Expecting Rose

I have been wanting to get some push toys for a while. My hubby got me some eggs for Mother’s Day and they came a little early and I was eager to try it out. While my hubby doesn’t have a breeding kink (and shys away from birth play after the birth of our little one.), I do have a friend I met through tumblr who has the same intense birthing kink I do!

So as soon as the eggs came in, we set up a time to get on the phone so he could coach me through pushing out my new toys.

Of course I had a myriad of toys at the ready and lube. I was pumped and confident that I could push out the two little eggs no problem. Boy was I wrong!!!

Shortly after my coach came on the call I slipped the egg inside. It felt so good. Even though it was the small soft one it felt amazing sliding through my birth canal. Stretching as it made it’s way inside. What I wasn’t counting on was that it was so small, and my body was so eager to cradle and care for it, that it slipped right into my cervix and into my womb. I can already hear the haters ‘no way, the cervix is way to small for that to happen’. Well when a woman is menstruating it opens nice and wide for the tissue and blood to get through… yeah did I mention I did this on my period. It was messy!

It was fun to push and hold my vibrator right against my clit. It felt amazing to be filled and to be pushing something out… except it wasn’t coming out. About 20 minutes in I started to become worried. I didn’t have a back up plan if I couldn’t get it out. Word to the wise put it in a damn condom so you can pull it out if you have to.

So here I was, pushing with everything I had. Not feeling any movement. Each time I checked on the egg, putting my fingers deeper than I ever had before. It was still in the same spot nestled in my womb.

When I started to panic my coach would remind me to breathe. He had me try all kinds of different positions, I went from laying on my back, to kneeling on the bed. Going on the floor and squatting, even leaning on a small stool I have. Nothing seemed to work. My pubic bone was sitting so low, that the wrong position would just close off my birth canal.

I kept pushing, using all my might. I was getting exhausted.

My coach was a rockstar! Keeping me calm, asking how I was feeling, asking where the egg was. He was so calm and confident that I could do it. He kept telling me my affirmations, and counting my pushes. But we were both hyper aware that he was thousands of miles away and if worse came to worse I would be walking around with an egg in my vagina all day. He helped me laugh it off and made the worst case scenario sound kinky. Which helped me relax.

At one point I was lying exhausted on the bed. Seriously worried if a very embarrassing ER visit was in my future. My coach was encouraging me to take a break and breathe. I did, then checked on the egg.

That was when my coach in a stroke of genius asked me a question I hadn’t even considered. He asked which way the egg was facing. Luckily the egg was textured so I could figure out the orientation just by feel.

The DAMN thing was BREECH! It was laying completely on it’s side with the widest part trying to push it’s way out first. No wonder I wasn’t getting any progress!! I was so relieved that we figured that out I felt like crying.

But I had a job to do. So I focused and went to work. It took a while and I was still exhausted, but with the tip of my fingernail, I was able to encourage a rotation. My coach talked me through it, telling me what an amazing job I was doing. I felt so focused. I was going to get this egg out!

My coach and I talked about how this was just the first step. This was training for a much bigger and better event. One day I would be struggling against a bundle of Joy.

It took a while but I was able to rotate it most of the way around. So in a “Smart” (not smart, dumb… what I did next was super dumb.) So I took my dildo and used to to rotate it the rest of the way. Which worked… except I wedged it into my right hip… I was starting to panic again. I was worried about timing. I had to get my real baby up, and I was keeping my coach from sleep. But he never once mentioned timing told me That this was just for me and I was doing amazing.

I laid on my left side and played with my clit till I orgasumed. Of course my coach helped me with that too. It did the trick the egg slid back into place. I could feel that it was in the perfect position now. I just had to push it into my birth canal. I was using my fingers to spread myself as best I could. I was in the home stretch I knew it, I just had to get it down.

Finally I started to feel it move down. Fuck it felt good entering my birth canal. But after each mighty push it would slip back down. I was on my back so gravity wasn’t helping. I was beginning to understand why women would panic when their babies slipped back in. I was so tired, so close, and so ready to hold it. Each time it slipped I felt like I was back at square one.

In a desperate attempt to end it, I moved into the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and pushed as hard as I could. With gravity now helping I was able to make serious progress. My coach told me to keep the pressure, told me to get ready and push again right after. It was so hard. But the stretch felt incredible. It felt so amazing to actually be making meaningful progress. I was gasping for breath, grunting and bearing down with every push. Even when I wasn’t pushing and I was catching my breath I was still bearing down. Not allowing the egg to slip back in.

then I felt it, right up against my fingers at the very tip of the egg. I was so happy I could cry. I was right in the middle of a push. When my coach was at six, I was pushing so hard it popped right out. I froze holding this little egg in my hand. I just gasped and told my coach “I did it. I caught it… It’s out.” I couldn’t believe it.

My coach was so turned on by my efforts I could hear him cumming. That was hot beyond belief. I was in bliss thinking of his mess mixing with mine.

I was absolutely frozen. The egg, my hand and my thighs were covered in blood. I was breathing so hard, but a relief of dopamine washed over me. Suddenly I wasn’t tired any more.

My coach and I celebrated talking about how hot that was. He kept telling me he was proud of me, that he knew I could do it, and that I was incredible. I was in shock.

To be honest, I don’t remember much about the cool down except that I felt unstoppable. I also remember crying. I felt like I finally got the birth experience I had always wanted. My coach was so supportive of that.

My take away: Always play safe (If it doesn't have a pull string, put it in a condom), have a plan A and B. Size is deceiving, smaller doesn’t mean easier! Get a good coach, doing things alone is great. But having someone you trust to help you through it is irreplaceable. (If you are giving birth for real, get a doula)

My body truly was made for this, and I can’t wait to do it again.