Monster School: Class of 1.0.16
Cover Art By Me, EndStrikesAgain
A prequel to the general Minecraft Monster School Universe, AKA Herobrine's past as a student at the Monster School.
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It was a quiet day in the village, peaceful mode. The modded birds were singing, the shaders were clear, and I had just finished chopping down the last of the congestive taiga wood trees in the middle of town.
As I made my way out of the village, I passed by several villagers crouching behind halebales and pumpkin stacks. I don’t blame them for being afraid of me; my treatment of them was… inconsistent. One day, I’d be helping them farm and patch up the damage from creeper attacks, the next, I’d be kidnapping their librarians, and farming their iron golems.
The villagers had actually started a funny tradition because of me. Whenever a wandering trader wandered within 3 chunks of their territory, they’d kidnap them and dress them up like a librarian. My sacrifice waited for me on the outskirts, tied to a lamppost. I guess they didn’t bother gagging her because they knew that players can’t understand Herng (villager language).
“Please! Please don’t take me! I know you can’t understand what I’m saying, but you're not a monster! I remember you buying from me a couple of times, you killed my llamas for leads but I never really liked those guys anyway, they always gave me away to the monsters at night even when I gave them invis potions. Can you see me crying? Can you understand emotions? D-do you not like emotions? Do emotions piss you off? I’m sorry if I’m pissing you off, please don’t-”
I dropped my axe and opened the options menu.
“Wha- what are you doing?”
“Turning off peaceful mode.”
“Wait. You could understand us this entire time?”
“Eh,” I shrugged, “I installed this extended dialogue/translator mod recently… It’s inconsistent, though.”
“Incon-inconsistent? MOTHER FRACKER YOU’VE BEEN KIDNAPPING PEOPLE. THE HELL YOU TALKING ABOUT inconsistent MAN SCREW-” I ignored her and opened the text box, “Hey, wait a minute, what are you-”
“Um… okay, that’s- that’s,” She giggled nervously, “What is happening?”
“/give @s lightning_rod.”
“Lightning rod? Wait… WAIT-”
I stuck the rod on the lamppost, and seconds later, the wandering trader was engulfed in flames, the impact nearly sent me flying.
Once my floaters cleared, in front of me stood the powerless trader, reborn as a witch.
“Oh,” She flexed her fingers, summoning an invis potion, “Are… I don’t understand, I’m sorry… Do you want me to trade you potions?”
I rolled my eyes, handed her an ominous bottle, and gestured to the village behind me, the village that was trying to sacrifice her to indentured servitude. Finally, it clicked; her eyes lit up just as another strand of lightning struck behind her
With that, she drank the concoction in one gulp and smashed the glass into the pavement. On cue, the battle horns sounded.
I came back up from the mines for food, and all the villagers are gone, like, every single one of them. The ones in our village, the ones in the basement, even the iron farm was destroyed! This isn’t funny anymore. All you’ve been doing for the past 3 months is grief. I’ve been patient with you, Notch knows that I’ve been patient with you, but I just can’t anymore.
Ps. You know that I can see when you type cheats in chat, right? I thought we agreed no cheating.
I found this note in a book and a quill placed in a glowing item frame in the centre of my unfinished brewing lab. It came from my friend, Alex.
Jeez, even her writing had a Redditor accent.
I threw the note into my lava cauldron/garbage can and turned my attention back to important things, like finishing my brewing lab. I needed approximately 5 more stacks of purpur pillars to finish the interior. Good thing I had a whole farm of chorus fruit outside, or so I thought.
It was destroyed, every last chorus plant melting in a man-made lava pool; it looked like that one mango painting made by…that one guy who liked mangoes and painting.
On top of the obligatory crafting table was a sign.
I spent the next 4 hours gliding through the end, searching for a chorus island, when finally, I found one. I picked my fill and turned towards the void. Thank Notch I had “keep inventory” on.
I dived headfirst into the dark, and woke up in a library.
There were 5 of us, including myself, sitting at designated desks. I was placed in the middle row all the way in the back, so none of my classmates realized I had spawned in. In front of me sat a skeleton, and in front of that skeleton sat a spider. To the skeleton’s left sat a husk, and to the skeleton’s right-
“Player! It’s you again!” Waved the merchant I bewitched yesterday.
