Une Grande Chambre Pleine de Mauvaises Chiennes

Fine Crop of Kitties (by LisaGenius)

5th richest person on the entire fucking planet wants you to give him more money

It’s easy to forget how disgustingly, perversely rich this man is. He could live in the most absurd, decadent luxury, never lifting a finger, until he turned 1000 years old without spending even a tenth, a twentieth, of the money he has now. He could buy a Tesla and drive it into the ocean, every day, for the next 100 years, without spending even a twentieth of his money.

Even 1 billion dollars is so much money that the human brain has troubles fully comprehending it, so much more money than any one, ten, twenty human beings would ever need in the span of a lifetime, even assuming a lifestyle more comfortable than that enjoyed by basically any other human throughout all of history. He has over 63.

And he wants you to donate to him?? TO HIM??? He could improve the lives of untold hundreds of millions of people if he just decided to give away some of his absurd riches. He could give away 95% of his money without it impacting the quality of his life in any measurable way. And he wants people to just give him more of it?

“I’m speaking to Harry Potter today after the long-awaited conclusion of the trial of quadruple murderer Waldorfus Grenoble. Harry, may I ask you a question regarding the trial?”

“Sure, Lee, I have to be back at work in ten but give it a go.”

“What is in the curry you had for lunch yesterday during the recess? It smelled fantastic and I have to know.”

“Thanks for asking, Lee. I’ve recently come across a book of my great-grandmother Priyanka’s notes on her Punjabi cooking and I’ve been trying to recreate her food. I liked that one but Ginny said it was too sweet so I’m making adjustments.”

“Fantastic. Great stuff. Next up we have an update on You-Know-Who’s whereabouts. Not Voldemort obviously– he’s six feet under, it’s been around 2500 days now and he’s still going strong, no sign of him being not dead any time soon.”

“You’re correct, Lee, he’s dead as a doornail and he’s going to stay that way. You do realize you don’t need to refer to your infant daughter as ‘You-Know-Who,’ right?”

“Sophie starts screaming if either of her dads talks about her and we don’t know why. Any suggestions, and any idea where she is now?”

“Oliver was walking her up and down the hallway outside the World Cup Regulatory Office last I saw her. As for the screaming, with James we gave him the miniature dragon from the Triwizard in ‘94 and that entertained him pretty well.”

“You heard it here first folks, Harry Potter thinks dragons are an appropriate substitute for pacifiers! Thanks for your time, Harry.”

“Any time, Lee.”