FIBRO / Interrupted

What time will you arrive?? I always asks …because in my mined l always want to have the house neat and clean and of course my self the same way a fun package of clean ….It never arrives that way as the day drags on l really don’t see the sense putting out nice lines and washing my hair… and putting on makeup , he never notices the makeup or have washed up … boy what a pride kicker when he asked me if lm going to get in the shower with an interesting look …l have already gotten cleaned up ….so this is it hum!? I have lost interest… why bother when he doesn’t notice the extra stuff l want to feel better and it’s in my mined again to go begging for him to say something to the effect that he sees my lipstick and eyes and that there’s real clothes on more than house rags as l call them … Okay see the hour don’t judge he may have noticed something… not all that lipstick has gone to waste…. Oh no thinking again well he didn’t ask if l wanted anything from the store knowing l am not able to go …. It’s all a big let down saying silently under my breath…. I sabotage my foot … and l am slowly being drag off by my thoughts… He’s never going to want me the same way l desire him … he doesn’t seem to be a gentle man… just a reminder … so what he does not walk behind or open doors … why in the hell does it bother me so ? And his manners !!! There isn’t any no class at all …. It’s like he’s a monkey… just waiting through the jungle… oh stop and let me get back to the flirty stuff … no he doesn’t kiss like the beginning sitting really close holding hand… no matter where we are … no flirting with me…. He was so happy before… my sick heart really feels alone when we are together there’s got to be more … this is not all of it … If l only do this or if l only do that he will stop what he’s doing and pay attention like he use too … thinking it will never happen give up he’s not really working out and he’s not going to try he’s burnt out on you and just wants to run the other way when you open your mouth…. His insurcutys keep him at bay …. And not sure what you are truly about…. He can’t read your mined and you would not allow it if he could…. To many dark corners in that mined if yours … where’s your faith lately? Tided up in the old in -laws view of you ? And you won’t let it go … what a painful memory they raped you … of all you were supposed to be … now you have to clime the hill with out the gear … good luck getting tired yet ??thinking shut the fuck up to myself ….. okay it’s lorazepam time l can’t handle going in the dark corner today it was hard enough to wash my grayish hair and put makeup on and decent clothes …

Nothing can be farther from the truth…how you rip away at me with anger… it is not my fault you have this anger just like a wild animal you strike and never had l seen it coming … why blame me for being angry when you can’t have peace, you have to make your own peace inside your self ….l can only make it worse a cording to you l am a ———— and l am your anger well if that’s the case why do you stay ? why don’t you step out of the cage… the door it’s not locked only in your mined are you locked in …