audrey is on @down1979 for the time being.
styofa doing anything
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β
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Claire Keane
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@exjacket-a
audrey is on @down1979 for the time being.

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i might move audrey back to my multi .... would that be okay with you?
might have to move audrey back to my multi but might not
Thought about Audrey and Ben
AUDREY EVANS YOU'RE SO FAMOUS TO ME

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RACHEL WEISZ | The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2023)
van waits with a baited breath, hanging on those two syllables, mapping the lines of audrey's faceββ a face that shouldn't feel so brand new to them but fuck, they are just now realizing that the fuzzy little pixels on their phone never quite did audrey evans justice. in hindsight, why didn't you come before seems like the wrong question to ask. it wasn't like they had extended a personal invite. audrey is here because audrey chose to be. all on her own accord, since all van did to facilitate it was pick up a call with a brief can't talk taissa's here and hang it right up back again. they didn't have any secret plans of inviting her or even visiting at all. no, they were too busy being comforted by simply the sound of her voice on a long drive to wonder what it would be like to hear it sitting across from them on the passenger's side better yet in their own damn living room. it almost feels cruel making audrey be the one to answer the question at all.
β Β wait. you don't .. Β β whether it's a scoff or a poor excuse for a laugh that escapes van's lips she doesn't know but it lingers in the space between her words all the same. β Β .. actually believe that, do you? Β β maybe it's shock or maybe it's hurt or maybe it's even some twisted version of both. if anything at all, she isn't hurt that audrey could think something like that. it's the idea that they shouldn't have allowed her mind to ever go there to begin with. (how the hell was i supposed to work that into a midnight phone call?) van pulls one leg up beneath their body on the couch, crossing the other one over it until their heel is pressing so deeply into the bend beneath cushions that they feel grounded again.
β Β well, you're here now, Β β their lips curl into a ghost of a smile, soft in all the ways van isn't sure is right but persist against all of her better judgments anyway, β Β so, what changed? should i have hung up the phone more often orrrrr? Β β
she has convinced herself,β β β β β βin the depths of her psyche,β β β β β βthat she is undeserving of a moment like this.β β β β β βtake the wins as they come,β β β β β βtake the long distance phone calls and the forced isolation in wiskyaok because what could she deserve that was any better?β β β β β βcertainly not this,β β β β β βbecause this feels too good.β β β β β βeven as she looks around and sees the time capsule that is van's apartment,β β β β β βeven a small moment like that,β β β β β βit's too good.β β β β β βshe only has this for the consumption that she partook in,β β β β β βfor the dirt that she swallowed.β β β β β βif one were looking in,β β β β β βmaybe they'd see a glimpse of what could be a casual reintroduction,β β β β β βtwo friends,β β β β β βmaybe more,β β β β β βcaught back together in a moment of surprise.β β β β β βcouldn't anything happen?β β β β β βshould anything happen?β β β β β β" oh my god. "β β β β β βher cheeks blush and she turns her chin downward.β β β β β βtheir voice is so much clearer,β β β β β βtheir little intonations,β β β β β βthe little twist of her lips and and the tone of each word...β β β β β βaudrey's heart beats a little faster in her chest as she focuses in.
