A 2140 words long snippet of a maladaptive scenario i just had to write down.

This piece is my first attempt at exploring a more serious kind of writing rather than purely playful fanfiction. Hope you enjoy it.

Also, english is definitely not my first language so please do not mind some of the mistakes.

Here's my take on the last moments between Merlin and Arthur after the battle of Camlann because I am seemingly too obssessed and I need someone to hear me out/ discuss this with. Sadly my entourage is not very familiar with the show 😔. So here it is for whoever is willing to read this.

"Why did you never tell me ?"

"I didn't want to put you in that position"

"That's what worried you ?"

This conversation was so hard to watch, Arthur asking that question means that he still sees him as a friend even though by this point he's still confused about the whole situation. But he cares to know why his best friend of 10 years never told him such an important truth about who he is. He cares to understand. He's been mostly silent and withdrawn and I like to think he wasn't afraid for long, but rather hurt obvisously and overly very sad and betrayed. But mostly he cared to know why Merlin thought he couldn't or even shouldn't tell Arthur about his magic. And once Merlin tells him he didn't want him to be put in that position, Arthur probably is generally going 'this idiot always putting others first to the point he denies who he is for the sake to not put his friend in a position where he will be hurt and confused to the point he doesn't know what to do'. And the he asks the question that haunts me at night, Merlin gives him the speech and the whole "I was born to serve you" .That's when it has finally dawned on him that this man hovering over him right now is no powerful sorcerer, no evil martermind who snuck into the castle, no traitor, it's just... Merlin. His idiotic, self sacrificial, beyond loyal friend.

"I'm not going to change now."

"I don't want you to change. I want you…to always…be you"

This right here altered my brain chemistry forever. But i specifically want to focus on the way Arthur says it: "I want you to all ways be you". Again, might just be me reading too much into it, I mean poor man was on the verge of dying, he can't be speaking properly but it is how I hear it. Therefore, I can"t help but think that it is just his own way of reassuring Merlin that even if he know the truth now, nothing changes for him, he still sees him as his dearest friend. The only friend he has and can't bare to lose him. It was maybe also more for him to vocalise his acceptance out loud. In the end It feels amazing to give in to his hopes, his doubts, his sentiments about magic. It's not evil, because if Merlin is born of it, it can only be wonderful. So yes, Arthur accepts Merlin fully with all his jokes, his clumsiness, his kind heart and his mighty powers.

"Everything you've done. I know now."

All i want to say is Athur, my dear you don't know half of it; and it's cruel because even if Merlin doesn't seek any credit, he deserved to be able to tell those tails of how he singlehandedly saved all the knights all of Camelot and Arthur numerous times. He was captured, stabbed, poisoned, punched, left to die alone in the middle of the forest. He could have told how he watched his father die right in front of him and couldn't even grieve properly, because he couldn't be revealed to even know the man let alone be his son. He watched his lover die in his arms and again couldn't speak of her because he would be beheaded if anyone came to know he had just laid eyes one her. He could have told Arthur about how he poisoned Morgana, freed Kilgharrah, caused his father's death, and manipulated him into thinking that he was the cause of his mother's death even after he learnt the truth. Merlin deserved to tell him all this and let him process it on his own to be freed from the weight of the lies and the guilt and the secrecy. And Arthur deserved to know.

"I want to say something I've never said to you before. "

"Thank you"

Now this is self explanatory, but it brought me some joy, like very little, but it also broke me because for all those years, Arthur thought his friendship with Merlin was quite equal in a sense. As in Arthur is the prince who lets his manservant do whatever he wants, say whatever he wants, and be however he would like. Merlin did protect him, help him, serve him but first and formeost he was his friend. And Arthur treated him as more than he ever was, protecting him, sending out search parties for him, a servant. He always thought they managed to trespass and see past the power imbalance in their relationship. But here he is, realising he actually never treated Merlin, his closest friend, the way he deserved, never properly thanked him for the sacrifice, for the life he had to lead whilst in Camelot, for everything he has endured and more. But he felt helpless, he was dying and there wasn't much he could do, so he opted to try and express his gratitude. Though words could never amount to truly convey hiw sentiments but he still managed to say it with assurance; Thank you.

They really brought Lance back to paint as this dishonourable homewrecker who would kiss the knigdom's soon to be queen literally the night before the wedding, ruining his reputation forever. They also made Gwen appear as a cheater who would betray her soon to be husband literally the night before her wedding day. The scene in which her and Arthur fight in the courtroom broke my heart. They don't explain that the monster was sent by Morgana as a shade version of our beloved Lancelot or even that Gwen was drawn to him because of the enchanted bracelet. Also, the fact that Melrin had to say goodbye to his friend again. The way I sobbed when Merlin performed the spell to free Lancelot from Morgana's control. The way Lance said "Thank you" broke my heart for he at least got to die as himself, next to his friend and peacefully.

He's a very unjust king, blinded by his hatred and guilt. You should have seen me once they had explained why he hated magic. This man has executed so many innocent people who were most of the time only suspected to breathe the same air as a sorcerer. They were either flogged or burnt alive or even drowned in a well. Simply because of a mistake he made. He also doesn't care for his people as much as he claims endangering their lives more than once.

He's also a horrible friend. "But I didn't suffer at his hands, Uther. I suffered at yours." This episode was so unnerving. Gaius, at his very old age, was thrown into the dungeons with no care for his wellbeing, was left to be tortured by a total maniac, and was betrayed by his so called "friend" whom he was loyal to for so long. He treated his ward, took care of his son, and has always been a trusted ally. Only for him to get flogged the second some kind of magical bracelet has been found in his room ??? Also, let's not forget how Morgana's father died.

Finally, Uther is an abusive piece of shit father.

In the episode where Arthur leaves for his quest to prove himself worthy of the throne, Morgana goes to Uther, reassuring him that he will be back. This man has the audacity to say, "He's the sole heir to the throne, Morgana." He doesn't say he's my child, my only son, or something along these lines. Nope, but simply declares that he doesn't care for his son as much as he cares for having somebody to inherit the kingdom once he's gone. Then, there is the fact that he doesn't tell him the truth about his mother's death even after he discovers it. What a coward. He puts Morgana in shackles and lets her spend a whole night in the dungeons. Needless to say, this man doesn't care for his kids.

He truly deserved hooking up with that troll.