I Have No Idea 🙈 Do You?

How could it be that I could I would still want someone who’s made me feel pain. To still want that one person who broke me, and made me wanna cry every single night. I don’t understand. I miss his voice, our phone calls to each other, face time video chats being able to mellow out each other. I love... er loved him... idk. He’s my best friend how am I supposed to cut him off / out of my life. When he’s been there for me, he’s seen me at my worst.. I’m not so sure of myself anymore

I don’t like talking to people who make me feel sad. I don’t like talking to the person who promised they would never hurt me. He hurt me so bad. He doesn’t understand, and probably never will. I told him I wanted him to just be “happy” just as friends or something more I didn’t care. He took advantage of how vulnerable I was, and he ruined he was before, his lack of trust on women or future partners. I did nothing wrong, but it will always feel like I did. I let him in, I decided to take him somewhere, where I could trust him, and see what I saw. He basically laughed, and stepped on the emotions I’ve been afraid for people to see or let them into my life. I don’t like feeling stupid, he made me feel stupid, and never brings me happiness anymore. He just makes me cringe, and is a reminder to walk away. Not worth my time. I can’t handle him without breaking down... he’s become someone toxic, and something I will not have.

Creating wounds... leaving them open for a while, but learning how to close them. Learning that my trust is not from stupidity. Learning to keep going, that they’re will be more wounds, experiences, memories that will stay with me forever. I will not forget them, to let become who I am. These wounds are like treasures, they remind me how I overcame everything .. heartbreak, health, career path.. I will not stop

His name use to warm me up, now it simply terrifies me.

I miss his voice. I miss the way it made me feel. Safe. Secure. But now all it brings is sadness. His voice at 11pm, and stay up til 4 am. His voice that would tell me things, that would make me anxious. His voice that made me want him. His voice now that I lack. I don't hear it. And all I can ask is if I did something wrong. His voice haunts me. His voice gave me hope, but I lost it. His voice that I miss.

Cause Ashley Dun is a queen 👑 of pure, raw emotion, feelings& love that she used to create all her poems.. this one is pretty special. I love it. I use to think there was something wrong with me, I could not control my anger, my emotions, and I was depressed 24/7. It's okay to seek help, to be able to move past it at your own pace, to be able to live and breathe for another day. To welcome a new with hope on my mind.

It's not. People who make you sad, and show no way that they love you back is sad. It's sad your giving your all to one person, and that one person truly doesn't care. They don't care, they ignore how you feel,and use that to there adavantage to make you do things you'd regularly wouldn't say or do. It's not worth it. It's saddening because you'll never get that love you wanted back, but look like a fool in the end