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hey kids did you know that computers didn't used to automatically connect to the internet. it used to make this screaming noise. we should have listened.

the kids are calling them "stone fruits." they start off small—think cherries. then they're hooked and they need a quick fix, they get peaches, maybe some nectarines. it's all they can think about. before you know it, they're trying the really hard stuff—apricots, plums. once they taste a mango there's no going back.

Forgot to close a parenthesis and now spirits enter me like a waterslide

I say “difficult difficult lemon difficult” so often that if I just say something is “difficult,” my wife asks if it’s lemon difficult. If I say no, she says, “Orange you glad it’s not lemon difficult?”

90% of the time when a room seems overwhelmingly messy its because of the bits. The bits suck the soul from a room the bits make a room look like its never been cleaned before the bits are a rancid miasma. Crucially the bits can be fixed by doing 1 job which is usually hoovering, after which by magic a wretched trash cave becomes a regular nice cave with a couple of things that need to be put away. I was brushing my teeth earlier thinking that my bathroom looked gross and needed deep cleaning but I gave the sink a quick hail mary wipe down and suddenly everything looked normal and I was like great, it was the fucking bits again

once more the bits got me. after several weeks of being paralysed by indecision trying to overhaul the living room i bit the bullet and excised the bits (hoovered) and now i feel normal

being mutuals isn't enough i need to lay in the sun and do nothing with you

@dangerphd