Apfelblaubeerkirschkernkuchen

immortality as theft (you have to steal life from something else) immortality as parasitism (there is something else inside You that is keeping you alive and you become less of yourself more and more the longer it stays in you) immortality as violence (everything is trying to kill you because everything is supposed to die and the universe will always try to find a way to right the wrong that is You) you understand

I’m driving myself up the wall because I swear I can hear the vocal line but I don’t know how that could be if it was truly converted to MIDI. Unless you can replicate speech sounds entirely with modulated MIDI notes, in which case I’m actually impressed with this tire fire of an MP3.

the holiday season is almost upon us and I’d like to bring back this absolute fucking monstrosity of an audio file

If you guys were on here at 11 years old what would you be posting about

This ancient Rockabilly pendant holds tremendous power

I wish people treated queerness as breaking the rules of the dominant cis-hetero patriarchy so you can authentically be yourself. Instead of adhering to a new slightly less restrictive set of rules which you will deride other people for not following (basically whatever label discourse is now flaring up)

All wizards lactate naturally

That's what Gandalf's Big Naturals are for

I just love the idea of a cis male wizard finding a baby and thinking, "Oh man. I have been waiting for an excuse to try this spell." and enchanting themselves to have functional and loaded breasts so they can feed their new charge.

I keep seeing this in my notifications and thinking, "What imbecile cursed me with the phrase 'functional and loaded breasts'?" and then discovering that I am in fact the imbecile.

magneto can create force fields and levitate by supposedly strengthening and  riding magnetic waves, but he can also stop bullets (which are not made of a ferromagnetic material, but rather lead) meaning he may just have telekinesis and fooled himself into thinking he can only move metals through the power of assumption and placebo- in this essay i will-

Okay but I raise you that his children and grandchildren canonically have reality warping powers, and it is just as possible (and more hilarious) if he too has reality warping powers but they are capped at being able to determine which metals are ferromagnetic. In this counterproposal I will-

in a similar fashion, prof x has fooled himself into thinking he can’t read minds through metal regardless of being able to read wolverine’s mind when he has a metal skull, through this concurrence i will-

I've never seen a more deserved cat slap

@theslowesthnery

erasers

as much as i understand being a hater you have to offset that shit with genuine, sincere enjoyment & wonder sometimes lest YOU become the one who is corny. and sad. imo.

where’s your fucking whimsy, jackass? your compassion? is it only irony and judgement 24/7 for you? booooo

this is literally, unironically, how Putin came to power in Russia. first he served his 2 terms. then he got them to amend the constitution so that non consecutive terms could be infinite. then, he got voters to amend the constitution again to say that Putin could run infinitely by packaging the amendment with pensions. now, we're here.