nephesh

Make her pussy wet not her eyes.

Make his dick hard not his life

Break her bed not her heart

play with her boobs not her feelings

Get on his dick not his nerves.

always salt your pasta while boiling it 

knock knock!  AVOCADO avocado who “avocado si paraluman nung tayo ay bata pa…” 

honestly “i’ll do whatever you want” “then perish” is the single most powerful exchange possible in the english language and it’s from some bizarre “hewwo” obama rp

And there was that other post where someone dreamt that Obama said “violence for violence is the rule of beasts” like what is it about Obama that makes people come up with such raw fucking dialogue for him

my mother had a dream where he lived in the forest and she had a cigarette with him and he said “to become god is the loneliest achievement of them all” and put it out and walked into the mist and i’ve never fucking forgotten that

I once dreamed that a giant meteor was headed for earth, and the government had set up loudspeakers throughout the cities so Obama could give a final address - I’ll never forget how strangely comforting it was when he said “there are places we’ve never been before. Some of us have never been to the Alps, some of us have never been to Marrakesh. The next life is simply another place we’ve never been before, and we’re all going to go explore it together.” 

I had a dream my family housed the Obamas for a weekend and one morning Obama made us oatmeal for breakfast and, looking at my disappointed face because I don’t like oatmeal, he said “regardless of what we taste, if we eat together, we are happy.”

Once I dreamt that Michelle Obama was running a campaign to give homes to all the feral pigeons and her husband came to my house and gave me a pamphlet that just had a picture of a pigeon on it and he looked me in the eyes and said “who would you be without them?”

K

I actually think this was pretty responsible. Rather than banning it outright, which would result in kids wanting to rebel even more, she offers it in her home where she can control the amount people drink. Good on ya, Mrs George. You’re a cool mom.

She also offered her daughter a condom when she was hooking up with a guy instead of freaking out and kicking the guy out of the house.

It’s kinda funny how she is simultaneously an out-there parent, yet not a bad one. She might actually understand that her daughter is a anger-ridden teenager who can’t be easily controlled and restricted, so instead of telling her what she can’t do, she tries to guide her to a safer decision. I’m not saying I’m 100% cool with how she executes it, but hey, not a bad parent when you think about it. 

next up on tumblr: psychoanalysing the mean girls mother.