endangered species gimmick blog

Jesus Christ I have JUST realized that women use FTM to mean full time mom on the app I use to find recipes. I was like WHY ARE SO MANY TRANS PEOPLE MAKING MEDIOCRE PASTA DISHES!?

Javan Lapwing (Vanellus macropterus)

Unreliable narrators are one hell of an idea. You can just write whatever, and if a reader points out "hey the way this scene happened should not be physically possible if it's done the way this character described it", you can just be like "yeah I don't trust that fucker either."

Pinto Abalone (Haliotis kamtschatkana)

I am a grown ass adult and I still get nausea when I feel like I'm in trouble. They're gonna send me to the principals office and take away my toys for a week. Can you just fucking kill me instead of making me stew in my fucking anxiety

Black-winged Myna (Acridotheres melanopterus)

what if you wore a shirt that featured a picture of you trying to claw your way out of the shirt with a horrid desperate expression and the text "THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME I'M TRAPPED IN THE SHIRT"

Western Leopard Toad (Sclerophrys pantherina)

sorry boss can't come in today i was on my way to work and then a gentle spring breeze kissed my cheek and reminded me it is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in this broken world

Mark's Bush Frog (Raorchestes marki)

the problem with being someone who 1) lives in mountain lion range 2) enjoys night hiking is that there is a nonzero chance my last words will be "oh fugg a gougar"

Wollaston's Bug (Vernonia wollastoniana)

last week my doppelganger trapped me in the basement I keep it imprisoned in and took my place in my life. fortunately after the first day of this it came down and asked to have the basement back. Probably a good sign 👍

Pihkakeilanen (Cheilosia morio)

the funny thing about socializing cats at the animal shelter is that it can sometimes be quite difficult to tell the difference between a cat who's very scared, but unwilling to move or hiss, and will strike or bite if you touch them, and a cat who's a little scared and unwilling to move, but doesn't mind being touched. which means that sometimes I go through the whole process of acclimating a cat to my hand being in their kennel, getting them used to my hand as a moving object, slowly making my way closer and closer to them, testing which angles of approach bother them the least, and eventually making contact, only for the cat to look at me like "thanks for finally petting me. are you stupid or something?"

Chamula Mountain Brook Frog (Duellmanohyla chamulae)

i think everyone should program at least once just so you realise just how fucking stupid computers are. because theyre so fucking stupid. a computer wants to be told what to do and exactly that and if you make one typo or forget one detail it starts crying uncontrollably

Anjouan Scops-owl (Otus capnodes)

a village child tried to cut my beard today with scissors. naturally I destroyed him with lightning and sonic boom. now his parents are saying I "overreacted". well guess what is coming to them next. that's right it's lightning sonic boom.

White Abalone (Haliotis sorenseni)

Damnnnn I kinda need to die of carbon monoxide poisoning and then get cryogenically preserved and then have the company that preserved me go bankrupt and quietly dispose of my thawed body in a local culvert where I get eatennnnnn by some armadillos yes armadillos as their native habitat is expanding ever northwards

Pachnodus fregatensis

Happy pride month to my dad. When I came out as bi to him, this man googled what it ment, look at me and said "ohh. Yeah. You get that from me. You'd have far more siblings of I only shaged women." And went right back to his work emails.

Madaka-awabi (Haliotis madaka)

It will get cold again eventually. The summer will not last forever. I’m not doomed to live in this unbearable heat for all eternity. <- said while gripping the countertop so hard that the tile is starting to crack

Giant Abalone (Haliotis gigantea)

I love this site because you could post a picture of like. a fridge you saw being thrown out on the corner of a street and some blog you've never seen before with a fridge icon called fridgefan87 will reblog it like '#nicely spotted op! #model 37xc 2005 #fridgeposting'

Choco Robber Frog (Strabomantis anomalus)

met a woman today whose original real actual given-at-birth first name is "Vendetta." ma'am are you aware you are a videogame protagonist and/or a character in a skullduggery pleasant novel. real quick sorry to bother you miss but who exactly were your parents expecting you to avenge in their name

Mountain Coqui (Eleutherodactylus portoricensis)

Today I was trying to chat up this girl standing with her friend at a lesbian bar and said “oh are you two together?” meaning were you friends before being next to each other at this bar and one turns to the other and goes with all the venom of a black mamba snake “I don’t know Cara, are we?” and I was like you know what? not my table

Cheilosia clama

anyone else wish they would get roped into a freaky friday body swap situation just for the hope that the other person will go "oh jesus fuck how do you live like this" and instantly validate your feelings of being Strange and Built Wrong.

Eugenia's Rainfrog (Pristimantis eugeniae)