please offer my condolences to the chef

float like a butterfly (nervously forgets end of quote) green like a pea

maybe next year instead of amateur fireworks on every block for hours and hours we can try holding up a single beautiful flower

im fucking dying monty is just standing with a rock waiting for will to remember their kiss. he’s like remember your homosexual antics before i kill you with a rock to your head.

i love people so much that im trying to be one myself. its a bit crazy, i know…

crush totally wasn't impressed by my miraculous flying machine fml

oh my god i just saw her get onto an airship with a woman whose tophat has at least twice as many sprockets as mine. i will be killing myself with an elaborate pneumatic pistol tonight

all my haters become tomaters in my lovely summer garden

reading a good interesting book after a horrible reading slump and suddenly you can feel the sun shining again and the sky is more beautiful than ever and birds are all singing songs to you

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

Every time I go they put me in a chair and they say look into this machine there's a hot air balloon or a farmhouse in there and I do and I'm like you're right I see it and they're like yeah keep admiring that hot air balloon or farmhouse and I do and I'm like this shit's quaint as fuck and then do you know what happens next they attack me they jumpscare me with air directly into my eyeballs and i fall out the chair and they say sorryyyy but they're NOT they wanted this to happen they KNEW about the jumpscare well now I'm wise to it now I know better when I go in and they say look at this bodacious hot air balloon I'm like NO WAY DUDE that balloon wishes me harm have at thee and I attack them and push them on the ground and spit on them