Too Many Fandoms

HIbari gets knocked out by the 10 year bazooka and wakes up in a new and unfamiliar location. Hibari blinks but he's not surprised by the situation. He takes stock of his surroundings - the air is sterile like a hospital or the walls are smooth grey metal sheets with no signs of wear or dents. He can see rain slapping against the walls but not much else through the hazy fog covering up whatever this building was. The hallway is long with no doors in sight, but that's not a problem.

Hibari tightens his grip over his tonfas, gearing up to make a door by force, but he stops when he hears steady footsteps coming down the hallway.

-

And that's how far I got before I got bored of writing out this drabble so enjoy the spark notes instead:

Hibari just finished his meeting with mafia boss Tsuna and is just hours away from boarding his flight back to Japan. Of course he has to run into a fight with the other guardians in the mansion and ends up getting knocked out by the bazooka.

(He's proud of Lambo's aim though. Lambo is growing up to be quite the carnivore, able to launch a sneak attack against Hibari.)

Anyways, Hibari finds himself in an unfamiliar location and he's greeted by strangers who have been expecting the future version of him. He's called "Jedi" and assumes that's his code name or a new title that the underworld bestowed on him. No problem.

The strangers tell him that his order is ready for pick up - also not a problem. Hibari is annoyed but he's used to Tsuna using his trips between Italy and Japan to bring gifts to Japan and receive presents from his mom (and delicate goods that need Hibari's personal escort). He assumes this is the same thing. Hibari is a little surprised to see just how many people he needs to escort, but... that's just a sign of how much future him has expanded Namimori Disciplinary Committee that he has just that many recruits.

The weirdos in lab coats tell him that these clone troopers are ready for war - war like the 10 year future war? But since the big bad was defeated and future him and his committee is so big... it's probably a conquest war for Vongola. Hibari smirks. And when he finds that he's not switching places with future him back to his present, he figuratively rolls up his sleeves and is ready to fight himself. His current opponents were getting boring anyways.

Anyways, this is a story of Hibari getting the wrong message, takes all the clone troopers with him and sets out to conquer a shitload of planets for Vongola. He's thankful that he doesn't have to deal with Tsuna's whimpering commands so he doesn't think much about the radio silence with Vongola.

I don't think I've found a fic in which Obi-Wan - crazy Ben of the desert sands - ends up time traveling and lands to the period in which he's just gotten rescued from where he was being tortured by Ventress along with Alpha-17.

Obi-Wan, who believes he's just hallucinated high off of alcohol and drugs and he didn't time travel, is then understood by the the Jedi Temple and healers to have had a mental breakdown due to all the torture he just went through. He's cracked and no one is surprised by all the weird shit coming from his mouth.

But it would be interesting to see how it impacts the war. Of how the temples think he's seen visions - and they keep happening - but Obi-Wan's questionable mental state means that he can't separate what's actually going on with visions. (As evidenced by Obi-Wan constantly going to maniac episodes whenever he sees Anakin.) Or if all the torture resulted in Obi-Wan's talents in the Unifying and Cosmic Forces to have grown.

The Jedi Order wants to dismiss Obi-Wan's rambling as that of a madman, but they can't. Obi-Wan may be verbalizing that he thinks he's being tortured in a vision by the Sith Master, but the words that Obi-Wan is saying...

Well, the Jedi Order now knows who's the Sith Master and what his plans are.

So we have Shen Yuan X Harem, but what about Shen Jiu X Harem?

Qing Jing is the peak of scholars. Scholars love beauty and they can see beauty in everything. From the bamboo forest to the sunrise above lonely mountain peaks, they can write sonnets describing the beauty in nature, music, people, and basically anything.

They love beauty.

Shen Jiu is a beauty.

Therefore Qing Jing loves Shen Jiu for his face.

Much to his surprise, Shen Jiu finds himself welcomed to the Qing Jing peak despite being much-older-than-the-usual-new-disciple. His shixiong and shijie are patient and always happy to help him. No one teases him in a mean way. His shixiongs act like the proper gentlemen described in historical books about legendary scholars - or doting love interests written about in his shijie's romance novels.

