sleepy

Suicidal people will always exist and people who will always be suicidal exist and that is not inherently an issue that needs to be solved. But it becomes an issue when people are forced into it. Currently, suicide prevention involves institutionalizing suicidal people, telling them that they must survive, by any means possible, but so many of them have been told the opposite for their entire lives, implicitly or otherwise. Suicide prevention should involve working to improve society, making it a livable and survivable place for all people. Only then will the autonomy of suicide be achieved. Otherwise, so much of it is social murder.

The amount of times I’ve been approached in public when I have my cane and “prayed” for or have to then listen to a story about someone’s mom’s aunts friend… I would have enough nickels to get more medical research.

and that constantly putting the onus on the people who have to live with these illnesses to simply "get better" is an incredibly shitty thing to do

and that it's not "toxic" for chronically ill and disabled people to feel down, and occasionally talk about how down they feel, in a world which continually disregards their suffering and makes their lives much more difficult than they need to be, sometimes deliberately

and that telling these people that they continue to be ill only because they haven't tried a certain exercise, supplement, therapy or diet will only further damage their health by causing them stress

and that doctors are not only not infallible magic-workers, but are very often actively prejudiced against their patients; especially female patients and patients who belong to marginalised and minority groups

please just understand this and accept that the chronically-ill and disabled people you speak to know more about their health and their limitations and what works or doesn't work for them than you ever could

I am besieged by the affliction

The ritual was successful, but it has drained me. I need time to recuperate.

I can't do that, because of The Curse

Dark forces are conspiring within me. I must conserve my strength to battle them.

Are you forgetting that COVID was a mass disabling event? That COVID never "ended"? That COVID severely impacted millions?

My mom wants me to come over and watch movies, spend holidays with them, bake cookies with her etc but neither parents masks and have stated they refuse to mask in their own home (though my mom the last time offered to do so once so im unclear on that one). After my cat died last year, the only times ive been over to my parents house were to bury my guinea pigs next to my cat under the tree and spray paint shelves in the garage, all out doors and the last two times i masked up.

Im being excluded from family events like weddings and long weekends bc no one will wear a mask. No will accomidate me and therefore are the ones forcing me out and then get mad when I shut down offers.

I invited my mom to go with me to a concert that im risking things for but i told her the only way she coukd come woth me is if she masked EVERYTIME she left the house in n95. And im still going to end up masking in the car with her and i refused to stay in a hotel bc its about reducing risk exposure as much as possible. That mask is getting taped to my face and not taken off till my own door shut tight behind me.

Im grieving constantly. All the time. It never ends never goes away. Im grieving family. I semi-cut off someone i had considered a friend bc she refused to mask when i asked her to. Ive lost my brother all over again bc he and my sister in law are even worse then my parents somehow when it comes to sticking their heads in the sand and ognoring covid. Im grieving opportunities. Im grieving the level of health i used to have and will likely never get back bc if im right about whats going on woth me, there is no cure (accept excessive amounts of money and even then that still only make a difference for a teeny tiny amount of people).

Covid never ended and the big T trauma of that is still wrecking a bowling ball through society and most of society is ignoring it. I told the sa.e colleuge that asked me if i'll regret not spendi g time woth family that i give it five more years. I give it five more years before too much of society globally (too many wealthy white people) are so ill and disabled by covid that the tide will be forced the other direction.

But in that time? Im grieving for the children who will be born with covid-related health conditions that wont get proper care & wont even know somethings wrong bc they'll have never known a world wothout brain fog or muscle pain or getting sick 5 or 6 times a year. Im grieving for children who are already born that society has fucked over irrepairably. Children who will never know a world bwfore covid and might never know a world after it bc there might never BE an after.

I grieve for the queer community bc we already got ripped apart by HIV. But a huge swath of the current queer community looked at covid and went "not my problem" and have fallen into the cogs of the fascist machine. Like, no sorry fuck you i thought we knew better than that, some of us actually learned something from history.

I grieve for Native Americans and Indeginous groups across north america that were sent BODY BAGS instead of ppe and testing equipment. I grieve bc theyve already been forced to give up so much, and covid continues to take and take and take and the US and Canda dont help, only dig graves.

COVID has caused such a horrible amount of grief in so many ways and it's truly devestating. I've experienced my fair share of it regarding my own situation and plenty of grief for others. Every now and then I'll stumble across a post that talks about the lingering affect COVID had and the comments are full of people realising this is the answer as to why they're suffering and it makes me so so sad for them. Not only because of the loss of their health, but the fact it takes them so long to find answers and how so many of us still don't have answers.

I'm not american myself and wasn't aware the fact the native americans were given body bags. That's awful. They really have experienced so much loss, being given body bags for those COVID has taken instead of providing medical aid for fighting back against COVID by the source of so much of their suffering is deeply, deeply sad.

COVID has caused so so so much damage, it's devastating.

(apologies I didn't notice that there was a reblog I missed on top of the last one, my post format might look slightly weird but I'm replying to the first one below and the last one above)

You'd be right about the tags, it's something I don't mind sharing especially since I try to advocate for MECFS awareness in the few ways I can, I'm quite open about my experiences with chronic illnesses, although I do really appreciate the part you wrote in brackets especially given how common it is to be asked "what's wrong with you" and other requests for medical information from (usually) able-bodied folk haha

Are you forgetting that COVID was a mass disabling event? That COVID never "ended"? That COVID severely impacted millions?

Are you forgetting that COVID was a mass disabling event? That COVID never "ended"? That COVID severely impacted millions?