Okayyyyy I have another poll for you all. I'm in deep with homebrewing and worldbuilding so which would you rather see for a solo selfship DND game from yours truly?
Live Stream Solo DND or Pre-Recorded Solo DND?
Live Stream (w/ edited VOD for you to watch later in case you miss it!)
Pre-Recorded
A mixture of both! (Live stream special episodes? idk comment your thoughts!)
Henry TheTrophyHusband-only button
Voting ended onOct 23, 2025
There will probably be multiple parts to this DND game, so keep that in mind if you vote!
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I would just like to say, as people in the notes are pointing out, that the blood is the wolf's. The dog is wearing a spiked collar to protect their neck from the attacks.
yall cannot understand estimate the absolute tenderness of these dogs. that's why they're fierce, their bonds to their flocks and shepherds come from a 6000 year long pastoral legacy. I truly did not understand their level of intelligence til i brought two home.
they count and remember their flock members, they have favorites and carry grudges.
that head boop is one my livestock guardians give me everyday when they need comfort, that sheep is that dog's close friend.
from the website:
I remember that summer night in 2023 when I first watched Barbie. I wasn’t expecting much—but when Gloria (played by America Ferrera) said, “It’s literally impossible to be a woman,” lightning cracked through my chest. That line—and the film’s layered critique—never left my body. I kept telling myself: Formline Barbie needs to exist.
But it wasn’t until the recent presidential election that she stepped fully into focus. In this vision, Barbie stands fierce in the wreckage of empire. Behind her, President Snow’s mansion crumbles. Beneath her heel, a bright-orange political figure is crushed. But this isn’t nostalgia. This is rebirth. Her skin is painted in Tlingit formline, a living memory inscribed on plastic. Not as ornament—but as resurgence.
The formline itself mimics the gloss and curvature of Barbie’s iconic plastic body, blurring the line between aesthetic construction and the brutal conditions of embodiment. Her surface becomes a tension field—a commentary on the hypervisibility, threat, and legislated violence that marks women’s bodies.
She’s not simply resisting—she is resistance: beautiful, political, and precise.
It's so, SO important to share success stories like this. I know an actual JPL engineer who doesn't believe in climate change because, "you never hear about acid rain anymore."
He thinks climate change can be lumped in with acid rain and the ozone layer of "things that were overblown and not really important because no one talks about it anymore."
It didn't even occur to him that we actively fixed the problem. Here's the EPA page on acid rainfall.
From the page:
It's also important to talk about success stories tonfuel hope that we can overcome current and future conservation and environmental issues.
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Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how Astarion would handle such new things as tenderness and care.
(Also sorry, since I'm exploring EA, I deleted all my previous playthroughs and can't make new screenshots to illustrate this post; So I'll use old screenshots/gifs + the datamined dialogues)
It’s clear to me that in act 1 and for most of act 2, it’s not part of who he is.
He doesn’t even pretend to care for anyone, except for himself. Yet, there are only a very few instances which indicate that something is moving inside him and that there is a growing sense of concern and eventually affection (for you and your companions). The first that comes to mind is when you refuse to sleep with him the second times he asks.
Or when you learn about Mystra asking Gale to sacrifice himself; Astarion seems to genuinely care, even though he immediately deflates it with irony.
(the last one is from Origin Gale)
Or even in the creche, if you use the zaith'isk.
There are probably a few other instances showing that he begins to care about you and your companions, but he’s still his own prioprity and you can’t really blame him for that; It actually makes a lot of sense, since we all know that no one had ever cared about him before.
Besides when he dared to care about someone else (the sweet boy he tried to save from Cazador, for instance), he was terribly punished for it.
So yes, in Act 1, he doesn’t want to be a hero, and he won't sacrifice himself for others. And he seems to associate being kind and showing sympathy as a form of danger/weakness. His bias make him believe that being kind would probably make him look "too precious", a vulnerability which was mocked/punished by Cazador and probably his siblings (I talked about it at the beginning of this post)
And what’s interesting is that the selfless, uncaring aspects of his personality already coexist with a genuine will to connect with people; He’s not pushing you or your companions away (unless you treat him like shit, of course) – he shows interest in you, in them, but he doesn’t want to get too much involved. Which again, makes perfect sense to me. He's self-centred but he doesn’t want to be alone, he reaches out, but he doesn’t want to get too close either, because
that would be too dangerous (trust issues included)
2. he wants to remain in control of you, of his own feelings
3. he doesn’t really expect anything from anyone.
Astarion doesn’t pretend to be selfless, and he doesn’t pretend to be caring. He’s used to violence and he himself is rough around the edges because of the violent environment in which he’s been evolving for so long. Which can make him difficult to like when you meet him for the first time. He's not gentle. And I like it, it's very good writing, spitting in the face of the 'perfect victim trope'.
Gentleness and tenderness are alien concepts to Astarion. Even if we consider the few gentle target-lovers - like Sebastian - he might have met during those 200 years, I don’t think that would be enough for him to give into gentle love-making.
