ArchMageEva

They don't like when minorities win or have power because then things might change in a way that doesn't make them comfortable

So it's much nicer for them to just sit and weep at the thought of our Noble Suffering

And I said, "oh, no, I'm sorry, I won't be spraying for spiders, I like them. I want to encourage them."

And he gave me kind of a weird look and was like "why?" And I was honest and said that they were my pest control, they take care of my mosquitoes and and and flies, and then I kind of laughed and said that I should stop because I know way too much about spiders and if he let me go I'd talk his ear off.

And then he made his fatal mistake and asked what I knew about spiders, and if I knew what kinds of webs he'd walked past to get on the porch and what spiders were in my yard.

A large friend:

Look, this is basically a kitten:

A goth icon.

Strong, independent women that I don't want to fuck with.

"Red Paper wasps? Those are very dangerous! They're very aggressive!" he sputters.

"Really? They seem to be quite placid." I indicated the Fine-backed Red Paper Wasp nest about 16 inches above his head under the eaves.

He stared.

I picked up a crumb of KFC from the porch shelf with my finger and held it up. One of the ladies investigated, then landed and sat on my finger and munched happily for a few seconds before returning to the nest.

"Would you like to see the common paper wasps? They've got a great nest going on the side of the garage."

Another pest control guy showed up and knocked on the door and mentioned that he does bug spraying and I just straight up said "oh i'm the crazy spider lady, I like the bugs, that's why I don't mow."

And he said "Well, do you have any rats or other rodents you need handled?"

And I said "No, we have a barn owl living out back. You should see my collection of rat skulls. Do you want an owl pellet?"

he has beautiful long hair

he deeply cares about the ecosystem and the life in it and you'll probably learn some more about it along with some cooking techniques after talking to him

he's fat but also strong which as a fat person myself i appreciate because it goes against the stereotype of fat people being physically weak/lazy, aka he's a hot hairy bear and fatphobia is dead (it isn't but let me dream)

i will go into minimal detail for those who haven't seen dungeon meshi but minor spoilers he nearly starved in a highly traumatic experience when he was young and his trauma inspired him to make sure that the youngins' in his life are well fed and never have to go through what he went through

he can be eccentric, goofy and loveable but he is also serious and genuine (and sexy) which i think can be seen in the contrast of how he looks with his helmet on vs off

i also think his habit of wearing hawaiian shirts in modern au art is really cute, he's weirdly stylish

Get her estrogen and a burger. Stat.

it's hard to make a coherent argument for phonological changes because text-based website. lets ignore that one lol

from a morphological and vocabulary-based standpoint, there's a few. consider "glup shitto" and "blorbo", as well as generalized affix fuckery like -"ito" as a diminutive, as examples of morphemes originally from tumblr. we also have the concept of the Sexyman (derogatory)

most of the really interesting tumblrspeak comes from syntax though. there is of course the oft-mocked, parodied, and misunderstood Tumblr Prose, where someone just sticks words together in an order that sort of conveys an aesthetic-based meaning as long as you don't think about it too hard and realize it doesn't make a whole lot of sense together

it's obvious what is being conveyed here even though the words barely function together. beyond Tumblr Prose, we also have Emphasis And Nounification Through Capital Letters, and its inverse where everything is lowercase unless it's being emphasized, as well as using sentences that while easily parseable by a reader do lack a lot of punctuation that would be desired by stricter english speakers often commas and periods. this last trait is particularly despicable considering the high amount of neurodivergence among tumblr users makes us very prone to run-on sentences anyway

there is also using "lol" and "lmao" similar to STOP on a telegraph, though it's hard to say how exclusive to tumblr this is

So in case anyone needs it:

WAM!

BAM!

POW!

VOTE FOR SENSHI!!!

He's sexy and will make sure you get your nutrients!!!