Ding Dong

tbh if someone just handed me a pressure washer and set me loose in the streets i would go into a trance and just start hosing shit down indiscriminately. it's not a question of how much i could clean, but how long until i get hit by a car and die

Females will literally explode and combust and die. Meanwhile males will be dismembered and burn and die and suffer

what happens to non-binarys?

you get the oysters

We have two main holes on our lower half. Our buttholes and our nut holes. Also the Aretha

Franklin??????????????

The Turtle?

Scrolling down, I honestly thought the second line was going to be ‘a gay bar’ and I was so excited. 

okay, but all I’ve done today is sleep lmao 

I woke up at noon, ate lasagna and went back to sleep right after

*holds a baby carrot like a cigarette* I’m just….. over it, you know?

Sex line operator: You take off your pants? *sound of dice rolling* in your rush you catch your foot in the leg and trip yourself. You are prone on the floor. I cast Power Word Cum.

there are at least three houses in new orleans