* LUCKY CHARM

[ ☘ ] ┄ ENGIMONO.  as  interpreted  by  kay.  21+.  independent ,  private  ,  selective  roleplay  blog  for  MAKOTO NAEGI   from  the  DANGANRONPA  series.    discord  available  upon  request  for  mutuals.  

@liedux​/​@casecmplx​​​:  reverse  +  [ tears ]  uwu    //   sent from:   ultimate affectionate gestures compilation

                HOPE NEVER FELT SO FAR FROM REACH !

     There was  nothing  left to do except wait until the digital countdown of the podium’s dashboard reached  zero.

     From the beginning of the investigation to the current voting period, every passing minute was yet another  tribulation  to endure and further fostered a  formidable  sense of fear – the likes of which he’d never known during the killing game. Nothing had prepared him for the  stomach-turning  sight in the hydraulic press or the crippling distress that overtook him when the subsequent body discovery announcement failed to summon one student in particular. The day prior had been filled with  heartfelt  promises and their  idealistic  ambitions beyond the academy’s walls,  blissful  murmurs and tender touches no longer making any effort to conceal their  partiality  for each other. Not once had there been any portent of the  horror  that awaited Naegi during the following morning, and that was what  scared  him most.

     The existing evidence didn’t paint a clear picture of what happened and the truth only became even more  enigmatic  when the Exisal entered the courtroom. Hearing Momota’s voice first come out of the Exisal had been a  shock  to everyone in the courtroom but little had prepared him for the sound of Ouma’s voice as well. The reaction had been so  visceral,  his heartbeat  racing  so fast that he thought it might burst and mouth becoming so dry that he could only  weakly  speak his rival’s name. Every new development carried the risk of emotional  whiplash, torn between his  tenacious  desire to unearth the truth and a  selfish  wish to see Ouma alive again. Shaking hands could only be steadied by occupying themselves on either side of his podium when Harukawa admitted that an attempt had been made on Ouma’s life, armed with poisoned arrows and  unadulterated  hostility. Overwhelming relief had washed over him when she went on to admit that she’d seen Ouma drink the antidote intended for Momota. The trial had been  taxing  to endure but with every expectant glance made in the Exisal’s direction, Naegi became  emboldened  by his inner resolve to see the case through to its end --- not unlike any of the other trials that had preceded it.  

     Rebuttals and rational counterarguments were made in Ouma’s name, cried out with  vigour  and  assertiveness  that had been repurposed from his earlier sense of dread. The sequence of events was stripped apart,  diligently  deconstructed and examined alongside the other members of the class. In spite of the ambiguity and multiple layers to the case’s  complex  narrative, however, the blurred motivations of the Exisal’s pilot gradually developed and gained greater clarity. Monokuma had no way of knowing the culprit’s identity with absolute certainty and it was with that revelation did Naegi finally understand the crux of the case ---- the same point in which the decision was made to pledge his own  faith  towards the culprit’s apparent plan. Regardless of Ouma’s role in the case, whether he was in the Exisal or not, all he knew was that the  integrity  of the impossible case had to be preserved and he had to be  complicit  in its proceedings.  

     No closing argument was made, not one that provided any additional  lucidity  for the others or Monokuma. The opportunity was squandered and when Naegi was called on for his final conclusions, a  glowing  testimony of Ouma was given that underscored the supreme leader’s importance and his  admiration  for the other’s strengths. He passionately spoke of how  meaningful  Ouma’s presence was, how much of an asset Ouma had been during past trials and how  lucky  he was to have known the supreme leader. There was no well-constructed rationale or any pertinent information about the case itself, only a  long-winded  monologue about his rival’s positive attributes before he was eventually written off as  biased  and  unhelpful.  Now, with the case at a  stalemate, the voting time began and the seconds trickled away.  

     Several glances had been exchanged amongst his classmates but Naegi quietly shook his head at their pointed looks towards their podiums, a silent  plea  to dissuade them from voting and maintain the air of uncertainty that had been so carefully crafted. Nervousness was smothered beneath confidence, exhibited at the forefront to covey his  conviction  in hopes that the others would feel the same way. There was still a risk that he was wrong or Monokuma knew more than he was letting on. Although he was not one to depend on his appointed talent for any particular outcome, Naegi made an exception and privately  begged  for fortune’s good favour in one last bid to secure their success --- for the sake of his classmates and for Ouma’s sake. The final few seconds of the countdown was spent looking at the tinted glass of the Exisal,  hardened  stare becoming  soft  as they held on whomever was at the controls. A  painful  pang surged in his chest at the thought of the two possibilities before the voting period ran its course and concluded with the familiar tune.  It  was  over.

