai,” Suho hears, it’s the Queen. Eyes closed, his forehead falls against the teak frame, the worry he’d felt from earlier, now fully settled inside his bones.

“Splendid, now that Madame Queen is here, I can expect the answer sooner,” Kai replies, regardless of the quivering voice of his wife. There’s a pause before she replies, “Anything that suits the Commonwealth.”

There are no further words shared between the two. Suho waits with bated breath for either of the two to apologise, but neither utters a word. At last, he hears the device being thrown across, sharp and shattering, before it leads to a curling sob, which makes his insides twist.

He juggles the knob, but the door’s locked, unmoving, and Suho’s desperate, concerned, “Kai, please open the door.”

Feels his back hit against the door on the other side, as he croaks, “I hate her so much. So fucking much.”

—

Kai doesn’t tell anyone about the draft for 13 days, which is astonishing, considering Torin and Suho already knew, and by extension, all the people in Kai’s personal life would learn. Which was surprising, considering that none of his dear friends asked, nor his sweet cousins, nor his mature relatives, or worse, visited. It led him down into another spiral, one that pushed his self-worth into the negative.

Ironic, for an Emperor.

The papers were shoved in the last drawer of his desk, along with the broken holograph, somewhere far enough that he wouldn’t have to see it; however, they never seemed to leave his mind. At the end of the cream paper was her signature, looped and final.

“You look like you got out of the storm,” someone said, entering through the door with her loud presence. It was Nyla, his older cousin. Favourite, if he stretched it.

“Well, I haven’t survived it yet,” he replies, already moving from behind his desk, as he was engulfed in her hug, “What brings you here?”

“About that,” she spoke, her index finger shoved in his chest, “Torin said something happened, but won’t tell me what. Strangely, he wanted me in the Palace.”

“And you came?” Kai asks incredulously, deeply touched by Torin’s gesture, recalling how he had been giving him a hard time for being so much of a shove for the concern.

“Kai,” Nyla warned, escaping through the layers of the outdoor clothing she had put on to secure herself against the cold.

“I mean, you’ve been busy,” he explained, “-not enough to see you, idiot.”

She’s made herself comfortable on the brown sofa, and it resembles simpler times, when he wasn’t the Emperor, and she wasn’t the most booked lawyer in the country. He’s sitting across from her, as she talks about all her problems with the Palace, and Kai defends every issue, like the dutiful homeowner.

“- Do you want me to remind you how much you begged my dad to adopt you because you loved to live here?” Kai laughs, eating from those takeouts bag she had brought along with her.

“Please, Uncle Riki would have traded me for you any day,” she rebuts, expecting him to say anything, but he’s too busy eating the sticky mango rice, and when he’s done, she’s staring at him. She wants to know about the storm, Kai realises, and as much as he would like to share his woe, he doesn’t want to.

“Kai,” she whispers, trying to get him to meet his gaze, “You don’t have to tell me now, but I’m staying till you need me.”

He gives her one tiny nod, looking at his feet, as the grief comes back, and he understands all the things he’s missed. Family.

Her nimble fingers are on his back as she draws against it, and it crumbles everything Kai has been trying to hold within him. The touch is light, would be considered even imaginary, had he not felt her familiar body next to him, waiting for him to let down his guard. His body recognises the touch, foregoes the need to hide behind a facade, as he leans into her, tears trickling down his face.

He’s wrapped in her embrace now, face hidden in the crook of his neck, as he tries to tell her, but the words are swallowed with all the sobs stuck in his throat.

“Easy, boy,” she murmurs, and he remembers how she’s always been here, his father’s death, the coronation, all the moments that Kai wasn’t strong enough to undergo without her presence, and he’s thankful that out of all the people Torin chose her.

“Selene wants to divorce,” he gasps at last, and he notices how she flinches against him, the way her hands stiffen from the news, until she’s pulled back, looking at him, “-You’re kidding.”

He shakes his head, eyes still laden with moisture, as he jokes, “Won’t play so dirty to get you here, Nyla.”

