I recently started a second job watching kids at an after school program, and I noticed a lot of the boys in the program don’t follow strict gender roles when it comes to aesthetics. Like a lot of the boys wear sparkly gloves or shirts with sequins on them or come to school with painted nails, which is nice, don’t get me wrong I think it’s great to see little boys not being raised to think they have to adhere to strictly masculine aesthetics in how they present themselves and I think that’s progress and should be celebrated.
Howeverrrrr it kinda feels like it just stops at aesthetics, like the boys still get away with being much, much, louder and more aggressive than the girls do and get away with more violent behavior and saying more vulgar things than the girls do, they’re not as willing to pick up after themselves, usually when I tell a room full of kids that they need to pick up their toys before leaving the girls will jump up and do it without a fight but the boys will pout and yell and throw a fit and almost never pick up after themselves without putting up a fight, if they do it at all (yes even here in supposedly oh so “gender equal” Iceland there’s still problems with double standards like this in schools)
And it makes me think how it’s really, really important that when we try to raise kids equally so they don’t follow toxic gender norms that we don’t limit it just to aesthetics. If an adult man wears eyeliner and paints his nails but still expects his wife or girlfriend to cook for him and clean up after him like she’s his maid, and still has violent / aggressive behavior, then he’s still a product of toxic masculinity. Yes, let little boys wear sparkles and paint their nails, that’s wonderful and I’m always happy to see it, but also make sure little boys are taught they need to equally pick up after themselves and clean and not just leave it to the girls, and make sure they’re taught that violence and aggression isn’t okay and they should approach others with kindness and gentleness.