     There were no votes, and no  verdict  from Monokuma. The impossible case remained unsolved and the killing game had reached an  impasse. Both Ouma and Momota had succeeded but the question remained as to whom was still  alive  to savour the victory. The Exisal’s pilot was safe and as the cockpit unlocked to open, Naegi took a  hesitant  step towards the machine’s imposing stature. As much as he tried to bridle his expectations, the final reveal was too  overwhelming  of a moment to calmly tolerate. Emotions ran high and Naegi’s reaction was just as  strong  as it’d been at the beginning of the trial, if not  stronger.

                                                                      ❝  K-Kokichi !  ❞

    Deaf and blind to all else, hurried footsteps closed the distance between them and arms wrapped  tightly  around Ouma’s form. The force of the hug pulled his counterpart against him without giving the other much say otherwise, nearly lifting Ouma off the ground as Naegi  buried  his face against violet-hued hair and surrendered himself to all that emotions that struck him in the wake of their reunion. After the  extended  absence and his mind frequently drifting to the  worst  possible scenario, it felt  surreal  to feel Ouma in his arms again but he still  cherished  it as a miracle. He didn’t want to let go. He feared that if he did, Ouma would  disappear  once more and leave him nothing but empty air. He couldn’t let that happen, not again.

                                                            Never  again.

     With a  shaky  breath did he pull back from their embrace to look at Ouma directly, tears of happiness flowing freely and  dampening  his cheeks as hazel eyes unwaveringly held onto their counterparts. No effort was made to wipe them clean from his face but there was no need to, not when his rival was willing to take care of them himself. Ouma leaned in to  gently  kiss them away and Naegi let him, his hands moving to frame the supreme leader’s face and tenderly thumb along the sides. Impatience  conquered  him in the end as Ouma’s head was maneuvered towards his, their lips fervently pressing together in a  torrid  kiss that channeled all the pent-up sentiments endured throughout the trial. New tears could be felt at the edges of his eyes but he paid them no mind. All he cared to know was Ouma --- the taste, the touch, sight, the sound, the smell, and the taste; in that moment, all he  needed  to feel was Ouma there with him and  nothing  else.

     ❝  I thought that I lost you. I  couldn’t  … I didn’t  want  to think about it. You should have told me ---- something,  anything.  I  wanted  to believe it was you in that Exisal. I  wanted  to believe it but I didn’t  know.  ❞   

     Words were  clumsily  spoken on the cusp of a breath, voiced only when lungs burned with the need for air and forced them apart. Ouma’s justification for not telling him about the plan was surely  logical, likely founded on an entirely understandable form of reasoning but a spark of  irrational  anger alighted within him regardless. In their close proximity, eyes flickered over the other’s features to appreciate  every  detail and commit them all to memory. The close call had been nearly  unbearable  but as their foreheads pressed together and the growing lump in his throat was swallowed down, Naegi finally felt  solace  from the realization that Ouma was still with him a little longer.   

━━    teeth    grit   in   anger   as   he   mentions   that ;  but   despite   the   angered   flush   that   comes   to   his   face,   he   feels   his   blood    freeze  ;   form   slightly   tensing   up as   makoto   takes   on   such   a   frigid   tone   with   him.   he   feels   like   a   child,   one   who’s   been   caught   doing   something   they   shouldn’t.   but –   despite   that   spike   in   emotion   for   a   moment,   he   refuses   to   tear   his   gaze   up   from   the   podium.   he’s   being   tested –  he   can   feel   it.   this   is   the   final   hurdle   for   them   to   get   over —   only   this   time,   ouma   isn’t   sure   he   wants   to   finish.   

━━    when   makoto   offers   him  appraisal   for   what   he   did –   it   feels   as   if   a   great   weight   has   been   placed   on   top   of   his   chest.   no   longer   was   it   a   brave   sacrifice   on   kaito’s   end –  he’d   killed   him.   he’d   killed   him   and   gonta   to   try   and   stop   this   killing   game –   but   all    along   he’d   played   right   into   makoto’s   hands.   a   faint   noise   is   strangled   out   before   it   can   leave   him,   being   forced   down   as   quickly   as   it   came.   the   shame   of   having   put   so   much   belief   in   himself –   when   all   he’d   done   was   give   makoto   the   fascinating   specimen   to   study  –   it   made   him   feel   sick.    but   still –   he   didn’t  look.  he   refused   to   give   makoto   that   much –   he   didn’t   want   to   see   that   menacing   glare   in   the   eyes   he   trusted   infinitely   mere   minutes   prior. 