“She loves you,” she states, forgetting that she’s supposed to be the support to him, and not the other way around, but Kai can recognise her disbelief, as he speaks, “So she says, and then sends the paper.”

“She sent the papers?” She asks, her neck turned so fast in his direction, that he wonders if she’d sprain it.

Kai can only nod and look at the way she sighs, painfully loud, as her body falls against the material, adjacent to Kai, “You need to talk to her.”

“She has put her signature on it, Nyla.”

“Oh, Kai,” she sobs, pulling him into her, and now they’re both a mess, “I’m gonna call her and tell her how foolish this is. She will hear me, and I’m going to call her names for hurting you so much.”

“Don’t pity me, Nyla. It’s all done.”

“You can’t let her go, Kai,” she fights.

“I can’t hold her either,” he whispers.

She doesn’t say anything after that, but her presence is enough, as he lets her hold him. The problem not yet gone anywhere, but there is someone else to share it with.

—

The papers arrived in a cream envelope, marked with the letterhead of M. Gogte Legals.

She knew what was in the pretty envelope; she had requested it at his own liberty. Their last phone call was very fresh in her mind.

She had anticipated some revolt from him for days after she’d dispatched the paperwork. The way her phone had rang through the 15 minutes, she was stuck inside the bathroom, watching the two lines.

He’d been at the line non-stop until it was transferred to Lee, who was patient, calm and everything the two of them were not.

And when she had finally walked out of the door, crass clear in Kai’s voice as she had whispered his name, hoping that it would convey all the things she’d wanted to mean. However, his anger was much greater and rightfully placed than her recent discovery. Without meaning, she’d fueled it further, until the only sound was the crashing of the telephone.

She had fainted after and woken up to find Winter and Jacin towering above her, looking more disappointed than concerned. She’d dusted off their concern, blamed it on stress, and had gone about her day with no change.

The silence that had followed that phone call was much louder than anything in their marriage, and she’s not taken that into consideration.

Nothing could have prepared her for the absence of a person who had been millions of kilometres away, but still present in small ways that mattered. Now it was all gone, and the only person to blame for it was her.

Selene stared at the envelope for a long time, like it might burst into flame or disappear if she blinked hard enough. It didn’t.

Instead, it lay on her desk like a monument to everything she couldn’t hold together.

It lay on her desk for days; she didn't open it. Wishing that her secretary, Lee, would throw it away, or that it could be misplaced in the large pile of files and papers that kept coming to her desk.

It stayed there, and Selene needed to face it. Alone, like fate would have it.

—

Kai had accepted his predicament. However, in his own turmoil, he’d forgotten to realise that the world still knew Selene as his wife.

He could sense the tension in the room, building up as they waited for the Lunar Queen. It didn't help that they had gathered to discuss the fate of Lunar Sickness and its implications with bio-electric manipulation as provided by the Garan's device, something that would remove the gait of over-powerment that Luna always held above them.

"I apologise for my wife's delay," he said, soothing the wrinkle between his brows, praying Selene to miraculously appear on the screen, which had been still for the last 15 minutes, "-let's reschedule to some other time this week, we wouldn't want to make a decision-"

"Stars, please fucking shut-"

They all heard the rickety timbre of Selene's voice, the tone sharp, like she'd been yelling at someone, quick to shut off her camera and audio, so Kai didn't catch her glance, but he knew that she'd probably refrained from throwing the port out of humiliation.

"Fashionably late and dramatic," Kai heard someone scowl, wishing Selene hadn't caught on. He didn't ponder, as Selene started speaking, "I'm sorry, it's quite late, and even though I managed to join, I don't think I would be able to be present. I humbly request a rescheduling at another time. I'd ask Lee to consider your availability. My deepest apologies for the inconvenience."

Having said her bit, she left, which was surprising, and for one, Kai could agree with President Vargas's prior exclamation.