" i don't know,β β β β β βi guess i did. "β β β β β βwhen her brown eyes flick up once more,β β β β β βshe's met with that moment once again,β β β β β βthe very moment that comes every second,β β β β β βas if her memory goes and slips only to be reinvigorated by each relooking at van.β β β β β βtheir scar is lighter,β β β β β βand for a moment she realizes that her gaze is caught too closely.β β β β β βthose memories seem to be a bit more clearer than the one she's gathering in this moment.β β β β β βagain,β β β β β βit's too good to be trueβ β β β β β(and only soon will she know that it's not,β β β β β βthat a moment like this can only come with some sort of loss,β β β β β βsome sort of painβ β β β β β/β β β β β βsince the age of eighteen,β β β β β βthere was only ever good when there was bad ready to come,β β β β β βonly ever good associated with the truly most awful moments of her existence).β β β β β β" you're going to laugh at me. "β β β β β βshe leans into the back of the couch,β β β β β βelbow pressing deep and her hand supporting her chin.β β β β β β" honestly i was a little jealous that you were hanging out with tai without me. "β β β β β βshe fakes a flinch,β β β β β βbefore allowing a sliver of an embarrassed laugh slip through parted lips.β β β β β β" it was the final push... "
the warmth fades,β β β β β βand the grin slips into a near emptiness on her features.β β β β β βthe previous honesty was coated in a quick facade,β β β β β βone easily accessible from the anxiety of being in the presence of someone like them once more.β β β β β β" i'd been wanting to come for a while,β β β β β βand i kinda feel like shit for not doing it.β β β β β βi...β β β β β βi swear to god i wanted to,β β β β β βi just got busy with my mom when she got sick and... "β β β β β βnow she's rambling,β β β β β βand she brings her palm up to her forehead to silently tell herself,β β β β β βstop:β β β β β βstop embarrassing yourself.β β β β β β" yeah. "
"you know,Β youβve got a real smart mouth."
orrr "i'm not the type to admit i'm wrong."
<3
she's quick to raise her brows:β β β β β βif there's one thing that she cannot do,β β β β β βit's bite back her facial expressions.β β β β β βnot anymore.β β β β β βit used to be a conscious effort,β β β β β βwords going around her head of minute judgements that slipped after every gameβ β β β β β(when jackie would pass it wrong,β β β β β βwhen the team was just not on the same page)β β β β β βall thought with a smileβ and a warm effort to keep her expression as simple as possible.β β β β β βnot now,β β β β β βshe turns her gaze to @scatored:β β β β β βand it's all out there.β β β β β βjudgment mixed in with a little bit of humorβ β β β β β(if you look closely,β β β β β βthe corner of her lips are twisted just slightly upwards).
" well you...β β β β β βi mean. "β β β β β βfor a place completely silent,β β β β β βit's so loud.β β β β β βthe snowfall outside lingers like a peaceful threat,β β β β β βgrinning down upon them knowing what kind of selfishness in beauty it is creating.β β β β β βshe used to love this time of the year,β β β β β βnow she looks out the window with annoyance and ache.β β β β β β" you kind of lied,β β β β β βdidn't you? "β β β β β βit's not meant to hurt,β β β β β βit's not meant to be a dig at her characterβ β β β β β(although her stomach rumbles,β β β β β βand her teeth slightly chatter,β β β β β and some part of her holds that over the other girl's head,β β β β β a personal attack).β β β β β β" i get why you did it though.β β β β β βmaybe you weren't wrong.β β β β β βat least...β β β β β βat least javi's okay,β β β β β βright? "β β β β β βshe shrugs,β β β β β βbecause when she sees the silent boy out of the corner of her eye she can only wonder what he saw out there in the freezing cold and whispering trees.β β β β β β" we're practically dying out here,β β β β β βhe'll get over it. "
OFFICIAL SEMI HIATUS NOTICE!
i am out of town for spring break from today to thursday night!β β β β β βi'm bringing my computer but i am visiting my family,β β β β β βmany of who are chronically ill and some near the end of life so i wish to spend as much time as possible with them!β β β β β ββ β β β β β/β β β β β ββ β β β β βthis goes for @exjacket,β β β β β β@96buzz,β β β β β β@allthatwas as well!
