semi-precious

deltarune > undertale

noelle. noelle has become such an interesting character.

i always felt there was more going on with her in the weird route than just "being scared cuz she's manipulated by the player." not saying that isn't happening - but its not her only thing. it never was. so chapter five was very validating of my read of her.

basically, ever since the initial snowgrave route, my idea of noelle has been... complicated.

in both normal and weird routes, the game has a lot to say about the subject of noelle and power. noelle feeling weak and without agency. her dad wishes she wasn't "so helpless." queen thinking noelle is strong, but must become a "willing peon" (hi weird route foreshadowing). until that actually happens, at which point noelle has awakened "too much" for queen's taste.

anyway. my point is. noelle's relationship with power and doing what she wants is interesting. she also cares deeply about her self-perception. she doesn't want to seem "weird." she flushes at admitting to liking scary things. she cares about having the "right" reactions. yet... even back in chapter 2, it didn't feel like she was just horrified by what happened in the weird route. not when she reacts like this.

that slight smile has lived in my head rent-free since 2021. that was her initial reaction. only later did she act horrified. just like after initial violent thoughts, she had to talk herself down. after freezing one of the addisons, she denies what she did... but then says this.

and for being a route in which we manipulate her actions... isn't it interesting that what we're trying to do, is make her stronger? isn't that odd? in most stories of this kind of manipulation, the point is to break the person. not give them some twisted power.

anyway. what's my point here?

i used to be quiet about this read. i thought people with an "abuse metaphor" read of the weird route would hate me for this. and please know, i still think we/the player are manipulating her. but even in chapter two, i never thought that read fully appreciated noelle as a character. if that's all you see, it treats noelle more like a prop than a person. and i think noelle's pov is more complex than that.

because... i always thought a part of her liked it. she liked the sense of power. she liked "getting stronger." but she didn't want to admit it.

where else would these thoughts come from? and the smiles? why would she gradually, throughout chapter two, seem to enjoy it more? why would she know ice shock from the start, if that feeling wasn't already inside her? snowgrave is just a stronger version of ice shock, after all. it's evolving that feeling, rather than creating it from nothing.

this is cut dialogue from the aborted weird route in chapter five. dubiously canon, i know. but how i see it is this: even if you dont see it through, a part of her still feels this way. she still craves power.

so, what would tie all of that together with her horror?

it feels like a lot of noelle's story is about repression more than abuse. both in the regular and weird routes. repressing herself. repressing her power, her wants and needs. making herself quiet to please others. it's not all that dissimilar to ralsei, who doesn't think they should ever break the rules. the difference is that noelle didn't know she could.

but now that she does?

of course, the method of "bringing out her power" IS still manipulative. you are taking her somewhere very dark. somewhere she may not come back from. it still has an element of abuse - it gives power, but removes agency. she still needs the player to give the word. and the whole scenario is inherently violent, because that's how you "get stronger" in this route. while it's not a "genocide route", it does operate on the typical RPG logic of defeating enemies = getting stronger.

you tell her it's "natural" to have violent thoughts. you encourage it. and you force noelle's hand in ways she struggles to protest.

an interesting thing in chapter two, as well - when she thinks about hurting kris, she tries to discourage herself. of course that's bad to think. but we tell her its natural. we push that side of her. thats another odd wrinkle if you think the point is just abuse, right? we don't just make her attack others. we also encourage violent thoughts towards us.

when she gets access to snowgrave, she acts like she doesn't know it exists. and when she freezse berdly? she walks offscreen, like she always could have. and says there was so much snow, she didn't see anything. and then tells herself it was all a dream.

the emotion i read here isn't horror per se. it's denial. noelle never acted like she didn't know what a menu option was before. she never acted like ice shock wasn't there. and when berdly is comatose in the light world, her reaction isn't to make sure he's ok. it's to run away and reassure herself it didn't happen. that she isn't that person. she didn't smile at the thought of getting stronger. even here, in her denial - she's less concerned with him, than she is with who she is.

and to that, the player says to proceed. that violent thoughts are natural. that violent actions are natural. that she should get stronger.

so my question, in chapter two, was not whether we were manipulating her. we were! my question was whether there was more going on. whether, despite our cruelty, this was still freeing to her. that she smiled for a reason. that she had to talk herself out of violent thoughts for a reason. that we were bringing forth a repressed side of her.

and then chapter five happened. not only did she crave this power, she DID attain it when she cast snowgrave. her horror wasn't really about berdly, but about being afraid of this side of herself. being afraid of enjoying being like this.

now, she's finally ready to admit it.

look, i understand if some people feel this is too edgy a take. that some of this may just be cope on noelle's part. that she felt used, but re-framed it as getting stronger. that this isn't really "who she is", but rather her way of reclaiming a sense of agency over her abuser.

but even if that is your take? in the end, it doesn't matter. because now, she can make you come with her. she can proceed, even if you say stop.

it's a well-known theory that deltarune is partially about escapism. that however you feel wronged or disempowered by your real life, the dark world can be different.

but that doesn't have to be just "nice" things, like getting to be in fun environments where you're surrounded by friends. it can also be - much like the player who chooses violence in any game - the freedom to be cruel. the freedom to value power above friendship.

another important theme in deltarune is destiny, and trying to defy it. the prophecy being set in stone. nobody can choose who they are in this world. your choices don't matter. kris is the player's cage. disempowerment is everywhere, and you don't know whether anything you do can change fate.

noelle seems to feel the same way, in her everyday life. because a noelle is just a noelle. nothing changes.

but nobody said defying destiny would necessarily make things better.

maybe you're so desperate to escape, you're willing to become worse. just to feel like you have the power to change things. just to finally free the side of you that isn't following your set path. maybe you're willing to freeze everyone just to feel a fire inside you.

this dialogue only happens in chapter four if you're on the weird route. do with that what you will.

🌅🧡

- fading by like a sunset in my hand