IM HIGH AND IK GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

∘ PARAPHILE [anti-c] sadomaso . erotophono . lots-a more ;oP ∘ ILL ! cluster b . SZPD . AUDHD . pluralspec

-> 18+ ACCOUNT <-

have a bunch of stamps instead [credit in alt text] & also thez r my favorit homestuckz

I'm poking around for a para-friendly discord server and was wondering if you know any semi-active ones lol

Uhhh sick blog im a sideblog user so I cannot follow but know i am doing it in my heart 😔

Yooo! Thankz myduud

Paraphilic attraction to murder, mine iz mostly romantic in nature! ;o}

2. Why would you need a birdie to mention my theories about you to you when everything i think about you is in our DMs? If you mean T, i doubt i told him anything that i did not tell you. I tried to read as much from our conversations as i could, and didn't find anything there that seems like sth i did not also tell you.

3. I did want to say i didn't mention mixed feelings last time - but i checked our DMs and you are right, i did.

I did it because i kept thinking of your hate-love thing, and how your explanation of strong disgust but not hate did not make sense to me - considering the words' definitions.

4. I mentioned obsession as in being stuck on something. I'm not talking about what it is now, but i won't take back what i said then. Because again, it was confusing - to hear you talk about how you can be triggered intensely by something, and feeling traumatized by it, but not obsessed.

5. Also, no, i don't believe the disgust and your desire for my death are purely related to intercourse.

You've been having this animosity since before we've engaged in... Activites.

I almost forgot about this though, because you'd keep focusing on what we did when we met up in real life. But at that point, we've been talking for a month already, and you've already been cruel to me and called me pathetic.

And also, everytime you'd tell me to die, even if those times were after we met up irl, you wouldn't bring up what we did. You'd just call me pathetic.

The same word you'd use to describe my tendency to worry about things.

6. The reason i do not leave is not as romantic nor cute as you'd think. You're just the first person who engaged with my mind, and ideas, and the first person who's ever told me i am intellectually stimulating. Regardless of what you believe now, i realized that most people do not interact with me like that.

I cannot feel connection anymore but i need people to help me figure things out, to discuss with me, to take me seriously. Else, i am lost. Left only with people who either do not know how to respond to me, or who keep pitying me. Without explaining anything. It started to get really foggy. That realization was the moment i started reaching out more to you, and breaking more and more of my own ethical boundaries.

It's not that i do not wanna leave you alone, it is that i do not know how it'd be possible. I tried talking and meeting other people. And frankly, i do not wanna be shoved in a chair, being told how my mind is wrong, how everything i've thought of for years is wrong, how there's something wrong with my analysis of my brain, the only thing that's still keeping me somewhat sane.

And i know how much i risk with this anon, i do. So publish it, respond to it, or even save it and use it as a weapon against me.

Or maybe ignore it. But i know you'll probably read it anyway.

God you talk too fucking much dont you ever get tired of hearing yourself talk?

2. Yuknow I have shittass memory right?

3. The reason I told you that when I did was to make you feel bad. I don't actually give a shit, words are words, the hate I feel towards a lover is not the same as the hate I feel towards you. Sometimes I say shit, and you take it as the absolute godsend of proof. That's not how people areee D! People changeeee, D! I've changed. A lot. And honestly I don't care about some fuckass corny edgelord metaphor I made up when I was 17 ! Maybe that's hard for your little brain to process

4. Just because something doesn't make sense to you doesn't make it any less real. Fun fact, dumbass. That just means you're too dumb to get it!

5. Maybe I just wasn't ready to admit it yet. Also, my cruelty before the event was just because I was a little asshole back then in general. These days I try to limit it to people who deserve it

6. I don't care enough about you to try to "ruin your life" or whatever you think I'm gonna do with this. You're nothing to me but a shameful memory. Toodle-oo!

I know you said because you find me pathetic. And stuff.

But then... It's so different from how i view things.

I'd be happy if someone i hate and want to die would come crying to me and say how they're afraid to die

I'd see it as a form of courage, for them to confess that.

But instead, it seems to piss you off even more. If i was happy and not worried about life, you wouldn't want me to die, probably. It's kinda... Funny.

Also the reasons why I'd find myself worthy of death seem different than what you think. For me it's about stupidity, for you it seems to be something different.

Initially, i wanted to mention the "triggered" comment you made. Yeah, that triggered me, but also it was a genuine question since... I try to tone down my questions with people, but it never works out. No matter how little amount of questions i ask people, they find it too much - they consider it overthinking or overanalyzing, i feel like they are labels they use interchangeably. Somehow they rarely call me stupid even though the insult is right there - maybe i have more questions because my subconscious does not know how to quickly sepparate the relevant from the irrelevant.

So i was wondering what made you now see it as overanalyzing.

I also wanna know for how long you knew it was me. If you just realized - and told me to end it now - or if you've known for a while.

Dumbass you TOLD ME IT WAS YOU!!! Also I don't hate you because you're pathetic I hate you because you DISGUST ME! And I HATE what we did and I hate YOU and there's no fucking "mixed or confused feelings" about that you pathetic desperate waste of space ((a birdie told me of your 'theories' about me)

I don't like you and I'll never like you

What we did fills me with disgust and I hate thinking about it

Can you get that fucking drilled in your head

If I went in that hotel again, I'd feel disgust to be there again

Because i noticed something that does not make sense in context? Am i just supposed to see information as random?

Isn’t this the basis of communication? Paying attention to the words individually, then the words in context, and then cross-checking if things make sense?

And she is not really the type of woman who can hide her giggles.

Well, unless she is very interested in the other person. I doubt you would be her type though.