L, is for the way you look at me

The alarm goes off at five thirty-five, Dennis’ phone lighting up and buzzing on the nightstand, dragging both of you out of sleep. He reaches over before it can ring a second time, hitting the power button, shutting it off for the time being. You don’t open your eyes, but you shift yourself closer to him, smiling when his arms curl around your waist and pull you against his body. He plants a kiss on your ear, then on your cheek, eliciting a hum from you. 

“Hi, lovely girl,” He murmurs, putting his head back down on the pillow, closing his eyes to take advantage of the eight minutes remaining before the alarm goes off again. 

“Hi baby,” You mumble, half-coherent, relishing in how warm he is, not wanting to face the temperature of your apartment in the middle of December. It’s still completely dark out, making the prospect of getting out of bed even worse. 

“You want breakfast today?” He asks, slipping his hand under your shirt, warmth pressing lightly against your stomach. You whine, wiggling in an attempt to get even closer to him. 

“Yeah, I think so,” You say. “Thank you.”

“‘Course,” He says. He presses another kiss to your cheek, squeezing you tightly. The two of you lay in silence until the alarm rings again, your cat lifting his head up at the sound, letting out a tiny chirp and hopping off the bed and onto the floor. 

“Fuck,” You whisper, rubbing your eyes, groaning when Dennis lets go of you and climbs out of bed, exposing you to the frigid air for half a second. He walks off into the bathroom, brushing his teeth while simultaneously turning the shower on, closing the door behind him once he’s done to make sure the whole room is warm by the time you manage to crawl out of bed. 

He comes back into the bedroom with your towel slung over his shoulder, opening the closet and pulling out a pair of jeans and a sweater for you. He grabs clothes for himself, then disappears down the hallway, tossing the towel and your clothes into the dryer before continuing on into the kitchen. You open your eyes again, sigh, and hype yourself up enough to throw the blanket off. 

You practically run into the bathroom once you’re up, not wanting to stay in the cold any longer than necessary. The shower is the perfect temperature, with steam curling up and over the glass door, clinging to the mirror. You smile to yourself, your stomach filling with butterflies as you think about how lucky you are, a regular occurrence in the morning as Dennis does everything he can to make your day easier.

Dennis is in the doorway a few moments after you turn the shower off, holding up the warm towel, wrapping it around your shoulders as you step out. 

“Clothes in the dryer, angel,” He says, leaning over, kissing your forehead. You smile. 

“Thank you,” You say, the two words a constant in the morning when you both work, no matter how many times he’s done these things for you. 

“You don’t have to thank me,” He says, like always. “Breakfast’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

Your smile grows. “Thank you.”

He shakes his head, closing the door, his footsteps receding back into the kitchen. You brush your teeth, do your skincare and hair, then grab the clothes from the dryer, climbing into them. You make it into the kitchen by six-fifteen, admiring the sight of Dennis for a moment, watching the way he moves as he makes your plate and pours coffee into a mug. He slides it onto the breakfast bar just as you take a seat, flashing you a small smile. 

“Thank you,” You say. He teasingly rolls his eyes, but his cheeks go pink, ruining his attempt to seem nonchalant. He notices the way you glance towards the food, early-morning nausea obvious on your face, making him frown. 

“You don’t have to eat it all,” He says. “Or any of it. Only as much as you want, yeah?”

You nod, sticking your fork into a piece of fruit, taking a small bite. “Yeah, I know, thank you.”

“I’m gonna’ start charging you each time you say that,” He says, picking up his own mug of coffee, moving towards the bedroom to take his own shower. You laugh under your breath, taking another bite of food, trying to get yourself to fully wake up. 

You try your best to help once Dennis is out of the shower, but you’re still a little sluggish, likely hindering more than anything as he packs a few snacks for the day, fills your water bottles, pours more coffee into travel cups, and starts the car. He scrapes the snow and ice off the windows after letting it warm up for a minute, then carries your backpacks out, setting them in the backseat. 

You tug your boots and jacket on, following him out, grabbing your keys off the hook and locking the door behind you. He opens the passenger door once he sees you, letting you hop in before getting into the drivers side. Music plays softly, buzzing from the speakers of the old car, filling the space perfectly until you’re awake enough to make conversation. 