━━   he   listens   to   him   discuss   the   motives   he   had   for   this.  he   can’t   help   but   wonder   in   that   moment   if   it   was   makoto’s   luck   that   rendered   him   such   a   talented   manipulator –  perhaps   he’d   extended   the   same   false   love   offered   to   kokichi   to   SOMEONE   ELSE.   he   couldn’t   help   but   mull   it   over –   especially   when   makoto   seemed   to   have   experience   in   this   field.    he   almost   wanted   to   laugh   about   it,   feeling   that   same   rush   of   anxiety   threaten   to   overwhelm   him.   he   finally   speaks   up   after   such   a   long   period   of   silence,   him   in   this   moment.   but –   what   would   it   help   achieve?    all   it’d   do  was   satisfy   makoto –   he   assumed.   there   was   a   blissful   glee   in   his   tone –   one   that   held   no   care   for   anyone   in   the   world.   not   even   him.   it   stung –   made   all   the   kind   words    the   lucky   student   had   offered   him –   ones   he   held   onto   for   support   –   be   VEHEMENTLY   REJECTED –   thrown   away   like   they   were   worthless.  

━━    within   a   split   second   he   can   feel   the   other’s   gazes   fall   on   him –  too   many  eyes   focused   on   him   in   this   moment –   did   they   expect   something   from   him?   he   felt   like   he   could   offer   nothing   to   them   in   this   moment.   he   felt    vulnerable –   alone   and    isolated   during   the   one   time   he   needed   companionship   the   most –   and   that   was   such   a   twisted   irony.   he   finally   spoke   after   what   felt   like   an   infinite   period   of   silence   from   someone   as   social   as   himself  –   the   silence   only   broken   once   he   felt   like   he   had   anything   worth   saying.    and   even   then –   it   was   barely   anything   special.  “   people   don’t   like   those   who   lead   them   astray –   even   if    it’s   to   “help”   them.  “   after   that,   he   went   back   to   entirely   focusing   on   the   podium   ever   still –   having   not   even   bothered   moving   his   gaze  away   from   it.   he   knew   now   that   this   was   apparently   to   help   them   all,   but   that   was   wrong.   the   idea   of   that   alone   was   enough   to   baffle   him –   he   was   so   confused   that   makoto   thought   it   was   actually   anything   more   than   some   horrible,   horrible   joke.

━━   but   when   makoto   mentions   being   in   their   situation   before,   he   racked   his   brain    to   try   and   figure   out   what   that   could   possibly   mean.  had   this   happened   before?   he   didn’t   understand   how   that   could   be   possible –   or   what   the   possible   motive   for   that   one   could’ve   been.   if   makoto   hadn’t   been   in   charge   of   it –   then   who   had   been?   kokichi    had   seen   a   lot   of   UGLINESS   in   the   world –  but   something   on   this   level   left   even   him   at   his   wits   end.   what   would   happen   if   the   world   was   like   this?   if   it   was   just   a   series   of   these   horrible   games,   testing   who’d   live   or   die?  it    made   it   somehow   harder   to   believe   any   future   was   lying   out   there   for   them   now.   all   they   were   now   were   simple   pawns   in   this   killing   game –   awaiting   their   fates   if   they   didn’t   have   enough  hope   to   survive   this   game.   even   with   his   determination –   having   steeled   himself   against   the   horrors   of   the   world –   he   felt   nothing   more   than   unbridled   fear   and   anxiety   in   this   moment –   anger   coursing   hot   through   his   veins   on   top   of   it   all.    

━━    he   hated   how   that   was   worded –   all   of   this   was   some   horrible   test.   they   had   passed   this   test   too –   with   “flying   colors”.   he   didn’t  like   the   idea   of   finishing –   since  it   was   clearly   what   makoto   wanted.  so,    instead   of   thinking   about   his   freedom –   he   was   thinking   about   an   alternative   way   to   get   out   of   this    without   giving   makoto   what   he   wanted.   “   for   now,   right?  “    he   asked,   quietly,   looking   at    himiko   from   the   side,   watching   as   her   eyes   directed   towards   makoto.   he   refused   to   follow   her   gaze –   silently   taking   her   fear   and   misery   in   with   despair   and   empathy.   “   we’re   humanity’s   new   hope –   if   we   get   out.  “   he   corrected   him   as   if   it   was   natural,   already   thinking   about   whether   or   not   getting   out   would   be   worth   it –   if   not   only   in   a   sickeningly   spiteful   way.  .  

