learning to live

So my thought was... can the intuitive principle be used elsewhere in our lives?

Now... as a spoonie (bipolar, chronic pain, and living with two other special needs people), I have had to monitor my energy level and hold myself back from drastic over-expenditures. Having lived many, many years of flying fast, crashing and burning, I’ve figured out over the last few years what stopping when I want to keep going looks like. (Imperfectly, of course.)

Sooo... Yesterday I began the art of:

INTUITIVE HOUSE KEEPING!

Now granted... I have an amazing housekeeper who comes bi-weekly, so I’m already at an advantage in this area. Because I know that she’s coming, I can rest a bit easier, but I still mentally struggle in this area.

Mondays I typically wake up looking over the carnage of the weekend and feel pre-defeated, as if a weight is on me. When I walked into my messy kitchen yesterday at 7:00 AM, having gotten almost no sleep, I looked around and said to myself, “I don’t want to deal with any of this.” And pretty instantly... I was okay with that.

There were no guests coming. No home inspection. No one to impress. Just me, my house, and my exhaustion. So I went about the task of sleepily preparing my son for school.

I noticed a few small and easy jobs to do and quickly handled them without thinking about it. There was no pressure; I didn’t have to do them, so it wasn’t drudgery. My day continued on that vein.

After work I sat around reading for close to an hour before I started cleaning upstairs. I made my bed. I folded a load of laundry that had been sitting in the dryer from a few days ago, so that I could do more laundry. I did that laundry. I scooped the cat box (ew). I vacuumed! All with NO pressure from my inner mean girl who loves to pick at me. There was no:

Perfectionism

Worrying about completing every last thing on some “list”

Bitterness and resentment at “having” to get things done

How many MORE things could I do intuitively? To me, “intuitive thinking” is:

Lovingly asking myself where I “am” in the moment

Not necessarily always seeking what is comfortable, but seeking what is not mentally/emotionally abusive or punishing

Faith; as a person who finds her faith vital, keeping close and connected to God helps me stay grounded and peaceful as I make choices throughout the day

Lovingly asking myself where I’d like to be in: an hour... the evening... bedtime (i.e. would I like the laundry done by bedtime, if energy levels allow? Can I be okay with myself if I don’t “make it?”)

So in conclusion, my ideas for an intuitive daily life include:

Intuitive eating (duh)

Intuitive body movement; moving for enjoyment and not punishment

Intuitive dressing; am I comfort minded today or do I feel like I would be better served dressing up? Can I have both?

Intuitive socialization; seeking and vocalizing what I need while also being mindful and kind to others. Withdrawing if necessary.

Intuitive food prep/fulfillment; do I need a day off from cooking? Do I need to cook?

Intuitive sleeping; not sure how to make this one happen, haha, but I’m trying

Intuitive parenting; allowing myself to have fun with my son instead of always having to be “the boss”

Intuitive marriage; learning how to give and receive in more emotionally healthy ways

The bottom line is... intuition is

TRUSTING YOURSELF

So this first week of acclimating to IE has been very interesting, eye opening, heart warming, disheartening, and ultimately feels like a place of peace, rest and home. Bit of a roller coaster, really.

Do you know how weird it feels to be making a blog about not doing a diet? Do you know how many dieting blogs I’ve started? And abandoned? And became ashamed of starting and abandoning?

Lots.

So I had a couple of interesting experiences this week, but my experiences with other women have been the most eye opening. 

I went to a little gathering on Friday evening with other women. It was a makeup party, so that was the focus. There was also wine, and some light supper/snacks. The host, friend of mine, I could immediately tell was “on a diet.” Just from the menu. LOL This is a lovely hostess friend who normally puts out a big spread, and she was making cauliflower crust pizza (which was really tasty, by the way). It quickly became evident she was “doing a thing,” and I asked which thing as it was very obvious she wanted to talk about it (been there). Turns out she’s doing some kind of medifast/ideal protein/astronaut food kinda thing (I didn’t ask for a lot of deets... I’m pretty sure that’s what it was). “I’ve lost 13 pounds in three weeks!” (Ugh........ been...... there......... so....... healthy right).....

Several additional women show up and I crap you not, I’d say 80% of words spoken were totally just diet culture vernacular. Haven’t had the veil of diet culture lifted, I was just kind of astounded. I kept quiet. ALL CLICHES WERE REPRESENTED, PEOPLE. Totally heard ALL of these things, at least once:

* I’m just learning to eat to live, and not live to eat * I can have “x” amount of something * How many pounds lost in how much time * I should be doing... * I shouldn’t be eating... * Oh well it should be okay if I just have one... * Oh yeah that thing I’m doing is so much like what you’re doing! * This food is so healthy! * Take this plate away from me, I shouldn’t eat anymore! * Well... I need to stop cause even healthy food isn’t healthy if you eat too much of it!

Guys I felt like I was in an anthropologic study of womanhood. I’m easily the fattest chick there, not participating in the “I should reallys” and what-have-you. When it comes to the “Okay, what have you been up to?” part for me, I shared what I’ve been doing with my music, in church, how much bible study I’ve been doing. Something OTHER than food. It was refreshing.

Just... is this all we have? Is this what we accept as women?

I also have this friend who is in her 30s and on the first diet of her life. Keto. I’m trying to keep my mouth shut but it’s really hard right now. She messaged me the other night that she’d eaten under 1100 cals by 10 pm and “wasn’t hungry.” I bit my tongue but gently said, “Honey, be careful of your metabolism. Please eat a snack.” She did but goooooosh darn.

Pictures: the pasta is what I made for dinner. Gemelli pasta, chicken breast and peas, in a homemade cream sauce. Butter, flour, milk, hand grated parmesan, mozzarella, salt, pepper and lots of garlic. It was delicious and I ate til comfortably full and the rest is in the fridge. Hubby seemed happy... My son didn’t like it though cause he’s weird. Who doesn’t like from scratch alfredo? FREAK. Promised him meatloaf and mash tomorrow night, for which he seemed excited.

The second picture was my trip to the grocery store this evening. Did a big huge grocery stock up at Costco today but I don’t like buying huge quantities of ice cream things because I prefer variety. I know I saw one woman eyeing it... probably wondering if I lived alone with a cat, was on the worst period of my life (nah bench, ain’t got a uterus), or had a breakup/bender. LOL

The funny thing was, none of the ice cream sounded good at all because I was full from dinner and I just decided I’d get a bunch of flavors and throw them in my deep freeze for later. That’s why I couldn’t choose a flavor. Was laughing about it with the male cashier. Tall, skinny dude talking to the short, chubby lady and we’re all bonding over a deep freezer full of stocked up ice cream. LOL Love it.