audentes fortuna iuvat

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god

they should invent a high ponytail that doesn’t give me a headache and they should invent a low ponytail that doesn’t make me look like a miller’s apprentice going off to enlist in the continental army

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

My friend really changed once she became a vegetarian 

its like ive never seen herbivore

i sighed so loud my mom asked me if i was okay and she’s two rooms away

i bet the pain will end if i arrange a perfect enough sentence about it

children are so fucking funny man. i just overheard a kid go “i just learned a new way to pinch, wanna see it? it hurts a lot more!” followed by a loud, notably pained scream

did you know that you can increase the quality of your quesadilla by adding seasoning

did you know that you can decrease the quality of your quesadilla by making a tumblr post while it's cooking and burning it

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

no mi circo no mis feratus