anyway here’s wonderwall

so i know i said regency AND victorian, so lemme explain real quick. project started off as regency, since a friend and i were talking about love for history and i sparked this project idea and just had to do it. then as i started my research into everything, i had a big decision to make regarding historical accuracy and geographical location of where my friend and i live. i wanted to fold the letter regency style, but a lot of the information i was gathering was victorian era AND if i chose to include an address on the letter, where we live didn’t exist in the united states yet and only came to be towards the late 1800s, but then that would mean letter folding wasn’t much of a thing anymore and people just used envelopes and i didn’t like that vibe as much. but also using a united states address probably wouldn’t be as historically well for regency too. THEN i also wanted to add a poem but the ones i find and quite liked ended up being from very late victorian or early edwardian eras so i just had to suck up my minor faults of accuracy to history and just make it as close as i can while still being an enjoyable gift to said friend.

anyways, here’s some of my progress and trials and practice! lots of cursive practice (yes i already knew cursive but it wasn’t as pretty as i desired), lots of dip pen and wax sealing practice. not pictured is my hours of letter drafting and research into how to talk/write like the time period.

and yes, that is mr darcy’s letter to lizzie that i recreated as practice (i knoww he wouldn’t have sealed and wrote like that because he had big boy money but just shut up)

also cursive??? can’t write M in cursive without seeing т and without writing it as cursive м

mom?

no, that’s actually тот silly

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dear boys,

i’ve felt a lot

and i’ve hurt a lot

but mostly i’ve learned a lot.

dear boys

i hope you learn as much as i have from you.

————

dear H

i still have never learned much about computers, but everytime i go to best buy or everytime my laptop breaks, i think of asking you for your knowledge.

and i know you always wanted me to play video games with you, like all the cute gamer couples on instagram, and i never did. i play more games now, games i never thought to play and ones you had bugged me for ages to play. you were right, i do enjoy them.

i still think of our sayings that developed over time, all the misspoken words and redeveloped sentence structures. they come to mind whenever i want to tell a new partner i love them or i want to playfully call them names, but it feels wrong to use these for a new person.

we played house, you played working husband, tired everyday but waking up to coffee and coming home to dinner and shared youtube videos. i played wife, making your morning coffee and dinner, working at the bank and trying to fix your problems as i out mine aside.

i think we were too young for this grown and settled life we tried to make. barely even 21, and you two years below.

i think i wanted the comfort of stability, or what tv showed me was stability, after years of opposite. but it always felt wrong, felt boring, felt unnatural for that time in my life.

i saw everyone around me going out and having fun, being trashy and silly and free and normal 29 something’s. i felt deep down that i was hiding from that, pretending to like being settled down and “old”. “i got all that out at 17”, i said, but i don’t think i really said it.

i hope you are getting to experience being a 29 something now, however that means for you. and i think in your own way you are, and i think i am too.

we were too young to be so old.

————

dear T

i don’t think we were very really much, maybe more of the in-between-other-people area.

you treated me with kindness, got me a soda bottle of flowers from an old man at a diner, gave me comfort after hard times. i cared for you, too drunk for your own good, and gave you comfort after hard times.

never official, but everyone thought we were. after a time of trying to correct, we just stopped because it was easier for the outside view.

i think not being official was good for both of us, a new dynamic to push us to where we needed to go without harsh rules.

a way for us to learn more about ourselves, even if it was just the baby steps of progress.

i can’t wait for you to find your next real thing, and i can’t wait for you to see me find mine.

————

dear M

you are the biggest impact on my life thus far.

you’ve taught me things about myself i never knew i could explore. never knew i could progress. never knew i could learn.

but our situation is hard, for me it’s never something i thought i would be caught in and for you it’s been your life for many years. after us, we are both parting ways with the situation, it’s too straining to feel that much.

you don’t put me down for my ideas.

you don’t put me down for my looks.

you don’t put me down for my abilities or lack thereof.

you teach me all the manly things i’ve wanted to do but never have a chance for.

you teach me to be stronger and scarier, more loving and considerate.

mostly though, you’ve taught me to never settle for less. and let me see what less was in my life and let me see what more was too.

i will be pickier for you, because i know my worth more now.

i will always carry you with me,

with your recipes i dare now ever share

with your twang that comes through every so often

with your loving support for mr dreams

and with your threats to anyone who treats me less than ever again.

————

dear boys,

you are the ones i never got to know but always wanted to.

the ones i acted too awkward around, hardly talked to out of fear for rejection, the ones that seem out of reach for being not your type in my kind.

you are gone from my heart but not forgotten, you are here still but not for long.

————

dear B

i saw you online for years, mutuals.

you were new but still safe enough to not be so scary and unvetted.

we don’t have all that much in common, only a few surface level things and people.

i think i was trying to push for something, anything in my life at that time and you were there.

i think it’s good much never worked out, although i would still see you as a friend if we happened across each other again.

i got a new part of my life from you, i hope you see on facebook that the cat is doing well always.

i hope you and your partner do well always, it’s good to see you got your connection.

————

dear S

you were my first crush here and i really tried not to. i didn’t come here for that.

you were nice, you were yourself, dork and all.

we’ve shared our handful of drinks out, it was nice exchanging car stories and stories of exes and general past life chaos.

you showed me your taste in music, and now those have been my top genres, songs, and artists for the last 8 months and counting.

i was not the right one. i wasn’t in the right space for anything and i think you could see that, and maybe i wasn’t the right one for you too.

i hope someday soon you can make your way back to the career you lived before pay took a hit and forced you out.

i hope you and your partner do well, it’s good to see you got your connection.

————

dear T

i’ve never known you much, only through mutuals at best. we’ve barely even talked.

you seem true though, real passions real feelings real life.

i hope to know you more someday, for now i can only know you through social media.

i can’t quite tell if there’s too many or too little similarities, and i can’t quite tell if that will cause problems or not.

sometimes i feel like i’m trying to be you too much, but that’s what having similar passions probably feels like when in a crush.

or maybe it’s not even a crush, but a longing for that shared passion that i gave up and desperately want back, and i am trying to live through your life.

time will tell.

i hope you continue to succeed and learn and i can’t wait to see what you accomplish.

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thanks for reading, i hope you found some connection in your own life and feelings with this, or maybe just had a fun time reading.

2010s era crime-with-a-side-of-comedy shows are on another level that we just don’t get anymore.

think white collar, chuck, lucifer, limitless (mostly the show that got cut, i have a preference over the movie), so many others. god they’re so good and we just don’t get this level of pure craftsmanship and excellence nowadays

toaster oven? mini oven. air fryer? mini oven. new ad for the ninja crispi? A MINI FUCKING OVEN

you know what works just as good and is generally free wherever you live? THE GODDAMN OVEN THAT COMES WITH YOUR APARTMENT