“Feeling okay today?” You ask, reaching your hand over, threading your fingers through his. 

“Yeah, hopefully it’s not too crazy,” He says. 

You hum, smiling. “Can’t wait to don and doff for every single patient all day.”

He laughs. “Hard to enjoy the holiday season when it’s really just…flu season.”

“And RSV, covid, noro,” You add, rattling the diagnoses off, already envisioning the way the board will look when the two of you arrive. 

Cough. Congestion. Shortness of breath. Nausea. Vomiting. Wheezing. Fever. 

“Maybe we won’t get sick three days before Christmas this time,” He says, squeezing your hand. “I’d like to actually make it to the farm for a bit.”

You think about last holiday season, both of you sucuumbing to the same virus within five hours of each other, quickly devolving into feverish delirium. You exhale, leaning your head back, closing your eyes. 

“Oh my god,” You say, laughing through the words. “We were so fucking sick.”

“I was convinced a racoon had broken into the apartment,” He says, making you laugh harder, recalling the number of times he tried to convey that concept to you, all without actually saying the word ‘racoon.’

“You never said it was a racoon!” You exclaim. “I thought you were trying to tell me there was a man in our home, but I was too fucking out of it to actually process that.”

He chuckles. “I remember saying ‘he’s here’ over and over again.”

“That’s exactly what you were saying,” You confirm. “I asked ‘who’ like…one time and then gave up, accepting our fate of being murdered by this unknown man.”

“I had accepted that the racoon was going to get us,” He says. “My face was basically the surface of Venus with how high my fever was.”

“Ugh, and we were so sweaty,” You say, grimacing a little at the memory of sticky sheets and hair sticking to your face. “Then people were trying to Facetime us, we looked disgusting, and I’m sure we were completely incoherent.”

“My mom really wanted us to go to the ER,” He agrees. 

“We basically are the ER,” You counter. 

“That’s what I said!” He exclaims. “Or…at least I meant to. I probably said something incomprehensible.”

“Yeah, probably,” You say, running your thumb along the back of his hand. “Let’s not do that again this year.”

“Great idea,” He says, pulling into the hospital lot and into his usual parking spot. 

You spend the first few hours in the zone, running the occasional code, making eye contact while charting across the central hub, purposefully bumping shoulders as you walk past each other. You send him a secure chat just after eleven, watching him from across the department as he types on a computer. 

can you spare five minutes?

DENNIS WHITAKER, MD Yes :) 

He doesn’t need to ask what you want. 

You log off the computer, slipping into the locker room and grabbing a granola bar, apple slices, and crackers from your backpack, all of which Dennis packed for you this morning. You head through the double doors, into the back hallway, setting yourself up on the marble staircase while you wait for him. He rounds the corner a few minutes later, a tired smile on his face, his hands reaching for you first as he takes the seat beside you. One lands on your lower back while the other touches your forearm, his head resting against your shoulder briefly. 

“Tired?” You ask, passing him a slice of apple, raising your own and tapping it against his before taking a bite. 

“Very,” He says, sighing, shoving the entire piece into his mouth. You grin, cocking your head to the side, watching as his cheeks puff out for a second. He shrugs, swallowing, raising his finger up for a moment. 

“Sorry,” He says. “I don’t have a lot of time.”

“Oh, okay, yeah, that’s very efficient,” You say, giving him another piece, watching him do the same thing again. You laugh, knowing that he only did it to make you smile. 

The two of you eat as much as you can within five minutes, then Dennis stands up, brushing his pants off and adjusting his badge. He kisses your forehead, his hands resting on your cheeks for a second. 

“I love you,” He says. “See you in there.”

“I love you,” You say. “Good luck.”

You’re dying to go home by the time three o’clock rolls around, the day consisting of never-ending respiratory and stomach viruses, just like you thought it would. Your hands are raw and sore from the number of times you’ve sanitized them, the shitty lotion at the nurses station doing nothing to fight the dryness that seems to seep down to your bones. 

Dennis stops beside the desk you’re working at, setting a small container down in front of you, pulling your attention away from the screen. You glance down at the object, gasping when you see that it’s your favourite shea butter, not one that he’d be able to get from the hospital gift shop. 

