endlessmania

It's that pervasive feeling that you're nothing more than a ticking time bomb and that everyone around you knows it, so they put on their facades and go about their days putting up with you instead of actually enjoying being around you. It's the notion that you're only tolerated, and nothing more.

It's that feeling that no matter what, you're excluded from ever having a "normal person" relationship. Its perceived as a part of the human experience that's closed off to you, forever leaving you banging the gates with a perpetually out-of-reach sense of camaraderie locked behind.

Splitting is awful, granted... but what's been really been soul-crushing lately is how it conditions you to be terrified of your own thoughts, and whether you're masking those thoughts enough to put on a facade of your own and exist in the world without judgment.