              LONG  REIGN  HIS  DISCIPLES  OF  HOPE  &                  MAY THEY DELIVER EVERYONE FROM DESPAIR !

     to lead others towards a  certain  outcome may not have been a choice that was  popular  but it was  necessary, regardless of whether or not it gained the favour of those that were recipients to his guidance. had naegi not felt such  euphoria  and  exhilaration  towards the killing game’s final battle between the mastermind and the participants, eyes would have rolled at ouma’s  criticism  but his high spirits  snuffed  out the urge and disregarded the other’s comment as an emotional response. ouma wasn’t  cognizant  of the killing game’s overarching benefit but with time, maybe the supreme leader would be able to  liberate  himself from the narrow viewpoint and appreciate the gift of  HOPE  that had been bestowed to them all. one day, they would all understand how much effort had been invested towards their futures; one day, they’d understand the extent of the ultimate lucky student’s  sacrifice  and come to terms with the  necessity  of the killing game ---- some would learn  sooner  than others, but naegi had long since accepted the fact. to assume the role of the mastermind was always going to be a  thankless  job.

     not to mention, since his pivotal confrontation with  junko  enoshima  at hope’s peak academy, he’d always considered himself to be living on  borrowed  time  anyway.

     regardless of ouma’s current stance on his motives, however, his rival’s comportment struck him as a little  odd. the absence of eye contact, notwithstanding, the request for reiteration wasn’t a  perfect  reflection of what had just been said and the error brought naegi’s head to angle inquiringly. for as long as they’d known each other, ouma wasn’t one to overlook  pertinent  details or blatantly ignore opportunities for  elucidation.  given the pandemonium incited by the epiphany, however, there was a  slim  chance that the other had simply  misheard  him and there were no qualms to be had with  honest  mistakes.  misunderstandings could be  corrected  and in spite of his newly revealed identity, insistently did he remain ever willing to help out his  beloved  counterpart in any way he could.

     ❝  ‘ when ’ you get out, actually ---- it’s an  important  distinction. sorry, maybe i didn’t make that clear.  my  mistake.   ❞

     no attempt was made to hide the  piercing  look of narrowed eyes or  blunt  the clipped edge to his words,  vexed  by the supreme leader’s decision to indirectly speak to him without the courtesy of eye contact; as implausible as it was, himiko yumeno was apparently more deserving of the  honour  than he was. a deep breath was taken in to better manage his frustration, ignoring the growing  soreness  of his fingers as they curled hard against the edges of his podium. with the  unravelling  of the killing game and the reveal of the mastermind, they didn’t have the  luxury  of time to  entertain  grudges; ouma should have realized that and the fact that he remained committed to his  childish  cause only served to disconcert naegi further. all he could do was move the conversation forward as per the final trial’s scripted structure and keep everyone focused on their  next  steps, with or without ouma’s eyes on him.

     ❝  speaking of which, i was thinking about how this trial is more of a  formality  than anything so i’ve got an idea –-- hear  me  out.  ❞    a beat of silence passed for  dramatic  effect, quickly scanning the room to ensure that the majority of the class’ interest was captured with the pending proposal; to ask for everyone’s attention was arguably still too  steep  of a demand.    ❝  see, i was thinking that maybe we could just  skip  over the rest of the trial and save everyone the trouble. all of you  already  know who i am so there’s really nothing left to debate, right ?  we don’t have to  waste  time with rebuttals or going head-to-head with each other until we’re blue in the face. we can just go ahead and cut  straight  to the chase. all you need to do is take care of  one  last  thing  and you’re free to leave this school behind. the  sooner  you do, the  sooner  you can move on with the rest of your lives --- everybody wins.  ❞

          ( WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT ME ?                WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT ME ?                     WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT ME ? )

     teeth gritted  hard  behind the curve of his smile, closed lips concealing the  indignation  that threatened to leak through the cracks of his  cheery  veneer. no small amount of willpower was mustered to veil his aggravation for ouma’s audacity during the trial but as his tongue swept over his lips, naegi’s focus was forcibly  ripped  away from the supreme leader to deliver the final instructions for those who were willing to lend him their attention. there wouldn’t be a final battle waged between  good  and  evil,  no  climactic  war between  despair  and  hope. the mastermind’s fate had already been decided but as per the rules, certain  procedures  had to be abided by for consistency; fortunately for the remaining survivors, the last task was remarkably  straightforward  and all too  familiar.

     ❝  vote  me  out.  no  tricks,  no  risk  of  a  wrong  answer  ----- just unanimously vote for me like you would with any other culprit,  it’s  that  simple.  think of it as my way of saying  thank  you  for playing my game. i couldn’t have done this without you and as much as i wish that i could see what you’re going to do with newfound  freedom, i know that it’s not my place to be a part of it. all of you are going to bring so much  hope  to the world and i couldn’t be  happier  for you.  ❞    

     pride swelled in his voice, not unlike a true closing ceremony as hazel eyes shone with a myriad of sentiments --–  heartache  for the inevitable end,  overwhelming  joy  for the future, and the  satisfaction  of a job well done. one last attempt was made to meet ouma’s eye but expectations had long since  dwindled  away. in spite of his personal incredulity towards his luck, naegi hoped that it would be kind enough to arrange one last look between him and ouma in his final moments ----- a  lacklustre  farewell, but it would be  categorically  better than none at all.