shouldβve kept my ass in bed . (from lina, @cr4shjackets)
there are still scratches on her arms,β β β β β βbarely closed up and still vulnerable to reopeningβ β β β β β(there are still scratches inside that threatn the same,β β β β β βone wrong word or one wrong turn and it all comes spilling from the inside outβ β β β β β/β β β β β βthe silent tears).β β β β β βwith her knees tucked in,β β β β β βher chin turns to rest.β β β β β βfor all its worth out here:β β β β β βshe feels good,β β β β β βeven with the pounding headache,β β β β β βshe feels good.β β β β β β" shit. "β β β β β βteeth clamp down on her lower lip for a moment,β β β β β βtrying her hardest not to smile before it sneaks over across the cracks with gloss still lingering from the night before.β β β β β β" i would never have guessed i'd be hung over from fermented berries in the fucking woods. "
when she looks to @19months,β β β β β βshe can't help but laugh now.β β β β β βit almost feels like the teamwork again,β β β β β βlike the joy she got at pre game dinners or end of the year banquets.β β β β β βthe game,β β β β β βand all it was is gone...β β β β β βand maybe she's okay with thatβ β β β β β(still there is something that lingersββ β β β β βmemories that stay and have not left,β β β β β βhow quickly they were ready to move on from her captain hood and how hard it was on them for her to leaveβ β β β β β/β β β β β βnot in a sad way,β β β β β βwhat the fuck are we going to do now?).β β β β β β" my head hurts and that's like...β β β β β βgood,β β β β β βisn't that stupid? "β β β β β βit's quick that her laugh seems to fade into short disgruntled huffs beneath her breath,β β β β β βand her smile then turns into something sad.β β β β β βshe remembers what they did,β β β β β βbut who could blame them right?β β β β β β(out of the corner of her eye,β β β β β βshe sees jackie with furrowed brows and a look that she could only describe as:β β β β β βpissed).
" it was a nice doomcoming i guess. "

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Most of the team preferred not to remain in contact with one another. That was fair -- it wasn't as if Misty had many close friends out there herself.
But she had a lingering sense of responsibility to be the one to fix things, to clean up the messes and little nicks and scrapes that could arise whenever someone came picking at the metaphorical scabs around their shared secret. And there were a few Yellowjackets that the blonde would go above and beyond for, but their numbers were few and far between (duty and guilt could compel the hell out of someone).
Audrey's discomfort wasn't unexpected or unfair. But she was in safe hands with Misty -- when wasn't she? But the entire situation, with the reporter and the blackmail, was enough to put anyone on edge if they weren't prepared. The nurse, however, took it as a challenge.
"Yes, of course. Please, put your bag anywhere you'd like -- maybe the kitchen table? Caligula won't touch it, he's going back in his cage anyhow," she said, waving the woman in. Misty found her African Grey clutching the back of a wooden chair, and she scooped him up gently. "It's bedtime for birdie. But first, say good night to our guest."
The bird clicked its beak and turned his attention to the blonde. "Mommy, bed time," he cawed before fixing a beady eye on Audrey. "Good night. Bed time."
Misty smiled proudly before carrying the bird to his cage, talking over her shoulder to the other woman. "Well, that's as promising as it is frustrating. She had no bylines that I could find online either. So I think it's safe to say she's not exactly in the publishing industry." Once she'd covered up Caligula's cage for the night, she brushed her hands off on her pants and returned to the table, a pleasant smile creasing her features.
"So you haven't... heard from anyone else on the team lately? I mean, it's not as if we all have one big, happy group chat, but this Roberts woman has definitely kicked the nest, so to speak."
the yellowjackets themselves are almost gone from audrey's mind.β β β β β βthey were before the crash too.β β β β β βthe memories of soccer remain at a distance,β β β β β βshe's learned better than to lingerβ β β β β β(almost,β β β β β βit's almost what she's learned and yet here she is standing in misty quigley's home trying to fight the feeling the simmers just under her skin screaming to scratch the itch).β β β β β βshe's quick to flash a smile over her shoulder,β β β β β βbrown eyes usually warm turn slowly to dilated iris.β β β β β βas much as their shouldn't be:β β β β β βthere is fear.β β β β β βit's not fear of the blonde herself,β β β β β βno,β β β β β βit's the quick glances of a teenager she sees from the corner of her eyes,β β β β β βas if the misty she once knew is still somewhere hanging on and waiting.
