clutter management

Relationships that have real king/lionheart energy, that whole “I have sworn myself wholly to you, I am your sword arm, I am your dog” to someone else’s “you are the one person in this world I can rely on, and I am both bolstered and burdened by your absolute faith in me” vibe, but it’s in circumstances that are like. so low stakes. Manager of a movie theater/the one usher who doesn’t smoke weed at work.

Obviously people tag this with fictional characters who match this dynamic, but I have to say I am OBSESSED with everyone who is like “this is me for real in actual life. I would die for you, assistant manager brenda.”

person who genuinely hates themselves so much they can barely look anyone in the eye: i must remain humble lest my hideous ego spiral out of control

person who genuinely hates themselves so much they can barely look anyone in the eye: i must remain humble lest my hideous ego spiral out of control

It’s too much for coffee early on, but perfect for a proper knight out

get back here

there's a trojan war suburban au that only exists in my and izzie @wizardjail's heads where agamemnon owns a greek restaurant chain that keeps buying up other restaurants and priam has a family-owned turkish restaurant, and also all their kids go to the same schools. paris comes home from college and has an affair with helen, and in revenge the atreides try to destroy priam's business. they get odysseus involved because he's their only friend with a real business degree. odysseus files a disability claim to get out of contract but palamedes pushes telemachus' stroller into traffic, forcing odysseus to sprint after it to rescue him. agamemnon 'ruins iphigenia's future' by taking the minivan when she was supposed to be at an archery tournament, thus missing her chances of getting scouted; after which agamemnon and clytemnestra get divorced, but keep having more kids, because odysseus is anonymously suicide-baiting agamemnon and unintentionally driving him back to his ex-wife's arms. the pta is in shambles.

priam and hecuba have an open marriage. hektor is master chef; paris went to, like, juilliard but has no interest in cooking, which is his family's standard of masculinity for some reason. troilus is hecuba's son with local pharmaceutical company owner apollo. one time at the town's yearly all-ages charity soccer game, achilles got way too into it and illegally body-checked a 12-year-old troilus and broke his arm. apollo was in the bleachers and now has beef with this high schooler. he releases 1,000 mice into agamemnon's restaurants so they fail their health inspection. despite being, like, 17, achilles is too fucking good at his restaurant job so they keep giving him just way more responsibility than he should be trusted with. he's a branch manager. when he gets promoted patroclus solemnly dons his gyro mascot uniform