When We're Too Close

They had other people than their 13 year old child to complain to and whinge to about their shitty abusive husband- who they were actively subjecting the child to anyway. Adult people who could've supported them and taken care of them, given them advice and recourses to leave perhaps?

But no.

They actively made the choice to put their needs above yours and use you for their own comfort, no matter the cost to you. Did they protect you? No. Not from the terrifying man you were forced to live with, let alone themselves. They just wanted someone to make them feel better about choosing to continue to live in misery.

So if your kid learns, for example, that helping mom make dinner = getting in the way, but not helping = being lazy, but asking if mom needs help = being annoying and asking stupid questions, then you have basically trained a person to see the only option that doesn't lead to scolding as 'hide and don't be thought of until dinner is done'. So now what relationship is your kid going to have with cooking or cleaning or chores in general? How is that going to affect them as an adult?

If there is no right answer regarding the things that bother a parent, then your kid is going to associate those things with being punished no matter what they do. If talking during a car ride is bad and annoying, but being quiet and staring out the window is bad and disrespectful, then what are they going to do every time they're in the car with you but count every word they say? If texting is suspicious, but why don't they have friends, but going out with people is irresponsible, but why don't they ever leave their room, but their friends are all bad influences, but why did they stop hanging out with them, they were nice kids, then what are you even doing?