In her absence, they all stared at him, expecting an answer. A smooth lie rolled off his lips as he made an excuse to leave swiftly. Kai wondered what the hassle had been all about, owing to old habits, as he had a text typed halfway, until he realised that he wasn’t allowed to do this.

The difference was a first, upon him sending the marriage, and it was evident to him that he would either be coming as a different person out of this, or worse, crazy.

No matter what, Selene would always be present, like some big elephant, as the audience would require him to acknowledge her, and it would be awfully painful to act like she didn’t matter anymore.

—

She hears about the attack 7 hours after it happened. The Earth must already be abuzz with all the theories of how much she hates him.

“Lee,” she asks, voice sharp, “Why wasn’t I told?”

“Ma’am, you had mentioned not to speak about His Majesty.”

She furrows her brows as she tries to maintain her calm, avoiding yelling at her secretary, “That definitely didn’t include an attack on him.”

“Selene, you don’t have to be so dramatic,” Shyla, her childhood best friend, says, “Somebody shot him; it happens to all leaders.”

“What doesn’t happen is me being told at a random shop that my husband might have been dead,” Selene hisses, disturbed at the images she’d found. Three bullets had been fired, according to the media, one of them had grazed his torso.

“He won’t be your husband for long.”

“Shyla,” she hisses, eyes cold, “you won’t be my best friend if you complete that sentence.”

“My point is Torin covered for you,” she drawls, and Selene hates the tone, mocking yet honest, “Like the document outlined. Nobody would know that you didn’t know until now.”

“- about that,” Lee speaks, looking more flustered than before, which was a sign that something was being kept from her,” They want a video of you.”

Selene stares, looking at the script that was just handed to her. Shyla is about to laugh off, from behind her, as he reads the gist of it, “- it seems you have to hold the end of your bargain, Your Majesty.”

“Don’t,” she warns.

“I’d be a bad friend if I said you don’t deserve it,” Shyla says as she leaves, the words reverberating in her awake.

“They want you to be dressed in Commonwealth colours,” Lee informs, pointing towards the script, and she wants to yell at him for being such an uncaring ass, when he knows everything.

“When did they want this?”

“-an hour ago,” he clarifies, piling on to the guilt that had been paramount.

She nods, changing into the clothes that seem appropriate for the setting, and reads the words, her shoulders sunken slightly, giving away all the dread she’s been feeling.

It is hours later that she realises she never asked whether Kai was well. The message did convey the same, but she hadn’t asked explicitly.

Selene thinks against calling Kai; it would not do him any good, she knows. She messages Torin instead.

Please take care of him.

There's no response for days. As Shayla had said, she did deserve it.

—

“Kai,” he heard the familiar sound of her, as she stood at the door, dressed in a silk robe that highlighted her pale skin.

He hums in reply, mind hazy from the way the dress hugged her, and the overworked hour he found himself in, “-come to bed.”

“10 minutes, I have like 2 documents to sign—” he argues, but she’s quick to counter him, “—you said that an hour ago.”

Sighing, he looks at her, breathtakingly beautiful, with her hair messy from sleep, eyes lidded with the urge to be back into the warm duvet, and feels lucky to have her here. With him.

“Very well,” he says, rising from the table, as he walks towards her. However, she seems to go farther away, as his feet push one before the other. He rubs the sleep from his eyes, tells her that this is not funny, but she stares back, unaware of the distance that he’s unable to cross. Eyes looking at him patiently, until he grows frustrated and screams, asking her to walk to him.

She smiles, something that doesn’t reach her eyes, and steps behind, all signs of sleep vanished from her face and asks, “Will we know in the future that we still love each other?”

He stares, questioning why she’s being so cryptic, tries to reach for her, but she’s still far away, yet so close that it makes him lose his sanity, “Selene, is this your power?”

She shakes her head and continues, “Or will it be the distance that drove us apart, again?”

He’s grabbing at her now, but it feels like he’s rooted to the floor, not moving an inch, furiously trying to break free from whatever hold he had. Selene, however, is moving, reaching for her things from his room, as she packs for something unknown.

