Subsystem

[This is solely for the sake of sharing experiences & supplying food for thought. This post is not implying these takes are the “right way” to view systemhood.]

I know most people have jumped to assuming that I mean everyone who is "cringe" is faking, that's not the case. I have very cringe alters and that's okay. I don't care about if someone is cringe. This also has nothing to do with if someone is overt online or not. I'm an overt system, I get it.

How you're able to tell is because "fake" systems (I won't outright claim they're fake, most of them are misguided) tend to have a dramaticised presentation. They tend to have a complete focus on alters rather than the whole disorder. They also show symptoms of factitious disorder (which is a real disorder and having it doesn't make someone a bad person). They show very minimal symptoms of dissociation, and don't really mention it as being part of the disorder whatsoever.

This is also true of a lot of younger systems who are figuring it out and are being pressured by the system community to act a certain way, so it's not a foolproof method.

I'm also going to drop the thing on what factitious DID looks like according to the DSM.

I’m a DID system, diagnosed for a few years now, and when I was 19, I was self dx’d but. Pretty certain (no other disorders seemed to explain my situation as well).

I was fakeclaimed solely on my CDD positivity blog, from like… 21 onward? And this was the reasoning often used: I was displaying my “good” symptoms too blatantly, talking about my alters too much, not talking about my dissociation enough, etc.

There's a very common misconception that people with DID or OSDD are inherently suffering, While it's true that they can face challenges--just like anyone in life--having a system isn't just a source of pain and misery.

For many, systemhood is a natural part of who they are. It's how their brain adapted to early experiences, it's how they navigate their world. Systems can find joy, strength, and creativity through their alters and system. They can have fufilling lives, have loving relationships, or pursue their career just like anyone else.

Not experiencing a symptom right now? Doesn't matter. I am an alter too. I am never not experiencing a symptom. My existence as Part of the whole is a symptom in itself.

Do I "like" being a system? I appreciate the ways it serves me. I equally lothe losing days, weeks, months at a time or not recognizing myself in the mirror or faking my way through conversation about things I have no memories of.

I don't spend every moment of every day in deep sorrow and anger, but a great amount of time is frustration.

It is implying that the above statement cannot be true since you specifically aren't like that.

My reply had no malice toward OP. Didn't directly attack OP or generalize my experience to being that of a whole community.

There's a very common misconception that people with DID or OSDD are inherently suffering, While it's true that they can face challenges--just like anyone in life--having a system isn't just a source of pain and misery.

For many, systemhood is a natural part of who they are. It's how their brain adapted to early experiences, it's how they navigate their world. Systems can find joy, strength, and creativity through their alters and system. They can have fufilling lives, have loving relationships, or pursue their career just like anyone else.

Not experiencing a symptom right now? Doesn't matter. I am an alter too. I am never not experiencing a symptom. My existence as Part of the whole is a symptom in itself.

Do I "like" being a system? I appreciate the ways it serves me. I equally lothe losing days, weeks, months at a time or not recognizing myself in the mirror or faking my way through conversation about things I have no memories of.

I don't spend every moment of every day in deep sorrow and anger, but a great amount of time is frustration.

It is implying that the above statement cannot be true since you specifically aren't like that.

My reply had no malice toward OP. Didn't directly attack OP or generalize my experience to being that of a whole community.

There's a very common misconception that people with DID or OSDD are inherently suffering, While it's true that they can face challenges--just like anyone in life--having a system isn't just a source of pain and misery.

For many, systemhood is a natural part of who they are. It's how their brain adapted to early experiences, it's how they navigate their world. Systems can find joy, strength, and creativity through their alters and system. They can have fufilling lives, have loving relationships, or pursue their career just like anyone else.

Not experiencing a symptom right now? Doesn't matter. I am an alter too. I am never not experiencing a symptom. My existence as Part of the whole is a symptom in itself.

Do I "like" being a system? I appreciate the ways it serves me. I equally lothe losing days, weeks, months at a time or not recognizing myself in the mirror or faking my way through conversation about things I have no memories of.

I don't spend every moment of every day in deep sorrow and anger, but a great amount of time is frustration.

It is implying that the above statement cannot be true since you specifically aren't like that.

My reply had no malice toward OP. Didn't directly attack OP or generalize my experience to being that of a whole community.

There's a very common misconception that people with DID or OSDD are inherently suffering, While it's true that they can face challenges--just like anyone in life--having a system isn't just a source of pain and misery.

For many, systemhood is a natural part of who they are. It's how their brain adapted to early experiences, it's how they navigate their world. Systems can find joy, strength, and creativity through their alters and system. They can have fufilling lives, have loving relationships, or pursue their career just like anyone else.