Dissociation is easier, with mechanical responses to his 'lovers' - be they violent or not, especially since he knew they were doomed anyway. And if most of them were rascals so, better get used to violence and reproduce it to better protect himself.
I can’t imagine the first nights with Astarion in act 1 being particularly tender, and if they were, I’d tend to imagine that Astarion was performing. After all, there’s no cuddle in the morning, he won’t give into that kind of gentleness because he associates it to 'vulnerability', and it makes sense.
I can imagine a few cuddling nights in act 2, but I think it would be quite exceptional, and would never last long if only because Astarion isn’t used to that kind of intimacy and might quickly feel quite uncomfortable with it.
Still, it could happen. And he probably starts to enjoy it at this point. But he needs time. He needs more assurance.
As for support and care, he's capable of it in Act 2 - it shows in the Durge scene for instance, when he explicitly says "you will get through it. I'll be there to make sure you do."
On the other hand, he's still his old harsh self too in Act 2, sometimes cruel, accepting the darkest choices the PC can make.
Also, the way he talks to you if you don’t get the confession scene by the beginning of act 3 is revealing in terms of how harsh he can be even with people he trust(ed).
But with the confession scene, something entirely new and genuinely softer emerges, not just in his words, but also in his body language; the way he holds your hand is most explicit.
But if you choose the hug, it's even clearer.
Obviously, this episode doesn’t instantly change him and turn him into the sweetest partner ever. His kisses are gentle yes, but it's no peak of tenderness. Not only because he’s not ready for being 100% soft and vulnerable, but also because he doesn’t know how to. Tenderness is uncharted territory, and intimacy is way too appalling for him to give into that kind of open fondness (yet).
Things begin to change a little in act 3, but again, it takes time. He's capable of showing care, support and affection. He can be vulnerable with you when you show your trust. He wants to be there for you, to be real with you.
...but that's not the main aspect of his personality. He hasn't completely changed overnight.
After the meeting with Petras and Dal he returns to his old patterns of manipulation and pretended indifference. I says "pretended" because it's easier for him to think he doesn't care - it's coping mechanism. One could even say that he's gaslighting himself into believing that he doesn't give a fuck about his siblings as long as he can ensure his own safety.
Desperate situations call for drastic remedies, right? But is it what he really wants? (I'm not saying that he secretly adore his siblings, but I still believe that he's capable of feeling some empathy for them - he feels 'pity' for them, and it's made clearer later.)
His issues with his siblings is that it reminds too much of who he used to be, and the risks of being like them again:; controlled by Cazador. So he plays indifference and bitterness, to keep all those feelings away.
Likewise, when the spawns attack your camp, he’s distant again – a defence mechanism triggered by the presence of his siblings.
(My two cents on this line here)
And yet, we can already see a few changes in his behaviour after you reached Baldur's Gate; he's much more prompt to openly show genuine concern and support to you, when you consider taking Araj’s potion, for instance.
Or the way he worries about you if you accept Haarlep’s deal:
But that's because it's you. And in spite of this, the selfish and cruel parts of him still exist, because it's his personality and that won't disappear. Funny what he says here of you have low approval by the way:
If you're not close friends, he doesn't actually care, but still warns you. Interesting.
Anyway, if you're his partner, he can explicitly show in public how much he cares about you. And to a lesser extent, he also cares about your companions, especially when he can relate to what happens to them.
The first signs of a growing empathy for others. It's not just about himself anymore.
As for tenderness, it’s also growing little by little. First, through words...
...but probably in gestures too. Of course, this point relies on headcanons because the game doesn’t give us much before the graveyard scene. But I tend to believe that Astarion is progressively learning tenderness (in private settings) throughout the third act. I like to imagine both my Durge and Astarion learning about gentle gestures together; holding hands, a kiss that lasts a little longer than usual, a look that leads to a quiet hug, restinig in each other’s arms, etc.
Just like in Act 2, I don’t think they would cuddle every night. I believe that kind of intimacy would progressively take place in their relationship. But before Cazador’s death, I can’t imagine them being constantly et overly tender together (but that's a headcanon).
Now the graveyard scene marks a shift. Again, he’s not overly sweet or dripping with tenderness during the discussion. He’s tranquil. He’s at peace. He doesn’t need to perform any grand declaration. But the gentle way he takes your hands, the way he tells you he wants you, he loves you.... The gentle lovemaking. All of this seems to indicate a slow shift; he’s still learning, still discovering affection and gentleness, it's a reappropriation of his own intimacy, and he can do it freely now that Cazador is gone.
Baby steps.
Of course, even then, it’s not always easy to express that soft side in public – it’s all so new, there still must be a part of him that feels quite vulnerable about it. So he jokes, it's easier, safer.
And yet, he can do it, he can publicly show his attraction and love for his partner.