“Did you bring this from home?” You ask, already opening the lid and starting to slather it onto the back of your hands. 

He nods. “They were cracking last night, wasn’t sure they’d make it through the day.”

“Do you have a crush on me or something?” You ask, teasing, watching as his cheeks heat up. 

“I don’t know where you got that idea,” He says, but he stutters slightly, and you grin. 

“Thank you,” You say, then glance back towards the computer, remembering something. “Can I grab a VBG instead of ABG for thirteen? She’s been poked like, a million times already, and the VBG won’t hurt as much.”

It takes him a second to remember exactly who’s in thirteen, considering he’s spent the last two hours doing back-to-back traumas, but then he nods. 

“Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea,” He says. “Thanks.”

“Cool, I’ll do it right now,” You say, standing up, your hand finding his for a split second. “Four more hours.”

He sighs. “Four more hours.”

For once, Dennis is ready to leave before you, waiting for you to finish up your conversation with Cassie before actually walking over. He’s bundled up—his jacket zipped up to his neck, blonde curls poking out from beneath a grey beanie, thin gloves covering his hands. He’s holding the car keys, spinning them around his finger a few times. 

“Hey, sorry, I’ll be like fifteen,” You say, grabbing a tablet and logging on as you talk. “McKay needs an urgent neb and whoever’s supposed to be here after me is clearly running late.”

“It’s okay,” He says, giving your arm a quick, reassuring rub. “I’ll go get the car warmed up, text me when you’re done?”

The sun is long past the horizon by the time you get back home, limbs aching from the chill outside, each of you carrying a bag of groceries. Dennis has both your backpacks slung over his shoulders, and you’re tucked into your jacket, eyelashes starting to freeze as you race towards the door to your building. You yank it open, holding it for him, quickly shuffling in behind him. 

“Thanks,” He say, hitting the elevator button with his elbow. You press yourself into his side, shivering, wanting nothing more than to cuddle up beside him on the couch and watch movies until you can’t keep your eyes open anymore. The elevator doors slide open, as though they’re protesting the cold themselves, and both of you step inside, hitting the button for the fourth floor. 

Neither of you speaks, you just stand side by side, shoulders brushing together. You unlock your door, finally, kicking your shoes off into the corner and setting the bag of groceries onto the counter. Your cat screams at your feet, twisting around your legs, making you grin as you bend down to pick him up. 

“Hi,” You say, kissing the top of his head. Dennis comes into the room, putting the other bag on the counter, then coming to your side, stratching the cat’s chin. He shoves his face against Dennis’ hand, nuzzling into him despite how frigid both of you are. You put him back on the floor after a bit, opening one of the grocery bags and starting to pull out ingredients for dinner. 

“Go shower, I’ll get dinner started,” You say, sticking your hands under the tap as he comes up behind you, sliding his arms around your waist, burying his face into the sweater you’re wearing. He says something that you can’t quite hear, his voice muffled against your clothes, but you take a wild guess. “I love you too, baby.”

He sighs, holding you for another second before letting go, trailing off into the bathroom to wash the day off. You roll your sleeves up, pulling out a cutting board and putting it onto the counter. You grab a frying pan, lining it up with the burner on the stove, turning the knob to the right temperature. 

Dinner is almost finished by the time Dennis comes back out, wearing plaid pajama pants and a black crewneck, his hair wet and face slightly flushed from the hot water. He leans back against the counter farthest from where you’re working, knowing better than to try and offer any help, certain that you’ll usher him away, insisting that he works too hard already. He watches you with a fond smile on his face, admiring the way your hair has started falling out of the updo you put it in this morning, how your left sleeve has fallen back down to your wrist while the right is shoved up past your elbow, the way you’re standing entirely on one foot, the other pressed against your thigh like a flamingo. 

This is his favourite part of his life. 

If he only had ten minutes left to live, he’d ask if he could watch you like this, one last time.

He’s so fucking lucky. 

You finish up five minutes later, and the two of you sit across from each other at the dining table, fancy wine glasses filled with juice beside both your plates. 

