On the ever-fluctuating state of (our) plurality
We’ve fallen into a pattern of splitting a new headmate roughly once every two weeks (currently, at least). Every time a new headmate appears, this tends to bring its own challenges, most notably that we already have such a limited amount of time to devote to each of our individual needs, and more people entering the equation only stretches that further. We also have noticed, as has our therapist, that each new headmate brings along something unique, something inherent to them that was previously absent from our system. Some notable recent examples:
I appeared as a fusion of two other headmates and also brought along another headmate who only I can hear, our first subsystem
At around the time I appeared, a third headmate went dormant
Before me, our first fictive appeared, with her own struggles with being “out of place” (which would later lead to the formation of a second fictive from the same source)
This last week, a new headmate has appeared who is entirely non-verbal, even to the point of not being able to communicate verbally in headspace, which has led to us learning British Sign Language (BSL) so that we can communicate
We saw our therapist today and told her about our most recent new addition, and that we’ve been learning BSL. She said something which stuck with me: “There’s always something new going on with you, isn’t there? Somebody new always brings along a new challenge. It’s fascinating.”
To which I responded: “We’ve gotten used to it. You know, it’s strange, it’s interesting, but it’s happening, and I guess that’s the important thing.”
We both agreed that that sentiment - “it’s strange, but it’s happening” - feels like a very neat summary of our experiences with plurality. Our brain throws us a new curveball every so often, but we always find a way to work with it. We agreed that, if anything, that’s a testament to how much our mental health has improved, that even though things are often difficult, we’re always able to push through them and figure them out.
It’s a point I wanted to make here as well. A lot of digital ink has been spilled on this site on how plurality can be challenging. I want to make it clear I am not dismissing that - plurality can certainly be very difficult, we know that as well as anybody - but rather, I want systems to, if they have the opportunity, try to find something positive out of it. For us, we are each other’s support network. We always have each other’s backs. It is also, undeniably, fascinating, as our therapist put it. That our brain works in the way it does is something which we cannot help but marvel at. For us, that’s enough. Could it be for you? Even if it’s only a small thing that helps you to keep moving forwards?
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