He’s demanding that she look at him, say something, but her back remains to her, as she continues to do the needful, all while Kai cries for her to speak with him. She glances back only when she’s satisfied that her bag is packed, sitting on the suitcase, knees drawn to her chest, giving him the full attention, and it angers him, as he asks, “What now? I give you one last hug before you leave my life and go to the moon again? Some goodbye, Selene?”

She doesn’t reply, instead staring at him, her body going paler under the dim light, until it’s no longer there, but before that, she whispers, “I will always keep loving you.”

He wakes up from the dream, tremors chilling him to the core, heart racing as he tries to get away with the image of his wife disappearing, slowly. Metaphorically.

Those last words of hers, similar to the day she’d actually left, haunted him, coming back in daydreams and nightmares, but never through her. He wondered if they would ever be said to him.

__

They had been invited to the Consortium. Together.

They had arrived separately, aware of the shift that had occurred between them, and tried their best not to let it affect the media images, standing painfully awkard with each other, as the tension between them became apparent to anyone who as much as looked in their direction.

"Your Majesty," Torin acknowledged as he bowed, and she had to stop herself from chiding him.

"Torin, I thought all the time being family would get you to call me Selene after all," she pointed out, and he had the courtesy to look somewhat embarrassed.

"It's a shame to call us family and disregard it entirely," he said, voice laced with more sorrow than venom. She smiled naively, thinking of the hours she spent pushing at her court, as they called her marriage meaningless.

Family seemed like a silly concept to call whatever she had now.

She had a cream envelope lying on her desk, waiting for her signature. She also had a stick with two red lines stashed in her bathroom dustbin.

"-Are you alright, Madame Queen?"

"Uh, yes, just lost in thought," She whispered, intending to throw in some joke, only to notice Kai staring intensely at her. It took all the power of the stars shining to stop her from kissing him, or worse, telling him the truth. She wondered which would have been worse. But truth be told, she thought that one of the two could have saved her marriage.

He had called her that, the same name that he had called her exactly 3 weeks ago, when the papers had reached him.

"Lost again?" He asks, a sad frown on his face, and if she didn't know better, she would have thought he was mocking her.

She remembered times when he had her tongue-tied, not lost, definitely not at the thought of family.

"Got a lot on my mind," she spoke, wishing he would ask her about it.

He didn't, he couldn’t even if he’d wanted to, the paperwork had pointed detachment, outside of looking the part of an interplanetary couple until the news is public knowledge.

"Your Majesty, the plane is waiting for you," Lee says, as he bows to Kai, not quite meeting anyone’s gaze.

Selene nods, but remains unmoved, and understands that maybe this could be the last time she meets Kai before the news goes public, and it does things to her she can’t describe in words.

He’s already staring back at her when she turns towards him, and against her better judgment, she whispers his name, and he calls her.

Sili.

The change in her hormones makes her eyes flash with wetness, as she sniffs, and realises the weight of the gaze that doesn’t belong in this room.

“Do I get a good luck kiss? One last time?”

He watches, making her vulnerable, and she hates herself for the secrets she’s keeping. It’s as if he’s giving her time to come clean, but then the moment breaks, as he leans closer, and she’s unsure if he would actually kiss her.

His cologne wraps her, and something that had given her a sense of calm for more than a decade is now fleeing déjà vu. His lips press against her cheek, the contact enough to elicit a small gasp from her, as she shuts her eyes at the sensation.

“Fly safe,” he whispers against her ear, one hand on her arm, before drawing away, and she wants to chase that contact.

She looks over at Torin, a goodbye on her tongue, but at the sore sight of Kai's advisor and her long-time parental figure, looking puzzled yet worried between the two, she hugs him, finding his worn arms tightly bound around her.

"You don’t have to do this," he mumbles in the embrace, and more than once, Selene realises how much more than Kai, she's going to lose with this marriage.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” she admits, biting her lower lip, as she hides in the crook of Torin’s neck, his hands on her back, as he replies, “-yet you did it.”

