The grief of loss is also staggering. I had a colleuge ask me if i would regret not spending more time with my family and i looked at her and was like "i dont get a choice any more." Not really. My one set of grandparents are in their 90s and sliding and my parents go over to see them weekly, bringing clovid with them multiple times a year bc none of them mask. My other grandparents also dont mask and LOVE dragging visitors out to crowded social events like nice dinner or going to movies which are covid hot spots.
My mom wants me to come over and watch movies, spend holidays with them, bake cookies with her etc but neither parents masks and have stated they refuse to mask in their own home (though my mom the last time offered to do so once so im unclear on that one). After my cat died last year, the only times ive been over to my parents house were to bury my guinea pigs next to my cat under the tree and spray paint shelves in the garage, all out doors and the last two times i masked up.
Im being excluded from family events like weddings and long weekends bc no one will wear a mask. No will accomidate me and therefore are the ones forcing me out and then get mad when I shut down offers.
I invited my mom to go with me to a concert that im risking things for but i told her the only way she coukd come woth me is if she masked EVERYTIME she left the house in n95. And im still going to end up masking in the car with her and i refused to stay in a hotel bc its about reducing risk exposure as much as possible. That mask is getting taped to my face and not taken off till my own door shut tight behind me.
Im grieving constantly. All the time. It never ends never goes away. Im grieving family. I semi-cut off someone i had considered a friend bc she refused to mask when i asked her to. Ive lost my brother all over again bc he and my sister in law are even worse then my parents somehow when it comes to sticking their heads in the sand and ognoring covid. Im grieving opportunities. Im grieving the level of health i used to have and will likely never get back bc if im right about whats going on woth me, there is no cure (accept excessive amounts of money and even then that still only make a difference for a teeny tiny amount of people).
Covid never ended and the big T trauma of that is still wrecking a bowling ball through society and most of society is ignoring it. I told the sa.e colleuge that asked me if i'll regret not spendi g time woth family that i give it five more years. I give it five more years before too much of society globally (too many wealthy white people) are so ill and disabled by covid that the tide will be forced the other direction.
But in that time? Im grieving for the children who will be born with covid-related health conditions that wont get proper care & wont even know somethings wrong bc they'll have never known a world wothout brain fog or muscle pain or getting sick 5 or 6 times a year. Im grieving for children who are already born that society has fucked over irrepairably. Children who will never know a world bwfore covid and might never know a world after it bc there might never BE an after.
I grieve for the queer community bc we already got ripped apart by HIV. But a huge swath of the current queer community looked at covid and went "not my problem" and have fallen into the cogs of the fascist machine. Like, no sorry fuck you i thought we knew better than that, some of us actually learned something from history.
I grieve for Native Americans and Indeginous groups across north america that were sent BODY BAGS instead of ppe and testing equipment. I grieve bc theyve already been forced to give up so much, and covid continues to take and take and take and the US and Canda dont help, only dig graves.
Covid is grief. Grief is covid.