After Anakin Falls and becomes Darth Vadar, Obiwan runs away with the twins.

So, what's a twist I haven't seen yet? Housewife!Obiwan after the fall of the Jedi Order.

Or more specifically, Obiwan returns to his birthplace, Stewjon, where he blends in with the rest of the population of red hair and the common last name of Obi-wan.

Fandom likes to claim that Stewjon is a very insular planet as Stewjoni are very appealing to slavers. So, Obiwan can return to his planet claiming to be a former slave (true considering how he was enslaves in the sea mines) and allow people to assume that the twins are his from a... questionable relationship.

Yes, they think the twins are the product of rape with how unwilling Obiwan is when talking about how they were conceived and the missing parent. Rape + former slave = ex sex slave.

And thus Obiwan gets a warm welcome back with people pitying him and willing to give him more aid.

Perhaps when traveling to meet up with Bail, Obiwan runs into another Stewjoni who misunderstands Obiwan to be a runaway slave (with how secretive and scared about pursuers Obiwan was) and was very aggressively nice, personally escorting Obiwan to Stewjon. Obiwan couldn't afford to make a fuss or risk catching public attention, so yeah.

AKA single parent Obiwan raising two twins together.

Another Solo Leveling and Star Wars crossover because why not?

In which Jinwoo stumbles upon Kamino before Obiwan does. Jinwoo gets mistaken to be a Jedi. Jinwoo, assuming it's just the local language for "Hunter" or "Mage" or whatever, nods.

Jinwoo has no clue why he landed there; he thinks it's Ashborn or Architect that sent him there for a Reason. And then, from Kaminoan's words, Jinwoo hears that all the people he see in the facility was to be an army, a clone army, commissioned by a Jedi for Jedi to lead a war...

And Jinwoo is a Jedi.

And Jinwoo knows that there's a war between Monarchs and Rulers and that he was sent to Kamino by Ashborn...

Aka Ashborn (or the Architect) had commissioned for this army - that the shadow summons were insufficient - meaning that this was to be Jinwoo's army.

But if you think about it, it somewhat makes sense. The clones, Jinwoo realizes, are trained in military strategy. Jinwoo is severely lacking in shadow summons with such sentience much less such strategic minds.

Jinwoo also has far more shadow summons than there are clones. So the clones aren't actually to add more bodies to his army; they are to provide an intangible benefit - such as advising, commanding, and strategizing.

After his whole panic attack about how to feed, cloth, and shelter so many clones, Jinwoo takes the army. (He doesn't realize that he's stolen it because, well, he thought it was for him.)

Each clone finds themselves in command of a few shadow summons.

Jinwoo, who already is concerned about how his shadow summons have their behaviors warped with shadow extraction, has the behavior chips removed ASAP.

The Jedi never finds the clones and Palpatine does not have a good time seeing all his investments of time, money, and planning suddenly go up in smoke. (But of course Palpatine has backup plans.)

Jinwoo doesn't know who the fuck these hunters are, but assumes they are from some other country.

The clones simply think it's Jedi talking to their Jedi; and yes, Jinwoo is the best Jedi in their eyes.

As for the Jedi, they ran into Jinwoo and the clones in Outer Rim, see Jinwoo helping the clones, teaching and feeding them, and assume Jinwoo is either a Jedi on a humanitarian aid mission or is a Jedi Watchman stationed in the Outer Rim. And in either of those situations, Jinwoo would wear whatever would not loudly proclaim that he's a Jedi (or that he wore out his Jedi robes).

I just really really want Obi-Wan the Negotiator have to deal with a bitchy Shen Qingqiu - the OG Shen Jiu of course - and then watch Shen Qingqiu utterly destroy the Senate with his words.

I dunno if I want UST and a crush the size of a moon on Obi-Wan's part, but it does amuse me to see the Jedi Order is in a disarray upon finding a planet of force-sensitives - they call their force users cultivators or demons depending on their species wtf! - as well as the lack of... emotional restraint on either side.