When she unwraps herself from the safe presence of the man, Kai is no longer looking at her, his ruffled black head moving as he speaks with one of the Italian delegate. She crosses the threshold with Lee following shortly behind, holding back a sob, as her fingers press deeper into her lower stomach.

What she wouldn’t know is how his eyes followed her till she was a tiny speck in the sky.

-

fin

Well, he would have to thank his Ma for having made such a wonderful menu. Cinder’s favourite, to be exact. Speaking of his wife, she’d already be at the dinner table, so he thought it was futile to walk to their bedroom. But taking one glance at his white, wrinkled shirt that he’d worn from one meeting to another, he chose to change into something more comfortable.

“Ugh,” he heard a loud groan coming from the bed, scaring the shit outta him.

“Damn, Cinder. You’d give a man a heart attack,” Kai chuckles as he pulls the tie around his neck loose.

“Like I care,” she mumbled, and Kai didn’t pay heed, as he searched for the black slacks that he remembered throwing in some corner this morning.

“What’s wrong?” Kai asked as he walked through the bedroom, expecting Cinder to be eager to walk out of the room. Instead, she was sprawled on the bed, still in her work clothes, hair resembling a bird’s nest.

“Life,” Cinder scoffed, and had the circumstances been calmer, Kai would have joined in on the remark. He chose to overlook it, shifting in the bed, as he leaned near his wife, “Cindy, what happened?”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“Too bad, because we’re not leaving until you talk, and it’s your favourite dinner.”

“Don’t wanna eat,” she grumbles again, hiding her face deeper into the forts of pillow she’s made for herself, and that’s enough sign for Kai to know it’s been a bad day. Probably one of those, where someone questions her authority due to her special gifts. Kai has grown tired of people calling his wife names, but Cinder is too independent to let him stop it.

“Fine, I’d be back in an hour. You’d probably feel better by then,” Kai says, pushing himself off the bed, as he walks away. Putting his port for charging, as he takes out slippers from the rack, expecting Cinder to be at his throat at any moment.

“Are you leaving me alone, Kai?” Cinder asks, now sitting upright, shocked at his words.

“Didn’t you want that, babe?” Kai calls from the other room, looking for the calming hair oils Cinder uses, but thinking better of it, he picks a few-

“What’s wrong with you?” She says, irritation clear in her voice, and if he’s not before her in the next minute, she’d be madder at him than all the other people she was mad over in the last hour or so.

“You wouldn’t talk with me,” Kai points out.

“You didn’t try hard enough for that. Have fun eating your dinner!” She yelled and pulled the duvet above her as he walked back into the room. He smiled at her antics. It was always fun to get her riled up.

“Very well,” he whispers, pulling off the covers, and getting her to turn around, “-what are you doing?”

“Trying harder,” Kai says, kissing her forehead, and then the left cheek, and right cheek. He’s about to capture her lips when she swats him away, “-I’m angry, remember?”

“All I see is you being a baby,” He chuckles, and then captures her lips, and she doesn’t argue, sighing in the embrace instead, her fingers pulling at his roots, as she pulls Kai closer. And when they both break the kiss, in search of air, she hides in the crook of his neck.

Kai doesn’t push for a conversation; Cinder’s a talker. She ends up sharing her worries later rather than sooner; he needs to wait it out. So he finds himself drawing oil from the bottles he’s carried into bed.

“I’m gonna move you a lil, ok?” Kai tells her, and, getting no rebuttal, he shifts position, so she’s sitting before him, her knees pulled to her chest, her chin resting on its crown. Kai notices how small she looks, in rumpled sheets and brown hair that’s tangled in knots that will take hours to straighten. Her pink polo shirt from the morning is no longer tucked into white dress pants, which are surprisingly not stained with grease.

“Kai, you’re staring.”

“Oh, sorry,” he mutters, a little embarrassed, 4 years into marriage, and he still somehow gets enraptured with her in the smallest of moments. Thorne gifted him a tee that read “Cinder’s Lovesick Boy” as a joke, but he ended up cherishing it more than the actual gift Cress and Thorne had bought for his birthday.