Like clockwork, the spider and husk lunged at me. I swiftly bit a chorus fruit and teleported to the other side of the room as they crashed into my desk. Before I could block them all off with a dirt wall, the skeleton shot me in the arm, knocking the blocks out of my hand into the spider’s inventory. The spider and husk lunged at me again, alongside 2 more of the skeleton’s arrows. I once again used a chorus fruit to teleport out of the way onto the sixth row of a 26-block-high bookshelf, and the arrows lodged into the husk’s back instead. The husk would've died right there if it weren’t for the witch’s splash potions of healing.
Whilst the witch was busy healing the husk, the spider chased me up the bookshelf, the skeleton, of course, was still shooting at me, but instead of letting myself get overwhelmed, I used the misfired arrows as grips and reached the top before the spider could reach me. I then pulled out my mace and leapt down, aiming for the skeleton’s head like a whack-a-mole, and just as I was about to make bone meal-
That dumb witch threw a splash potion of slow falling on me.
I was left suspended in the air, helpless as the spider slowly pulled me towards its drooling maw. Thankfully the witch wasn’t completely incompetent, she then threw a potion of weaving into the spider’s open mouth. Instead of eating me alive the horrible abomination regurgitated an ocean's worth of cobwebs. Dear Reader, if anyone is reading this, you’re lucky this is a book so ya’ll don’t have to visually see that scene. I promise you, whatever you're imagining right now can’t hold a candle to that visage of wet oatmeal mixed with glue. If I ever go to therapy, that’s going to be the first traumatic moment I’ll withhold from my therapist.
Anyway… yeah. I just dissociated for the next hour after that because I can’t remember what happened next. I think the witch calmed down her fellow mobs, or I got into another fight with the husk… I’m not sure; this all happened a long time ago.
What I do remember clearly is when the others arrived.
4 more desks spawned alongside mine and the spider’s, and along with the desks came 4 more mobs. An enderman, a creeper, a slime, and an evoker.
Now there were 9 of us, 9 desks in a perfect square, 9 students, 8 monsters, 1 player.
“HELLO MONSTERS.” The system bellowed into the room, her voice rustled every book on every shelf.
“Hi God!” Cooed the spider, acting all innocent like she just didn’t try to kill me.
The evoker did a little gasp, and immediately fell to her knees, “Oh wise o eyes, all eyes, eyes of ender to see from the overworld to the nether to the end! I am but a mistake, a flaw in your creation of natural beauty yet I bow before you and offer my soul, my life, my servitude. Blah blah, blahblahblah blah blahblahblah blahblah blahblah-”
“Is she done yet?” The skeleton yawned, “I would’ve grown a beard by now if I still had skin.”
The husk held his hands in prayer, “Let her get it out of her system.”
“You think she’s single?” The witch hushed into my ear, a perfect example of darwinism.
“I will forever be your monster, we will all forever be monsters until you wish for us to cease, and when you do we will always remember the warmth of your love, our devotion, our blah. Blahblah blahblahblah blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah blahblahblahblahblahblah-”
“Not a monster.” The enderman pointed out, poking me without my consent.
“Not a monster.” The slime agreed.
“OH MY NOTCH!” Yelped the creeper, nearly setting itself off, “When did THAT get in here?”
The witch was quick to shield me, “Guys, calm down, he’s with me.”
The evoker raised her head from prayer, and did a full 360 neck-snap to catch this witch tripping.
“The player is with you?”
The witch turned bright red, “He’s uh… he’s… my pet! I splash him with potions of weaknesses daily so he does all my wicked bidding with… without-”
The evoker was moving close, uncomfortably close, everyone moved out the way for her.
“WHOA lady!” the witch backed up behind me, using me as a human shield, “You're pretty but that doesn’t mean you can just invade my space, kay? Me casa, me casa, not-”
The evoker snatched the witch's hat off her head and inhaled a deep whiff as if it were spiced.
“Hrrreng… I know that smell, that static ZAP! Perfume de la Lightning Rod. You were recently turned. Tell me dear, how many emeralds did you make off of him? How many houses did he decorate? How many farms did he redstone? How many golems did he fix? How many raids has he saved you from?”
