Her Dark Materials

Except ☝️when a combat SecUnit or combat bot shows up

MASS EFFECT 3 - OMEGA

Murderbot chronically finding new scientists/travellers to claim as “clients” (whether paid or not) like one of those sheepless herding dogs that goes around finding sheep (or anything else they can herd like a flock of sheep). Like it clearly has a protect humans instinct and a desperate need for enrichment.

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

“30-50 wild hogs” for someone making ABSURD excuses for violence.

“what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament” for how do you know that without being a part of it.

“anyone in this thread smoke weed” for the shit you people are saying is so off topic this might as well be a general discussion forum

“dogs are boys and cats are girls” for ooh ur mindset did not grow past 4th grade, huh

“color theory in a childrens hospital” for bending over backwards to not agree that YEA, that thing Came Off Weird

“you are a tar pit” for someone finding any reason to respond with outrage.

“is the __ in the room with us right now?” for I Don’t Think That’s Real.

“bean soup? im allergic to beans!” for ik this doesn’t work for you, but that’s not a flaw. not everything can be for you.

you are annika "seven shots" hansen, brand new science ensign aboard the uss voyager, just graduated, ready to run as far from earth as space can take you. in pursuit of the maquis, you end up in the delta quadrant, marooned on said maquis' ship and awkwardly folding into their crew along with the rest of yours. your new captain, chakotay, is struggling to unite the starfleet and maquis crews. you yourself are not impressed, but over time, he wins your respect and your crew begins to work together to get back to the alpha quadrant.

you remain to the side of the crew, not ostracised, but a little alone. you pick up some shifts in the improvised medbay. occasionally, other crewmembers try to befriend you, or flirt with you, but that stops after you broke a crewman's wrist in a panic. b'elanna, at least, grudgingly approves. you have breakfast once a week with her and passive aggressively snipe at each other the whole time. it's the highlight of your social calendar.

then you meet the borg. based off your parents' crackpot notes, you strongarm chakotay into making a pact with the borg and you two liberate yourselves the only human drone you've met - one of the many starfleet lost in action, former chief science officer kathryn janeway, who is reckless, insane, angry, and bitterly driven to destroy the borg and protect her new crew with everything she has.

she's been assimilated for as long as you've been alive and had traumas that predate your conception. the joint funeral for her old ship was highly attended. she was the dead bestfriend of the turncoat security officer chakotay is still mad about having trusted. her every plan is an abstract suicide attempt and she does things to the ship's engines to get it going faster that makes your heart faint and b'elanna's hair grey. she has screaming arguments with the captain in the Mess Hall and insists on patching noxiously brewed coffee that make her borg-stomach sick into an iv line. she is absolutely petrified to be close to you in case she assimilates you by accident.

you still haven't beaten her at Velocity.

and what do you think to yourself then, annika "seven shots" hansen, thinly-masked neurodivergent who prefers machines to people and is openly scornful of the social rules everyone else seems to know (while also, desperately wishing you understood them yourself)?

I may not have 30 years. But I think I have another hour.