today is my childhood summertime best friend's birthday and every song is making me think of her

My gooseberry jelly came out really well this week. I do not like the person I become when I really succeed at making something or pleasing someone because now I have the urge to give everyone I know a jar lol

wow i was so angry today. a little less now because it rained and i got around to sending this one email but wow. and circling it back to someone else will not help because when it comes down to it i just should have said no and bye. which i would have done if i had seen what was coming next and i should have. i don't know how though... the ironic thing is just yesterday i was told about this person and how she will only act out of self-interest and say it to your face, and we weren't even in contact directly, it just happened. and i'm really angry at myself. anyway i've already complained to the two people who understand perfectly and i can allow myself to steam in it only for so long

Is there a way to tell someone Hey, every time I meet someone who resembles you, I start thinking about the probability of this stranger being the love of my life, and this isn't something new, either. But you honestly might be the most beautiful person I'll ever lay my eyes on. There are white hairs on your head and your face already, you can only see them from up close. Your face seems so dark and stern from afar, and so gentle, like a spotless sky, when you really look at it, when you smile. I'd do anything you asked me to, only I don't think that you would. I know you well enough for you to be one of the people to measure my actions by. I like to live so close and to be able to walk into your home whenever I want and feel welcome, to pet your dog. To look at your smile and to feel it when I'm not looking. If there was a way for me to know that after this I may linger in your mind for a little longer than I ought to, I'd probably feel capable of anything. There isn't, but I'll readily stop at wishing to just stay this way forever. The only things I want are to see you more and to think of you less, but not make me think of anyone else.