Rip old title

if my doctors name was house i would wanna know his first name before he does any surgery on me. what if its haunted

I love it when dogs try to help but the task at hand requires zero dogs so they just kinda stand in front of you and look serious.

middle aged men do this too

This is from “would I lie to you” and the premise is that the contestants - usually the BBC’s regular rotating cast of professional comedians - have to work out whether someone is lying about a low-stakes anecdote. David Mitchell famously gets worked up about extremely low-stakes things

my mum was googling for an article about why everyone in the lord of the rings film is white (like to be clear she was annoyed by this) and the google ai was apparently like “everybody in the lord of the rings is not white. gandalf is grey.”

put a finger down if you were just talking to your 70 year old dad and one thing led to another and you ended up having to sheepishly explain omegaverse and he was asking more and more questions so eventually you were standing with your face fully covered stammering out “a-and they go into… heat… cycles…” but he was still curious so now you’re listening to him read reddit posts about mpreg and yaoi aloud at your kitchen table

he said the word pregnant and i SCREAMED like i was being tortured

my mom described my dad as “going alpha” on a dog at family dinner and i mumbled “don’t say that” and my father gave me the most knowing, evil look i’ve ever seen before he said “you know what my daughter showed me the other day—?”

My wife's favorite sleep noise app is the kind that lets you mix different noises, one of which is a snoring shih tzu, and she loves to create soundscapes that imply the dog is in imminent danger

The other night I was taking a bath while her bluetooth speaker sat innocently nearby, when she decided to aid my relaxation by providing her favorite soundscape, Dog Engulfed In Housefire

astonishing how good it can feel to get some chores done sometimes. you’ll be sitting there like damn i am some type of horrid little smeagol like creature who should be crushed to death. but then you do some laundry and you’re like wrow. im actually gods most fuckable soldier.

sometimes it's not even enemies to lovers. sometimes you get handed the leash of a snarling, barking dog against your will and realize with dawning horror that you are now responsible for teaching it not to bite