“Thank you for cooking,” He says. You raise an eyebrow. 

“Should we start charging for ‘thank you’s now, or…”

He smiles. “Let’s just call it even.”

You smile back. “Fine, if you insist.”

His eyes fall past your face, landing on the shelf behind you, his brows furrowing. “When did that plant die?”

You don’t have to look to know the one he’s referring to—the brown, limp fern that sits beside your books and a few other knicknacks. 

“It’s not dead,” You counter. “It’s…dormant.”

He squints. “Dormant?”

“Obviously,” You insist. “I just need to re-pot it. I think.”

He scoffs, smiling again. “Okay, whatever you say, lovely.”

Conversation drifts between topics until you’re both finished, but neither of you move to get up. You bring a foot up onto your chair, leaning back, holding your glass of juice as you talk about the gifts you still need to buy for your nieces and nephews and when you’ll actually get around to decorating for the holidays, which somehow devolves into a heated debate about the best Christmas movie, one you’ve had many times throughout the past six years. 

It’s only when you both start getting quieter that you actually stand, taking your plates into the kitchen, you starting to clean the mess from the day. Dennis stands off to the side for a moment, then opens his mouth, but you’re quick to cut him off. 

“Absolutely not,” You say. “I’ve got it, you can sit down.”

He frowns, but he knows you won’t budge, so he takes a seat on the couch, picking up the remote and looking for a movie to watch. 

You load the dishwasher, wash and refill your water bottles, tidy up your abandoned jackets and boots by the front door, and wipe the counters off before going down the hall and into the bedroom. You pick up the basket of dirty laundry, hauling it over to the washer, putting a load on before folding into him on the couch. 

He catches you, like he has a million times, sliding his legs apart and letting you take the spot between them, your knees tucked up and cheek against his chest. He holds you, rocking back and forth gently, kissing your temple. 

“Tighter?” He asks. You nod against him, shoving your face into his neck, closing your eyes as he squeezes a little more. He feels the way your breathing slows, how your grip on his sweater loosens, your muscles slowly relaxing as his hand trails up and down your back. He sits with you, not speaking again until you shift, kissing just below his ear. 

“Better?”

You hum. “Thank you.”

The rest of the night goes the way it usually does—you watch a movie, switch the laundry over, take a quick shower, then get into bed. Dennis brings your water bottles with him, setting yours on your nightstand, quickly getting under the covers after switching the light off. The reflection of the street lights in the falling snow glows orange outside, the typical drone of the city muffled by the weather. You lay your head on Dennis’ chest, pulling the blanket up to your chin. 

“I think we should actually take that trip to the Poconos,” You say. “Now that you’re an R2 maybe you can actually get a weekend off.”

He laughs a little. “Yeah, that would be great, angel. I’ll uh, I’ll check with Robby tomorrow, see what he says.”

“Okay,” You say, smiling. “Maybe this spring?”

He nods, kissing your hairline. “Let’s do it.”

*BONUS*

Despite how early it is, you’re up and out of bed before Dennis, flitting around the apartment as the early spring sun trickles in through the windows. You’re wearing a sundress, bags already packed and over by the door, trying to finish the final things that need to get done before your trip. Dennis stands in the bedroom, putting the last of his belongings into the suitcase, his eyes drifting over to the door before he steps towards his backpack, unzipping the front pocket. He freezes when he hears your voice from down the hall. 

“Are you almost ready?” You call. “We should get on the road soon!”

He swallows. “Be there in one minute!”

The sound of the front door opening suggests the coast is clear, and he reaches into the pocket, fingers grazing over a white box. He tries to convince himself that that’s enough, but his anxiety spikes, and he pulls it out, lifting the lid up to reveal the diamond ring that he had been saving for for years. He hears your footsteps come back inside, and he slams it shut, tossing it back into the bag and zipping it up. You poke your head into the doorway half a second later, smiling. 

“Good to go?” You ask. He nods, returning the smile and hoisting his bags off the bed. He stops to kiss you on his way out, lingering for a second, his heart pounding against his ribcage. 

“I love you,” He says, touching his forehead to yours. 

“I love you, Denny,” You say, brushing a few stray curls back. “Ready?”

