kinda like a modern prometheus idk

Dump your boyfriend and master the art of sudoku instead

i keep spending money. i should be killed

i think david lynch had a real version of the chuck mcgill electricty disease but he just handled it like a trooper

the thing is that when you decide to watch lars and the real girl all you're gonna know ahead of time is that it's a ryan gosling movie from 2007 about a grown man who orders a sex doll online and treats the doll like it's his real girlfriend. and naturally you'll go "what a strange premise for a romcom! surely this movie will primarily be making jokes at the expense of Guy Who Pretends His Doll Is Real." and then 1.5 hours later you'll be sobbing at your stupid kitchen table about family and community and positive representations of mental illness. and youll go what the fuck just happened to me

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

you shouldnt have to pay for the dentist. the dentist should pay me for satsifying their weird fetish

"🥪" is shorthand for "🍞🧀🍅🥬🍞"

can you people stop reblogging this my notes look like lunchtime

work tomorrow is one of the worst things that can happen to you

you think pluribus can't get any more disturbing when you're presented with the idea of humanity becoming part of a blissful hivemind that wants the few stragglers left to join them, and then episode four smashes a barrel over your head with the realization that for carol, the entire world has suddenly reverted into what was the worst experience of her life. a conversion camp full of saccharine smiles with the sole purpose of making her assimilate. fuck

i think more final girls should be forty and kind of weird and off-putting