Kaze | No pronoun pref | Bi Ace | Sneezing Kink | Whump/illness/injury fixation | Blog is 90% sfw | I'm 30+ | Sickfic Masterlist | Ko-Fi
| Icon/Header by @kotyonoksnz | Kazewrites on AO3 I OC info @kazes-characters
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Well, here it is. In the year of our snzlord 2025 I come bearing pre-millennium fanfic.
You ever read a vanilla fic and think 'man, you really missed an opportunity'? Yeah. That's how this happened.
Also this post.
I don't know if there's any market for B//T//V//S fic here these days, but please enjoy everyone's favorite be-tweeded Watcher having a less than stellar day at work.
Set early S1. S/unnydale's previous school librarian has a lot to answer for.
Giles wrinkles his nose and scrutinizes the shelf in front of him as though it's committed a deep person offense against him. Which, in a way, it has. Or at least the person responsible for the state of it has. He's been here for months now and every day he becomes more baffled and incensed by the cataloging system employed by his predecessor. No, no - system is too generous a term for the sheer madness with which whoever held this position before him has gone about manhandling the contents of the stacks. It's as if they'd never even heard the name Melvil Dewey. Not, in Giles' opinion, the most efficient or intuitive of systems, he prefers the LCC, or even Bliss, but at least it is a system. And, he had been led to believe, the standard in America. The S/unnydale High library however is clearly the product of some sort of mental disease. Or perhaps a particularly robust acid trip judging by the complete absence of any apparent logic in where absolutely anything is in relation to anything else.
The wrinkling of Giles' nose becomes more pronounced. He sniffs, disdainful, yes - disapproving, certainly, but also - Christ...
Another bone he has to pick with his predecessor... Admittedly he's seen what depressingly little interest most of the S/unnydale students have in books, but still, lack of use is no excuse for such an abysmal lack of housekeeping. This particular shelf of - he squints at the bindings - Middle English literary verse and... the Mexican revolution (good grief ...) bears a layer of dust so thick you could wade through it. Just looking at it makes his eyes itch, not to mention -
With sudden urgency Giles jerks his hand back from the books he's been examining as if he's been singed and fumbles in his pocket for his handkerchief, his breath scissoring an uneven, staccato threat.
He spares the offending shelf a watery-eyed glare in the brief instant that's all he's graced with before his eyes squeeze shut against his will, flaring nostrils buried in soft folds that smell of laundry soap and Habit Rouge.
He tries, out of spite for the cause as much as anything, to bite down on the reflex - and realizes almost immediately what a mistake this is, a thousand microscopic feathers dancing against the walls of his sinuses could hardly spawn a more all-consuming, almost burning tickling sensation.
"h'NgXtt!-ihHh!"
The breath it wrenches from his lungs is more helpless gasp than anything else and any question of further attempts at restraint are rendered academic.
Blindly, he gropes for the shelves with his free hand, bracing himself against the merciless, inexorable onslaught of it, but of course that only serves to further disturb the long neglected mantle of dust⦠He barely has time to draw breath between them now - as if they're racing each other to escape, crawling over each other in their haste to rid him of the mounting irritation.
When at last he gains a (slightly breathless) reprieve his glasses have slipped down the bridge of his nose, teetering precariously near the tip. With a shaky, exasperated exhale and reflexive sniffle he readjusts them - a sharp, irascible motion, peevishly rougher than is strictly necessary - another mistake. It's hard to say if it's the traces of dust on his fingers or simply the friction of the nose piece of his glasses themselves, but it's enough to send another maddening itch tearing across the angry, inflamed membranes of his nose. With an even more exasperated groan he capitulates to it, has no choice in the matter really, and collapses back into the handkerchief, damp eyelashes fluttering against cheeks just beginning to flush a delicate, disheveled pink. Exertion, embarrassment, pique - it's hard to say. He can only be grateful there's no one there to see any of it. A thoroughly undignified display all around.
The sound that escapes him in the wake of it is embarrassingly close to a whimper.
He should not, he feels quite strongly, need to take an antihistamine tablet in order to come to work. Inside. Far from the proximity of even the faintest whiff of pollen, or hay, or violently chintzy scented candles. β¦ Alright, the latter is more likely to be found inside than out, but not, generally speaking, in high school libraries, he should still be safe here.
He's going to start submitting his pharmacy receipts to Principal Flutie⦠But first he's going to make himself a strong cup of tea, find something cool and damp to press against his eyes, and imagine the serene, well organized stacks of the Bodleian. Even the University College with it's - he all but shudders - Garside classification, would be better than this. At least they have the decency to dust once a century or so.
Oh God, he's going to sneeze againβ¦
Maybe he should just go home, what's the worst that could happen if he takes an afternoon off after all, the end of the world? Yes... well⦠quite.
Giles groans and fishes his handkerchief back out, just in time. Maybe the end of the world wouldn't be so bad actually.
Person is feeling a bit of chill from the weather. However, instead of taking care right now to make sure they donβt advance into anything worse, they decided to train even harder and getting themselves into even colder/wetter situations just to prove that they are NOT getting sick.
hello and welcome to a completely unscientific shitpost featuring a selected list of what I am deeming to be:
extremely snzfucker-coded plant species
aka plants from around the world that are either onto us (or one of us)
please do not reblog to non-snz blogs // Minors DNI (18+ blog)
Hi, I'm Leni and you may remember me from the post I wrote titled the snzfucker's guide to the snziest plants. I'm a plant ecologist and snzfucker (and generally just a huge nerd) and while this post will be based in facts, I'm about to be deeply unserious and mildly chaotic, so please enjoy. Or scroll on by if that's not your thing.