she drops her bag gently,β β β β β βand lips pull into a thin line...β β β β β βwaiting with adverted gazeβ β β β β β(avoiding the bird himself)β β β β β βand only giving a smile as he says goodbye.β β β β β βthe child in her wants to laugh:β β β β β βbecause if she were asked years ago where she pictured misty quigley,β β β β β βshe could paint this picture with a million words and get nearly every detail right.β β β β β βalthough maybe she'd pick a cat over a bird...β β β β β βso close.
" i don't get it,β β β β β βi don't get why she cares so much. "β β β β β βher voice is just a train of thought,β β β β β βlost as her gaze seems to drift off.β β β β β βthe topic pulls her in,β β β β β βput her in a place where every joke or smile that threatens to pull on her features at the state of her grown self.β β β β β β" maybe she's just obsessive.β β β β β βmaybe she's just a crazy fan...β β β β β βi don't know though. "
the shake of her head and the furrow of her brow ages her,β β β β β βworry ages herβ β β β β β(and she wonders,β β β β β βwhenever she catches herself in the mirror looking this frustrated,β β β β β βshe wonders how she looked back with the combination of dust settling in the cracks of her skin under the warm yet dim light of the fire).β β β β β β" no,β β β β β βno i haven't talked to anyone. "β β β β β βwhich is funny,β β β β β βshe thinks,β β β β β βconsidering how close she still lives to everyone.β β β β β βto leave wiskayok would be to abandon audrey evans,β β β β β βare the other girls the same?β β β β β β" why?β β β β β βhave you? "
guess who
argue with the wall! (jk)
semi hiatus / low activity notice:β β β β β βi'm currently working on my research project to graduateβ β β β β β(like a thesis but without revisions)β β β β β βand also just physically and emotionally drained beyond what i have felt in so long.β β β β β βi'll be on here still,β β β β β βi just wanted to post this to set a precedent about activity and how i will be priortizing stuff with close friends or plotting.β β β β β βmost of my activity will instead be given to @exjacket.
EXJACKET,β β β β β ββ β β β β ββ β β β β ββ β β β β βREFLECTION FT. JACKIE TAYLOR.

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this room is so suffocating . (from birdie)
" and it smells like shit. "β β β β β βher response is hidden beneath her breath,β β β β β βeyes dancing over a sea of grumbling stomachs and sweated desperation.β β β β β βeven in the cold they're burning up,β β β β β βmuscles eating themselves to give them the strength to wake up in the morning.β β β β β βa part of her heart hurts for them,β β β β β βin all her time on the sidelinesβ β β β β β(even when she tried hard not to)β β β β β βshe took note of each girl.β β β β β βlottie's speed,β β β β β βtai's intelligence,β β β β β βvan's concentration,β β β β β βand as much as she tried to avert her gazeββ β β β β βsoccer was hers,β β β β β βthe team was once hers.β β β β β βaren't they hers once more?
an equal starvation,β β β β β βa leveled playing field,β β β β β βand maybe thats why despite everything that she has tried to tell herselfβ β β β β β(and every time she's forced herself to react without the lingering memories of the team they once were):β β β β β βshe finds herself caring...β β β β β βso she whispers,β β β β β βso she tries to keep everyone away from any perception of their ex captain digging at them in her mind,β β β β β βeven for stuff out of their control.β β β β β β" i feel like every single fucking day it's getting worse...β β β β β βi miss when we could go outside. "β β β β β βher tone dips,β β β β β βit deepensβ β β β β β(and momentarily her eyes twitch to lottie illuminated by the fire...β β β β β βwhen she catches herself she hopes @redruins doesn't see).β β β β β β" it'd be so much better if we could go outside. "
shout out to @90svan round 2 because i get to push the audrey lesbian agenda