“I-uh…” The witch clung onto my arm, her nose twitched and thrashed like a fat caterpillar.
The evoker threw her head back and laughed bitterly, “I hope you weren’t one of his basement-dwellers, stockholm syndrome would really kill the divine vibes the system hath blessed us with.”
“Yes o divine one!” The evoker stumbled, “Please grace us with-”
“DIE? YOU’LL DIE? BECAUSE I CAN HELP WITH THAT IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP.”
The evoker immediately stopped yapping.
“NOW THEN,” If the system had a throat I’m sure she’d clear it, “MONSTERS, YOU ARE ALL GATHERED HERE FOR ONE SINGULAR REASON.”
The class stepped forward, yes myself included, because whilst I did not, and do not to this day, believe in the systems judgement, I liked praise.
“YOU ARE ALL S T U P I D.”
“That makes sense.” The enderman shrugged.
“Oh yes!” the evoker agreed, “All you say is the truth system, since you are reality! Hence such I swear to be your foolishly devoted serf for all-”
“You know I was going to argue the whole stupid thing but nevermind.” The skeleton groaned, as it shielded what remained of its ears from the evoker’s zealot spiel.
“YOU ARE ALL STUPID,” The system repeated, “EXCEPT-”
Suddenly I was being dangled in the air by some unseen all powerful force.
“Could you um…” The evoker’s faithful wails tightened into a resentful smile, “Could you please explain your reasoning for that claim o divine system of all reality?”
The shelves around the library sprouted roots, branches, vines, colliding into a taiga forest, and on the outskirts of said forest stood what remained of my village.
“I started that raid.” the witch smirked proudly.
“DUDE, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a victorious raid on the illagers side, nice job!” The creeper praised.
“IT WAS NOT A VICTORY.” The system deadpanned.
“Yeah, not for him.” The skeleton smirked jabbing me in the un-funny bone, the spider let out a chittery giggle of encouragement.
“NO,” the system echoed, “IT WAS NOT A VICTORY FOR MOBS, IT WAS A VICTORY FOR THE PLAYER.”
Silence hung over the room, heavy, ominous, awkwardly dramatic.
“But all the villagers are dead.” The enderman pointed out.
“STEVE HAS MORE AT HOME.”
“Was it a victory for him because…because he’s a decent person so he freed me and helped me get revenge on the evil villagers that tried to sacrifice me?” The witch offered.
“Pick me!” All the other mobs agreed, except for the evoker, she was deep in her head.
Then it clicked, the evoker’s eyes lit up with magic sparks, “Did the player turn you the same day-”
“Yep it was on the same day the raid happened!” she boasted proudly oblivious to the evokers rising anger, “He struck me with lightning, handed me a ominous bot-”
The evoker summoned a horde of vexes and had them hold the poor witch up by her long nose.
“HE GAVE YOU THE BOTTLE? THE PLAYER?!”
The evoker threw the witch into the nearest tree, knocking her out cold. All the other mobs, except me and my totem of undying, took a step back from her.
Finally the skeleton, the boldest, spoke.
“What… what happened when the player gave her the bottle? Other than the raid?”
The evoker was about to say something but I spoke first.
I held up my totem and squeezed it like a rubber ducky, “I followed the illagers home.”
The skeleton, spider, husk, enderman, creeper, slime, and even the evoker, went deathly silent. They never realized that I could understand them.
“HOPEFULLY THROUGH THIS PROGRAM, YOU’LL LEARN HOW TO BE COMPETENT THREATS FOR THE PLAYERS, INSTEAD OF FARM FRESH PRODUCE,” The system concluded, “I WILL TELEPORT YOU ALL HOME NOW, GOODBYE.”
I remember waking up in my bed like nothing happened, my brain was all warm and fuzzy like hot soda. I remember finishing my brewing lab, I remember replanting my chorus farm, and I remember how relieved I was, because not even the system could tell that I wasn’t the real Steve.
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Link to Chapter 2 on Wattpad:
A prequel to the general Minecraft Monster School Universe, AKA Herobrine's past as a student at the Monster School.