Not experiencing a symptom right now? Doesn't matter. I am an alter too. I am never not experiencing a symptom. My existence as Part of the whole is a symptom in itself.

Do I "like" being a system? I appreciate the ways it serves me. I equally lothe losing days, weeks, months at a time or not recognizing myself in the mirror or faking my way through conversation about things I have no memories of.

I don't spend every moment of every day in deep sorrow and anger, but a great amount of time is frustration.

It is implying that the above statement cannot be true since you specifically aren't like that.

My reply had no malice toward OP. Didn't directly attack OP or generalize my experience to being that of a whole community.

There's a very common misconception that people with DID or OSDD are inherently suffering, While it's true that they can face challenges--just like anyone in life--having a system isn't just a source of pain and misery.

For many, systemhood is a natural part of who they are. It's how their brain adapted to early experiences, it's how they navigate their world. Systems can find joy, strength, and creativity through their alters and system. They can have fufilling lives, have loving relationships, or pursue their career just like anyone else.

Not experiencing a symptom right now? Doesn't matter. I am an alter too. I am never not experiencing a symptom. My existence as Part of the whole is a symptom in itself.

Do I "like" being a system? I appreciate the ways it serves me. I equally lothe losing days, weeks, months at a time or not recognizing myself in the mirror or faking my way through conversation about things I have no memories of.

I don't spend every moment of every day in deep sorrow and anger, but a great amount of time is frustration.

It is implying that the above statement cannot be true since you specifically aren't like that.

There's a very common misconception that people with DID or OSDD are inherently suffering, While it's true that they can face challenges--just like anyone in life--having a system isn't just a source of pain and misery.

For many, systemhood is a natural part of who they are. It's how their brain adapted to early experiences, it's how they navigate their world. Systems can find joy, strength, and creativity through their alters and system. They can have fufilling lives, have loving relationships, or pursue their career just like anyone else.

Not experiencing a symptom right now? Doesn't matter. I am an alter too. I am never not experiencing a symptom. My existence as Part of the whole is a symptom in itself.

Do I "like" being a system? I appreciate the ways it serves me. I equally lothe losing days, weeks, months at a time or not recognizing myself in the mirror or faking my way through conversation about things I have no memories of.

I don't spend every moment of every day in deep sorrow and anger, but a great amount of time is frustration.

It is implying that the above statement cannot be true since you specifically aren't like that.

Halloween is coming and you should play Pocket Mirror!! It's a beautiful horror j-rpg exploring the disordered systemhood of a little girl from the 19th century. The game shows, instead of talking about, her dissociative disorder. Despite her being traumagenic, there is some mysterious spiritual meddling with her life and system which brings more interesting stories to her journey. I don't know if anyone in the dev team is plural but I'd say they did a pretty good representation, and a great game overall! (Ps: it has animated cutscenes in the cutest art style ever)

Trigger warnings for classic horror stuff like blood and chasing sequences. But nothing remotely sexual-related, as far as I remember.

There's the classic and remastered version. I can't give opinions about the remaster because I haven't played/seen it.

The whole game looks like pure fairytale magic btw.

Pocket Mirror Classic

Halloween is coming and you should play Pocket Mirror!! It's a beautiful horror j-rpg exploring the disordered systemhood of a little girl from the 19th century. The game shows, instead of talking about, her dissociative disorder. Despite her being traumagenic, there is some mysterious spiritual meddling with her life and system which brings more interesting stories to her journey. I don't know if anyone in the dev team is plural but I'd say they did a pretty good representation, and a great game overall! (Ps: it has animated cutscenes in the cutest art style ever)

Trigger warnings for classic horror stuff like blood and chasing sequences. But nothing remotely sexual-related, as far as I remember.

There's the classic and remastered version. I can't give opinions about the remaster because I haven't played/seen it.

The whole game looks like pure fairytale magic btw.

Pocket Mirror Classic

I'm putting this blog to rest.

I'm done. I'm out. And god, is it a relief.

So, this is actually a pretty complicated topic. First off, I gotta know how we're describing "polyfragmented" here. Some people use it to describe systems with 100+ parts (mostly fragments/rudimentary parts), other people use it to talk about systems with subsystems, and then lately the online community has started to say it's both and more than that but also none of that. So, yeah, I'm gonna need to know how you personally describe it to give you a more concrete answer.

Now here comes the rambles... (Also, sorry if I sound a little blunt talking about this, it's not aimed at you!)