And he can even admit how good it feels to love and be loved - but again, he can't help jesting a little, just to look less vulnerable.
It takes time to get used to it, to learn how to enjoy gentleness and care, to learn how to show gentleness and care. It can be terrifying, destabilizing, and confusing. But I want to believe that Astarion and his partner will find their own love language through gestures and words. Maybe there will always be some kind of reserve in public, understandably. But by the epilogue, with that sweet hug, it's clear that he’s comfortable showing genuine affection in public.
And in the epilogue he feels bad for your companions who aren’t as free as you are, even if he doesn’t feel like talking to them.
Likewise, he’s genuinely happy for them and for the both of you if everything turned out well for everyone.
I could mention many other instances from the non-romanced epilogue that show how much Radiant Astarion cares about the companions.
And yet, as he says himself, darkness is part of him, and violence is still part of his life. He has not become an innocent puppy, he can still be cruel and violent, and he enjoys it.
And I tend to believe that Astarion is not the romantic type like Wyll or Gale, and that his demonstration of love and affection remain quite simple, quiet, even more meaningful in their temperance. Radiant Astarion, although capable of gentleness, remains someone who can also be harsh, with sharp remarks, sometimes hiding his vulnerabilities behind blunt irony. He has discarded the mask of the suave and charming lover and allowed himself to be true to his own personality, and I don't think the latter is the romantic, super kind type. I like my radiant Astarion caustic, sly and feral, while still being able to love and be loved by the few persons he trusts.
And that’s what I love about this character! The nuances, the subtleties of his narrative arc and of his personality, the way he learns and discovers himself and the gentle beauty of genuine love and affection without becoming an entirely different person. Even if he learns to care about others, he will still choose his own safety and sanity over others, he will not sacrifice himself. He's not that kind of hero.
But if you tell him how much he means to you, how much you care, he will support you and show his love and trust in you.
Of course, healing isn’t linear. There will be days during which being empathetic and caring and gentle might seem impossible to him. Some days he might be distant, and maybe even harsh. And it’s normal, not just because he’s healing but also because there is something selfish and violent in him. That’s the darkness which is part of him and which he has accepted.
And I think the game manages to show it pretty well in act 3 – this nuanced and ambivalent mindset, between his affection for his partner or his friends, his genuine will to be tender and vulnerable with the person he loves, and the darkness, the violence, which are parts of his temperament.
This ambivalence is precisely why I love him so much. The unpredictability of his reactions, and the fragility of the healing process, but also, mostly, the way Radiant Astarion is at peace with his own ambivalence.
FINALLY a way to portray my eyesight. I'm -3.25 btw I can only see blurry shapes of color. Without contacts on I can't identify my own cat if he's sitting still, much less a face in a crowd.
Considering most people I know have impaired sight, especially those past 40, this is a highly under-utilized element in writing fiction.
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googling shit like "why do i feel bad after hanging out with my friends" and all of the answers are either "you need better friends" (i don't; my friends are wonderful) or "your social battery is drained, you need to rest and regain your energy levels" (i don't; i've got tons of energy, it's just manifesting as over-the-top neurotic mania). why is this even happening. it's like some stupid toll i have to pay as a punishment for enjoying myself too much
#theres a thing called 'larp drop' thats essentially this#esp since when having a great time you might be more inclined to disregard your limits and ignore discomfort#(and forget to eat/drink if its larp whoops)#and then once you have a moment to yourself it all comes crashing in#source: once forgot to eat at larp and had a sobbing fit in my car that ended the instant i bit into a chicken nugget - @queerfarmgremlin
Hey, you are not an embarrassment for not knowing how to do certain household chores/basic self-care. They do not come naturally to us. A lot of it takes practice! Maybe you had a neglectful guardian. Maybe you had one that was very coddling and never thought to teach you. Maybe you haven't lived in a place where these things were available to you or needed. Doesn't matter. It's okay to not know and far more common than you might realise.
That said, this website provides very simple instructions on how to do everyday tasks such as making your bed, using a washing machine, cooking different foods, washing dishes, taking a shower, etc. All you have to do is use the search bar to find the task you're struggling with, and it'll come up with what you need + other related how-to's:)
If you're having trouble navigating it, let me provide you with some examples:
How to clean dishes by hand
How to make your bed (with visual demonstrations of each step!)
How to fold clothes (with visual demonstrations of each step!)
How to take a shower & dry yourself off (also provides ways to shave beards, armpits, legs and genitals)
How to shave legs, armpits, beards, pubic areas, etc. (a more in-depth guide)
How to mop the floor
How to sweep the floor
How to swallow pills
How to make small talk
How to make eye contact in different situations (or how to avoid it while still looking natural)
It's also perfectly okay if these don't help or aren't appealing to you. Unfortunately, nothing helps everyone.
Also if the reason you don't know is developmental , intelectual or learning disabilities making you struggle even if you've been taught a bunch of times , you are so cool and awesome too :^) [smiley face ]
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