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Paige vs. Sasha Banks AKA

Blocking people.  Why it’s okay.  Why you should do it.

I’m going preface this by saying that I used to be a bad person.  Not even “kind of a bad person” suffices.  My behavior in years past fills me with shame.

I briefly touched on this in a comic I made in 2008, but it’s subject I fully intend to explore completely in a future book.  Here are the bare bones facts: I was in pain, and I thought I could relieve myself of this pain by inflicting it on others.  If I could feel superior, in any way? I felt it might stem the tide of self loathing and anxiety that haunted my every thought.

Even after college I behaved poorly.  Which I also have already written about here!

So when I say you should block people..?

…I’m speaking as an ex-bully.  An ex-harasser.  An ex-abuser.

Anita Sarkeesian elaborates on the methodology of these people here

But when someone goes out of their way to leave nasty comments? first of all it has nothing to do with you (despite how personal these attacks often are) - and secondly it’s essentially a kind of sport for them.  The goal of the game is upset you as much as possible by any means necessary.  But that sport is ruined the second you take control.

You can do this by mocking their attempts - and this can be pretty fun - but it invites them to proceed and play dirtier.  The easiest method of taking control is through blocking.  If they come back with a new screen name?  Block them again.  If they recruit people to harass you?  Block them too. If you want to block someone the second they become rude?  Go ahead.  After all it’s best to ignore rudeness in real life, right? so why wouldn’t you ignore it online?

The blocking technique is reviled by the online-abuser community as a shallow, cowardly act.  You know why?  Because it works. There is no defense against being blocked save for obsessive planning/plotting that makes you question your own sanity - or criminal acts.

There are rare occasions where you can help these people

Having been in their shoes I often try to appeal to online-abuser’s humanity.  As monstrous as their behavior/words are, we have to remember that they are people, and they are in pain.  This American Life has a great episode on this approach.

But in the end - it is not your job to provide therapy/education to an abusive person.  Furthermore, blocking does in fact teach a lesson.  It teaches them that you won’t be harassed.  And you teach yourself that you are worthy of respect.  Not everyone knows that they should be respected, especially victims of bullying.  But you are.

Your experience matters.  Your values matter.

Your happiness matters.

And if people aren’t going to respect that?  And it’s your profile?  Your post? Your feed?  Then they aren’t worth your time. And yes - in your life you will have people who disagree with you.  You will have people who passionately debate you.  You may even simply be wrong about a certain subject.  But that does not mean we should tolerate bullies.

1976 Marvin Gaye by Annie Leibovitz

And THAT’s….PERFECT