In this post you'll be introduced to:
Longleaf Pine (used to treat colds AND fight allergies - she's doing the most)
Pampas Grass (the feather duster of the plant kingdom with a kinky backstory)
Q-tip Tree (you'll understand why when you see it, I promise)
Handkerchief Tree (yes, that's the actual common name)
California Tree Poppy (aka the used Kleenex flower)
Let's dive in!
Longleaf Pine
Alright, first up we have Pinus palustris, commonly known as the Longleaf Pine that, by all appearances, seems to have evolved specifically for inducing. The dried leaves (needles) of this species have long been used for treating colds and other respiratory ailments, as they are high in Vitamin C and also acts as an expectorant (thinning mucous/clearing congestion). Dried leaves can be brewed into an herbal tea that is often mixed with peppermint and other beneficial, cold-soothing herbs.
Fun fact: Extracts of its pollen are widely used as the standard for pine allergy testing and immunotherapy in the United States. While many plants in the Pine family produce highly allergenic pollen, this particular species is less allergenic than its relatives, as its pollen is heavier and tends to drop to the ground instead of being light and easily airborne.
snzfucker rating: 10/10. This plant has it all, including cold + allergy lore + pine needles that are safe to induce with which truly just look like they've evolved specifically for that purpose. what? who said that?!??
Pampas Grass
Next up we have Cortaderia selloana or Pampas Grass. The resemblance to a feather duster is, wellβ¦do I even need to go on? Well, I'm going to go on an anyway. It's also an extremely allergenic, wind-pollinated grass. Ever seen comments of plants with people saying "haha wow even this photo made me sneeze"? Yeah, well, this plant is the perfect candidate for whatever...that is.
Fun fact: This widely cultivated and once popular garden plant was the subject of a kink-related urban legend dating back to the 1970s following claims that those who planted it in their front yards were identifying as a swinger household. As a result, its popularity plummeted - because people were afraid to plant it in their yards! Which, in my opinion, is good outcome, as this species is often highly invasive outside its native range (...I can neither confirm nor deny that this rumor was initially started by conservationists/ecologists).
snzfucker rating: 9/10. bonus points for being the feather duster of the plant kingdom + having kink lore + being extremely allergenic... but I've subtracted several points because, well, we hate invasive species in this house, folks.
Q-Tip Tree
Next on the list is Clerodendrum quadriloculare aka the Q-Tip Tree. I donβt think I have to elaborate on why this made the list. I think y'all should just look at the photo and nod along with me.
Fun fact: This species is a member of the mint (Lamiaceae) family, believe it or not! Many members of this plant family have invasive tendecies when introduced outside their native range. It's also known as the 'Starburst Bush' which is a pretty groovy name, in my opinion. Obviously, I'm going to stick with the alternative Q-Tip Tree.
snzfucker rating: 7/10. Its definitely got some "π" qualities... if you know what I mean.
Handkerchief Tree
Yes, seriously. Davidia involucrata is known as the Handkerchief Tree because of its white bracts that flutter in the breeze like pinched handkerchiefs. Again...do I need to elaborate?
Fun fact: This plant takes up to 10 years to flower after planting! Well worth the wait, in my opinion. It's native to the woodlands of southern China and prefers... moist/wet conditions...π ...no, seriously, it does. I'm not just shit-posting here. Well I am, but...this is genuinely true.
snzfucker rating: 8.75/10. It's freakin' called the handkerchief tree, y'all. Spectacular. No notes.
California Tree Poppy
Last but not least we have Romneya coulteri aka the California Tree Poppy which bears such a remarkable resemblance to used tissues that folks will often post photos to gardening/flower-related Facebook groups asking others to help identify βthis flower that looks like a bunched up Kleenex.β
Fun fact: This plant is native to California, and has the largest petal width of any wildflower in California! Plus, it smells very sweet - remarkably like apricots.
snzfucker rating: 8/10. Any plant that resembles a crumpled tissue is pretty darn snzfucker-coded if you ask me. Want to imagine your fav sneezing into a flower? This might be the ideal one!
πΎ πΌ π²
I hope you enjoyed this silly little post. Feel free to reply/reblog with your thoughts/alternative ratings. I'll be back soon with another post about plants that have been used throughout history to treat colds and all the snience (snz science, hehe) behind it! π
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iβm such a fever lover bro. like yes youβre delirious. yes youβre sweaty but youβre shivering. yeah youβre cuddling up to whoever, yeah youβre pathetic.
Idk how to say this without sounding cringe but I started watching the tv run of Perry Mason and a) Raymond Burr is kind of a baddie, b) I did not realize that man just commits crimes constantly in his course of lawyering, and c) was startled when one of the epilogues to one of the episodes he was inexplicably sick and Della was playing nursemaid for a couple minutes when that was definitely not the case during the actual trial or investigation
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anth/ony He/ad who played Gil/es on BTVS has died. I am so crushed he was one of the characters which inspired Gabriel. I loved his look, bookish smarts but Gil/es also was a badass.
I know he was in more shows but he'll forever be Gil/es to me.
Thank you so much to @shamefilledsnzblog for commissioning me and bestowing the pleasure it was to draw your OC! This was so much fun. Thereβs just something about long haired menβ¦ugh. Commission me! All prices are completely negotiable! Thank you guys some much.
the way the image of a person, distinctly sniffly and huddled into a cardigan and pushing their glasses hopelessly up the bridge of their nose every now and then, can absolutely break my brain
to anyone on snzblr who is seeing ta/dc in the theater please don't spoilers as even tho Im going thru and adding tags a lot of us dont use the normal ones so we're not seen in searches. and I cant add all the versions to my block list
I honestly trust snzblr better than the greater internet in keeping the spoilers hidden until it drops on youtube but still being paranoid xD
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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dededos
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blakekathryn
stormborns