He feels her nudge him out of his train of thought, and this time, he is sheepish, sitting on folded knees, he finds himself overlooking Cinder. Her brown hair resembled a nest from this angle, and he huffs at the challenge, oiling his hair to ensure minimal damage. Partitioning the hair into two parts, his nimble fingers untangle knots, one at a time.

There are no words exchanged between the two, just his focus on getting her hair tidied up, while she seems to enjoy the caress. From the way her head is loosely hanging on the edge, Kai’s convinced Cinder’s napping; he wouldn’t have minded if they both hadn’t missed out on dinner. However, he lets her rest, at least until her hair’s sorted out.

“You know, I wonder if you were a hair spa worker in some lifetime,” Cinder murmured, oozing a chuckle from him.

“You’re the only customer in this lifetime,” he replies cheekily, a quick kiss on the edge of a forehead.

“Very poor business execution.”

“I don’t need the money-”

“Way to go, Emperor! So humble of you,” she mocks, twisting to face him.

“We earn the same amount, my darling Empress,” he teases, fingers drawing against the curve of her jaw, while he gazes into her eyes, and he’d almost captured her lips-

“Ouch, what was that for?” He calls, nursing the not-so-light punch Cinder landed on him.

“You played with me-”

“When did I do that?”

“-Oh, you did, Kai. ‘I’m going to have dinner, you’d probably feel better in some time.’ Who was that?” Cinder parrots, launching herself on him, and he dramatically falls, puffing as if she weighed a ton.

“That did get you talking, didn’t it?” He replies, cheekily, and seeing how she’s wriggling her hair in all directions, goes, “-stop messing your hair anymore, I just worked hard to untangle it.”

Cinder wakes up as he pushes himself on his knees, only for her to come back with, “Are you gonna give me a shit for how messed up my hair is?”

“They’re your hair, and it’s not messed up anymore. I untangled them. If you sit still, I can braid them for you,” Kai offers. She’s sitting within a minute, making him smile, as he partitions the hair in 3 parts, swiftly making crosses.

“Have they made Spicy Prawns today?” She enquires, and Kai holds the laugh inside him, and in his most serious voice says, “I assume, yes.”

Cinder nods, expecting him to say something, but as a troubled partner, he lets her sit in the silence, as he completes the braid, fastening it with a band. One look at the work, before he hums in approval.

“C’mon, dinner is already delayed enough,” he exclaims, pushing himself off the bed. Now that Cinder is more composed, he freshens up, as he had intended to.

Walking back into the suite, he finds her in the same position, “Aren’t you coming?”

“I’m tired,” she sighs.

“It’s dinner—”

“— I know, but it’s been a stressful day,” she admits.

“I can ask for dinner to be served in our room,” he suggests, but she’s quick to refute it, “- I don’t like the smell of prawns in our room.”

“Cindy, you can’t just skip dinner,” Kai tried again, moving beside her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, head lulled in the crook of his neck, as his hands wrap her, “Should I give you a ride to dinner?”

“Will you?”

The quiet tone of her voice is enough indication of why she’s tried. He doesn’t verbally affirm her; instead, his arm is already under her knees, another on the back, as he walks out of the room.

She’s silent the entire way, face angled towards his torso, so she won’t have to make eye contact with anyone. Kai can feel the way her body is a tiny bit flushed, notices that someone is walking their way, and smirks.

“Your Majesty,” the assistant says, “I have shared the files with you,” his eyes staring intensely at Kai, as if not wanting to look anywhere else.

“Very well. Aren’t you going home?” He asks, and knows Cinder’s eyes close in realisation, without having to see it.

“Yes, sir, I was about to leave. I have a game night planned,” he informs, sheepishly.

“Have fun, Alan. Pray you win all the games tonight,” Kai wishes, and shifts Cinder a bit, enough to give her the attention she’s trying so hard not to have on her, “I won’t keep my wife waiting, we’re on our way to dinner.”