Oh, would the Jedi Order see demons as Siths then? Oh boy, that's going to be fun fun fun. And then when they meet Liu Binghe - either the Liu Bingge or Liu Bingmei will be super fun.

And thus there’s the incorrect assumption and stereotype that the residents are sluts and down to fuck all the time. Add in Shen Joy’s beauty and Yue Qingyuan is ready to Slaughter The Republic.

The Siths are also sending in numerous hook up texts to Shen Jiu. Yue Qingyuan is now just as dedicated as the Jedi Order in revealing the sith master who wants to dishonor Shen Jiu Like That.

Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.

So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.

But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.

It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?

So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:

Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.

And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.

So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".

So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.

My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.

Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.

Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.

Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).

Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues

According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.

Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.

For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.

Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life

Aaand a close-up:

HEY HI HELLO THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE

BUT

like, he’s entitled to sick leave, he really ought to take a couple months to break the curse and come to terms with whatever the fuck just happened to him, but instead of embarking on a journey of self-discovery and healing he just keeps showing up to work. no one can get captain maximus to go on his fucking voyage of self actualization and fix the curse because he’s obsessed with catching flinn ryder. everyone really fucking hopes that when he finally catches this guy the curse might be broken anyway, but it isn’t.

he just keeps showing up to work. he glares at the stablehands until they saddle him up. everyone’s gone over the regulations a dozen times but there’s nothing there saying you’re not allowed to saddle and ride the captain of the guard if he makes you do it. his former second in command rides him around like ‘sir i really don’t know about this’ and he’s just like ‘are we going to catch some criminals or what.’

you can see in the movie that everyone in the royal guard defers to this horse. it’s absolutely because that’s their boss. and secondarily because now he’s two thousand pounds of percheron.

Bruce, sitting with his arms crossed on Damian's bed: where were you?

Damian: um with dick?

Dick, spinning around in a desk chair: try again.

Damain: Jason! I was with Jason!

Jason, tumbling out the wardrobe: right.

Damian: okay, you got me, I was with tim

Tim, crawling out from under the bed: bullshit, you don't rate me like that.

Damian: what the fuck. Duke?

Duke, spawning from the shadows:

Damian: oh ffs. I was with Cass.

Cass dropping down from the vents: 🤨

Damian:

Damian: I was with mother.

Talia, also crawling in from the window: hello, son. Where were you-

Talia: why are there so many people in your room?

Damian:

Damian: whys this happening to me

Steph, jumping out from under Bruce's cape: youngest sibling problems. Can't relate.

Bruce: where were you actually? And don't lie this time.

---

In Smallville:

Jon, crawling in through the window: crap

Both families have an unspoken fear.

That due to kryptonian biology one of the boys will get pregnant.

Everyone is afraid it will happen but no one will admit it, even to each other.

And I want to emphasize this point, this rebuttal of Sauron's divide and conquer tactics: The Fellowship gets weakened. It suffers losses. It becomes scattered across the larger battlefield. But its members remain true to each other, and to their shared mission, even when they find themselves parting ways to accomplish it. At the end of the first film, Aragorn tells Frodo, “I would have gone with you to the end. To the very fires of Mordor.” And where is Aragorn, at the end of the last film?? The gates of Mordor, with the remaining members of the Fellowship (and some new friends, too), exactly where Frodo needs them to be at that moment. No one expects to survive, no one can guarantee victory, and no one but the audience sees the tiny bud on the Tree of Gondor, hope blooming in response to faithfulness even while the sky remains overcast and the city lies in ruins around it.

To repeat my previous tags: #I've said this before and I'll say it again #the devil WANTS you to feel overwhelmed and already defeated and like the small acts of everyday love and faithfulness aren't enough #but in fact each one is chipping another stone out of the foundation of his dark tower #and from your vantage point you may not see the people chipping stones on the other side (but they are there!) #you don't need an extensive understanding of architecture to bring it down #just the willing hands of a hobbit