He nods. “Absolutely.”

A/N - surprise! she's back :) i missed u guys :)))) i probably won't get back into the full swing of things for a little while longer but i'll be responding to all ur lovely comments and messages and DMs soon! also if you’ve left a comment to join my everything taglist within the past month ish or so i promise u will be added!! i just haven’t had time to update it. okay love u see u later bye bye!!!

tags:

It’s like that split moment when you’re falling and you have one thought. “Oh shit.” 

Jack is having that oh shit moment every time he’s around you. Because he’s slowly realizing he loves you. 

And now he has to figure out how to love the daughter that comes with you. 

Willa. 

Sixteen. 

Sheepish.

 Child of divorce. 

That’s literally all Jack abbot knew of your daughter. Well— other than the fact that she had a smoking hot mom. 

And it’s not for lack of trying! Like the one-time Jack came over to your house because you said your water pressure suddenly went dull. 

He was messing with the pipes when Willa walked by. Jack said “hi.” Then Willa said “hi” and that was the end. 

Jack been officially dating you for six months. And when you found out that after half a year  Willa and Jack haven’t gotten any closer it was like your heart sunk into your stomach. Two of your most favorite people not getting along. 

And maybe that’s why Jack booked his cabin. A big house in the middle of nowhere, lake, hikes. Nature. Kids loved that stuff right? 

Jack couldn’t bear to see you so sad when he and Willa would only halfway greet each other. And he knew you wouldn’t force anything. That’s why, on this trip. Jack was determined to put at least one new thing on that list.

He wants to make friends with your daughter, for you and him. And if this relationship is to last more than a year— and you’re okay with getting married again. He wants Willa to be okay with it too. 

Maybe mending that deep part of him that really did want kids. 

“I’ll be gone for like, thirty minutes. Top.” 

“Thirty minutes.” 

The cabin was huge, there was enough rooms for everyone to sleep by themselves, but Jack wanted to sleep with you and hopefully you would want to sleep with him too. 

There was a zip line place just a few miles away that would be fun to do this week. A hot tub in the back, a pool table in the basement. A fireplace that added to the coziness. The outside air felt crisp. 

Except the one downside was that it was literally out in the middle of nowhere, on the listing it said pizza delivery guys get confused all the time on where the cabin was. 

So for some reason you insisted on driving your ass all the way down to town to get groceries for the week. Leaving jack and Willa alone for thirty minutes. 

Jack was all for the bonding thing, except he thought you would be there with him. To pull him out of the pit if things got too awkward. Now you want to leave him alone with the next generation and expect him not to be nervous? 

“Yeah, just thirty minutes. Will you two be okay?” 

Jack hesitated. “Yeah, yeah I got this. Pfff, piece of cake. I know so much about teen girls.” 

Most of jacks knowledge about teen girls comes from the ED. And he’s mostly asking about periods and giving abortions. 

“You know nothing about teenage girls.” 

You cross your arms. Eyeing his broad frame and fragile ego. 

“No no… that’s not true. What do they like to do uh? Paint nails? Watch Twilight? I can talk about boy bands.” 

You eye him harder and Jack breaks. 

“I will be fine. I’ll learn. Bring out the charm.” 

He gives you a wink when he says it and slides his hands over your hips pulling you close. The charm is definitely working on you, but it’s iffy on if it will work for your daughter. 

“If I come home and she’s crying we’re ending the trip.” 

Jack makes a face, a scrunch of his nose, half smile, the jut of his scruffy chin. It’s adorable and offended. 

“I’m not gonna make her cry.” 

“I know, I’m teasing.” 

Your hand flattens out his shirt, half to touch the muscles and half to keep your mind from wondering. But it does that anyway. 

Leaving them alone together isn’t the worse idea. Throwing kids into the lion’s den is how they learn, but that doesn’t stop you from being nervous. 

Like the first time Willa went on a flight all by herself to meet some friend for a birthday. You dropped her off at the airport and said your goodbyes. Then sitting in the car alone you cried. She’s getting older. And she has to be accustomed to maneuvering things herself. 

Things will be fine. 

“Maybe I should take her with me—“ 

Jack grabs your purse and your keys for you before you can change your mind once again. 

