My pumpkin patch

I am not a gardener.

Though I know I should be.

Everything I’ve tried to plant has died.

Though that’s not a reason not to try.

I would rather be a tree, dropping seeds for others to plant

Though that’s not how this works at all

I’m scared that trying will do more harm than good

Though I know these are excuses

I am very much not a gardener.

The flood receded the other day

Though you wouldn’t be able to tell

Everything is still wet

Deep puddles scatter the grass at my feet

I’ve given up on finding the house

I don’t really want to be there anyway

There is no comfort here

The winds make everything cold

I have to adapt

I have to make changes

I have to learn how to live here

Today’s flood is still receding

But yet I am pulled away from my shore

There’s no real rest here

Another objective

Another shore I must reach

I’m tired

Moving is hard

I don’t want to go on

I don’t want to swim anymore

But I can’t stay here

The whole house is in a state

So it’s hard to maintain the faucet

Today it got out of control

It opened all the way up

While I was actively trying to fix it

One moment I was finding the leak

The next there was nothing but water

It suffocated me instantly

I could feel it weigh on my chest

Then I heard a bird telling me to breathe

So I followed its call back to the surface

I swam for a while looking for a place to rest

Until I found a shore

I’ll lay here a while I think

I’m not sure what else I can do

It seems as though I’ve gone somewhere

I don’t know where I’m at though

Or even how I got here

I woke up here

But it doesn’t feel like I’ve slept at all

I’m so unbelievably tired

I’ve got to figure out what I’m doing

I’ve never been here before

And I’m scared

But there’s no time to be tired

I’ve got to figure out what I’m doing

I am sitting on the roof again.

I think I fear what’s in the house right now

I have a lot going on in there

A lot of things are being “renovated”

A lot of things I can’t get out

It’s cluttered and sometimes isn’t safe

But soon the roof won’t be safe either

There’s something coming in the distance

It’s feels like a storm but not quite

No terrifying clouds

No dramatic flashes of lighting

No ominous crash of thunder

Only winds

Wind that grow stronger by the day

I fear what they bring

It’s not safe up here anymore

Im stuck on a specific train today

The train is enormous

It goes on for miles

It doesn’t stop at any station

It just barrels through roaring loudly

It moves so fast I cant stand up

Keeping me firmly planted in my seat

I don’t want to be on this train

It should be up to me

But I can’t move

I sat down in a seat and now I’m stuck

Waiting for it to run out of fuel

I’m supposed to be driving

Why did it start with out me?

Why am I not driving?

There is a bird inside my truck

She sings to me everyday

She chirps happily when I call her beautiful

And caws angrily at the news

Her tweets are sweet and soft

They ring cozily in my ear

There’s a bird in my truck

I don’t want to live like this anymore

It’s too much for me to handle

I can’t take being a disappointment or a burden

To the people I love most

It hurts too much that nothing I do makes things better

And that everything I do makes things worse

I don’t want to live like this

My girlfriend looks like a snack today

That's a lie

She's the whole meal folks

Unfortunately we have things to do

But she glows in that dress

And is sweet as candy

I can't wait to have a taste

When we don't have things to do

Oh how great I think that would be

I could be sturdy and reliable

I could be a home to feel safe in

I could drop seeds and help my children grow

I could drop fruit that brings joy to others around me

I think if I were a tree I could make people happy

I wish I was a tree

I was tagged by @aprilfoolfrog. Show your 10 favorite movies with gifs. Mine are : the dark Knight rises, inglorious basterds, mha two heroes, song birds and snakes, avengers endgame, ff7 advent children, moulin rouge, Star wars episode 3, and lotr return of the king

I don’t think people like me

And I don’t think I blame them

Some for good reasons

Some for no reason at all

Some of them I love

Some I’ll never meet

I don’t blame people for not liking me

I haven't written in a while

I've been storing ideas away

That's kind of a lie

But only kinda

Motivation is hard to come by these days

I don't know if it's because of blood sugars

Or just the depression