“Good night, Your Majesty,” Alan greets, and there’s a pause, not remarkable but obvious, before Cinder replies, “Good night, Alan. Wish you luck!”

Without even looking up from her cosy position, or opening her eyes for that matter. Kai knows she’s truly mortified right now.

“You did that on purpose,” she accuses, once they enter the elevator, eyes wanting to meet his. As a good husband, Kai stares at the door, no care in the world of her sharp glare.

Ding

“You should put me down,” she demands, as they reach their floor, knowing there will be more people on it.

“You were tired.”

“I can walk”

“I know,” Kai mentions, as he crosses the distance, smiling politely at all the servers, who have no regard for this affectionate exchange, for it’s the most normal of Tuesdays for them.

“Kai, this is -”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed over. All of them know I love you,” he challenges. That does shut her up, which is enough for now. He forgoes the table for the small couch they had brought in for casual dinners, where there weren’t people to host, but just Cinder and him, too tired after a busy day to sit on stiff chairs. Proping himself such that she sits close, feet tucked to the side, so that they’re leaning sideways.

“You know, they don’t even stare at us anymore,” he points out, once the food is served. Cinder, having chosen to ignore him, digs into her plate.

“That’s good, I hated how they stalked us every time I came to visit you as the Queen,” she says at last.

“They didn’t stalk us, it was all you, madam—”

“Why would they stalk me?”

“Your ignorance amazes me,” Kai chuckles, “You were the revolutionary, remember, everyone wanted to see the girl that killed Levana.”

“They saw me in rallies and speeches-”

“True, but it’s different to see someone in a professional capacity, and find the said person doing something domestic. They didn’t want to see the Queen; they wanted to see you.”

“That’s very profound. Do you ever stop being the philosopher?” She retorts, cutlery pointing in his direction, as she pauses her slicing.

“Do you want me to?” He questions, wiggling his eyebrow, in some boyish charm, his 15-year-old self had learned, and forgotten to let go.

“No,” she replies, “I love my thot husband.”

And now it’s Kai’s turn to be flushed, colour travelling to his eartips, and in the way he sees the maids giggle among each other, he knows they still stalk them. The rest of the dinner is all about the day’s mishap, sharing little jokes that happened throughout the week, and everything about policy making and wanting to crash in bed, and retorts their sass self can’t help but make.

“Madam,” Hina, their new baker, says, “Cheesecake, like you’d wanted.”

“Cake for what?” Cinder asks him once she knows Hina is appreciated for her work.

“Does there have to be any reason to eat cake?” Kai replies, shrugging his shoulders.

“Not really, but I just thought—”

“Well, if you do want one, we’re celebrating how fabulous my wife is.” He’s smiling abashedly at her now, and the way she’s flushed enough not to meet his eyes is enough for Kai to take matters into his own hands.

“Open your mouth, we gotta finish this, and go back,” he orders, spoon ready at her lips for her, but she’s had enough of his toying, as she counters, “Why, eager to get me in your bed are you, Emperor?”

“Indeed,” he admits, a smirk tugging his features, as Cinder eats from the spoon.

“— I know they’re staring now.”

“Let them, we gotta focus on the cake,” as he takes a bite himself, “— damn, this is crazy, we need to have them make it every day.”

Cinder laughs, sprawling on the couch, as she lies against Kai now, her earlier embarrassment of being watched entirely gone.

“Thank you,” she whispers, before he feeds her. To an outsider, it would look like she’s thanking him for the cake, but Kai’s known her for 8 years. It’s about making her feel seen, especially among the staff who always end up talking more than they ought to.

“Next time, just say it,” he says, and she nods, raising herself to capture his lips, and they taste of blueberries, chapped lips, and whatever sickening taste love has.

“Kai,” she murmurs against his lips, and he hums her to continue, foreheads touching, “- carry me back to the room too.”

Smiling against her lips, he whispers, “I will,” before closing the gap, as he kisses her to heart’s contentment.

----