So, I know that the online community really likes "polyfragmented" as a term, but in modern academic literature and in my medical circles, it's not really common? I just don't hear "polyfragmented" being used that often. Large amounts of parts, subsystems, fragments, etc. are just not all that uncommon or unique when we're talking about DID or OSDD. If anyone likes the term for themselves, that's perfectly fine. It really is just more of a casual term, though, not its own diagnosis or special form of dissociation.

Personally, I think "is polyfragmented OSDD-1 real" is not a productive conversation to have. The clinical field largely seems to agree that there's little difference between OSDD-1 and DID, and there's been many proposals to merge them together under a new name or as just DID... Personally, I support this idea. It's not uncommon for someone who better fits DID to get diagnosed with OSDD, vice versa. I’m not surprised that some people diagnosed with OSDD also find that they fit the definition(s) of polyfragmented.

Unfortunately, I see a lot of discourse over polyfragmented OSDD-1 in the online community just devolve into pain olympics. I’m tired of it. In research, DID is often placed on a continuum with PTSD, with OSDD in the middle. I sometimes see people in the online community use this continuum to say that DID is somehow worse than OSDD. Those people assume that "polyfragmented DID" is a worse DID. I understand that it's easier to think of these things in neat little boxes and hierarchies but this is mental health we're talking about here. It just doesn't fucking work like that!

The original post, for those who missed it.

This is going to be really disjointed and rough. I've been put in a really weird position and I want to just... talk about it. This is okay to reblog, I'm sure there's pro/endos that have been waiting for this. Unfortunately, it's going to be attached to a vent.

Sadly, talking to him brought up a lot of bad feelings. I'm still so sad to see so many people turn on me. I'm disappointed that there was so much pushback. I'm disgusted by people's hypocrisy.

People wanted to know why I wasn't posting my side of the emails to Colin Ross, they tried to say he didn't believe those things anymore.

So I emailed him again, recapping our previous conversations, and asking him if he still believed in non traumagenic plurality.

And he responded that he does.

I thought I could post it, and that would be the end of it. Proving we had spoken before, confirming the topics discussed. But in my email to him, I shared what I've been doing since I last spoke with him, what prompted me to reach out to him again. The same thing that stopped me from posting my side of the emails originally. I wasn't entirely honest with him, either. I don't think I would have gotten a response if I had talked about tumblr.

And I'm simultaneously so excited and so scared.

This is a man that, in a very vague sense, formed a mentor/professional relationship with me. Our interaction overall was brief, but it was exciting to discuss his work with him, ask him questions that had been bothering me-- I told him about myself, my educational and work background. I used my real email and name. My real school. He's Canadian, we talked about it. I shared real details of my life, and while it wasn't necessarily in confidence, I don't think he would appreciate knowing that I've shared his personal thoughts and emails on tumblr, of all places. I'm not lying or hiding anything in my side of the conversation.

I'm scared.

I'm terrified to post anything that could be linked to me. Even posting this, I'm like, "can people like... reverse edit my picture and get my email?" I genuinely don't know.

I worry about posting the full screenshots with his email, knowing people won't believe me if I don't, but not wanting to have these ridiculously immature people in his inbox. I have encouraged people since day one to find his email themselves and reach out. I figure that the only people who would put in that work are the people who genuinely want to learn.

But then I realized that there are people that could ruin the relationship I made with him.

People that could make it so that I can never contact him in this way again.

People could use this to find me, if they get Colin Ross talking. (The rational part of my brain says he's smart enough not to give someone else my name, but goddamn, some of you people are actually dangerous)

There are people that want to do that to me. People that hate that I even brought a professional into this conversation. And I get it. I sat on the original conversation for almost three years, remember?

It's really scary to admit you're wrong, that you've been close-minded and hardheaded. It's scary to confront your bias and actions.

But having him respond to me... I feel so lucky? Not that Colin Ross is a saint, but how often do you get to meet someone like him? How often do you have a chance to take advantage of a professional contact that seems willing and happy to have these kinds of conversations with you? Three years later and he remembered me. He took the time to answer me, again.

I don't want to fuck that up.

So I thought about reaching out to certain people, showing them the entire set of emails without any blockout and having them vouch for the authenticity.

Then I realized that I wouldn't trust any of you anti endogenic systems with any of my information after how you've all behaved.

And I realized that none of you are going to change your minds, no matter what I show you, and I'd rather to maintain my professional relationships than put any more effort into any of you.

And I know if I wait too long to post this, people will call it fake, so I either need to go ahead and make this post or just kind of let it disappear into obscurity.

It's so important, though.

Isn't it?

I can't tell anymore.

Typically I see people with that stance use the label endo neutral or syscourse neutral.