“Nononono. I got this. Have fun shopping, get yourself something sweet, you know what don’t even take thirty minutes. Do an hour. Two hours.” 

And when the door to the cabin closes and Willa and Jack are alone, he really wishes he’d just kept his mouth shut and suggested an hour. 

Jack knocks on the door to Willa’s room. It’s uncanny how Willa is a spitting image of you. Jacks never met your ex-husband but he doesn’t see any of him in Willa. He only sees you, but maybe because he’s only looking for you. 

“Hey, settling in okay?” 

Willa sits on the bed, book in hand and suitcase knocked in the corner. 

“Yeah.” 

One word answers. Great. 

“Your mom left for groceries so it’s just you and me.” 

“Okay.” 

Jack nods, he’s thinking back to how maybe he should have done the social studies class in college. Maybe that would have helped him out now for this moment. 

“You read?” Jack gestures to the book in her lap and slowly descends more into the room. Just quick— if he can’t get past the small talk he’ll leave. “I didn’t know books were back in style. I thought everyone was too busy on Instagram.” 

Smooth Jack. Real smooth. 

“Books were never really out of style….” 

Willa’s voice is soft, her hair is in a braid and he looks at Jack like he’s an unwelcomed rat in her room. He kinda feels like it. 

“Right. What are you reading?” 

Jack tries to catch a glimpse of the cover, it’s red, thick, there are thorns or— some kind of wolf as the cover art. 

“Ah… a romance, nothing you would be interested in.” 

But Jack disagrees. Maybe he himself would never read a romance. But if Willa likes it? He’ll try for her; he’s interested in her and wants to learn more about what she’s passionate about. 

“I can get behind a romance.” 

Willa makes a face, soft shake of her head. “Not this one.” 

Yes this one Jack wants to scream. He wants to have a conversation about dumb stupid stuff like you and him have all the time. It doesn’t matter what as long as they’re talking. 

“Oh come on… tell me the plot.” 

Willa turns the book around and around in her hands, as if thinking. 

“Uh…. There’s this girl. And she’s human, for a little while— and there’s borders to keep bad guys from coming in…” 

Willa seems hesitant. Jacks trying to get a grasp on the plot but it seems like she’s purposefully leaving things out. 

“May I?” 

He gestured to the book. But it also leaves no time for her to respond before taking it in his grasp. He turns the book around to read the summary, something about faye and wolves, darkness and dangers. 

Jack opens the book up to a random page, somewhere near the back. Honestly Jack didn’t know what he was expecting, the book looked innocent enough. But skimming over the dialogue suddenly sensual words caught his eyes. 

Lick, suck, go down. 

It was all sex. Hot, steamy, sexy sex. And Willa. Your shy daughter was reading it. 

“Woahhh….” 

Jack flinched, visibly flinched from where his eyes read over the page. He shut it and met Willa’s gaze. It was like she was frozen in time and couldn’t move. Mortified. 

“Your…. Mother lets you read this?” 

Truly it was none of his business, and if she didn’t wanted to tell that to him jack would drop it and spend the rest of the hour thinking this over on the back porch. 

But there was a beat, and Willa hesitated like she had to defend herself. 

“She doesn’t…. Not let me read it…” 

Another beat. 

Then jacks lips curled up. A playful smile appeared on his lips. Obviously. Teenagers, finding loopholes then keeping them secret. 

Jack doesn’t know why he’s so happy to hear this, he just is. This felt like a club. And only two people in this room knew one of her biggest secrets. 

But Willa took jacks smile as blackmail. 

“Please don’t tell my mom.” 

Her voice sounded dire, scared. She was adorable. She was your daughter. If Jack hadn’t already promised you on the trip overhear to protect her with his life, he would now. 

Jack raises a hand close to his mouth; he makes a zipping motion and then locks the pretend key slowly. Throwing the key away into the makeshift abyss. 

“Your secrets safe with me.” 

Willa let’s put a soft relaxing sigh. A smile plays on her face because really nobody could resist the abbots charm. 

Willa. 

Sixteen. 

Sheepish. 

Child of divorce. 

Reads smut. 

He’s learning more about her on this trip already.