embersburning

I used to hide away, perfecting the art of being okay, everyday from everyone.

Always, because I had little people watching.

Now I've lost that ability to hide my eyes, and my voice always cracks when I say "I'm fine"

I let down my walls, convinced I didn't have to hide with you.

But now, when you've shown me I do,

I've lost the ability to hide what's in my eyes

I can say I'm fine, and hide behind a smile all like before but now my eyes have lost the sparkle I used to be able to muster to avoid the questions of people who are a little too nosey, and a little too blind.

And filters only fix so much before they keep the mistakes and say "Even I can't fix that...".

I wish they told you you can't stop.

How one turns into two.

I wish they told you how much it hurts.

Not the cut. No, anything but that part.

The cuts relieve so much pressure.

It's when it starts to heal that hurts.

You see your skin heal, but not the pain inside.

No, not at all. THAT pain is still there.

Actually, it's just gotten worse.

Then the pressure comes.

I wish they told you if you don't, it gets worse.

That the pressure builds, and builds until it's unbearable and it becomes a physical ache.

You HAVE to do it again.

I wish they told you it becomes an addiction.